Raising a family is a process. Some days seem to linger forever and others seem to fly by. I've been so tired that I couldn't think straight. I've spent nights up and down with a crying baby or a sick kid and then had to function again all day the next day. I've also wished for time to pass only to see one of my babes do something milestone worthy and then cried that they'd reached that age. Mama's are twisted, huh? Being a mom is one of the best blessings to ever happen to me. When God picked me, I signed up wholeheartedly. I didn't want to play at being a mom, I wanted to do it with my best intentions. Every. Day.
I've never been without my kids. It's just the way it worked out. For the last 21 + years, I've been a mama. Their mama! There were no sitters, no family….anyone who watched my kids for long periods of time. They were always with me.
I'm thankful God worked it out like that.
Today is day #2 of me being home all alone. The only companions I have are the two dogs that have missed a full-time caregiver all schoolyear. If I hadn't had them yesterday….I might have cried. Call me sappy, I don't mind.
Every year since 1990, I've had people to care for. My house has buzzed with the tv shows of Barney & Sonic the Hedgehog, Lizzy McGuire & That's So Raven over the course of my kids growing up. Bikes and toys everywhere are now replaced with cars (big people items) and favorite fashionable clothes. The priorities seemed to change overnight.
I hadn't quite thought through the reality of my summer until now. I'm home alone, all 3 of my big kids have jobs and responsibilities away from me. How did this happen? Will I be here by myself forever? Oh, who am I kidding? They'll just be gone to jobs/school during the day. They'll all be home in the evenings and still want dinner & clean clothes. Arguments and squabbles will still take place and of course we'll still hang out and do stuff together.
Besides, I have my summer TO DO list to keep me busy. Right?
I'm not sure if I should feel lonely or old and maybe deep down I actually feel some of both. This new stage of life seemed to sneak up on me. I've heard other mothers say the same thing. I loved having my kids around. I'm thankful that I was the one cooking their favorite meals and driving them to do fun outings. I might be the only parent who jumped with joy for snow days. I liked hanging around relaxing or partying with my kids.
All I really know is that I am a blessed mom. I've been lucky enough to be the one to raise them and teach them everything they know. I'm amazed at the many good things they picked up along the way that each of them utilize in their everyday life now. I'm grateful for their love of music and drama, I see in each of them a gift that I know God used me to pass along. I also see so much of their dad in them and I admire them for those great qualities. Nothing can change who they are–it's time to turn the page.
God,
Your plans are marvelous! Thank you for the paths of my motherhood. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to take care of my kids (but me) and obviously, neither did you. I consider every opportunity with my children to be a privilege! My life is full because of YOU and them.
Amen
PS-Thank you Honey for making sure I could be the mom God needed me to be. I give you honor for your contribution to our family. You rock!