Stinking Thinking

My flesh is so conditioned to act and think a certain way that when I’m convicted about something big and tangible in my life….I teter on the edge of WHAT TO DO or how to hyper-focus on it! Case in point; SHAME. Shame is not all unhealthy or ugly. For most of us, it feels that way and more. No one wants to feel shame. No one wants to be burdened with hard ugly embarrassing shame. It slays us. Rocks our world….forces us down and reveals all the truth about us.

For me, I’ve felt a lot of shame in my 51 years of life. Maybe I was trained to be ashamed. If I did anything wrong or fell short, shame would swoop in and envelope me as if it were my god. Don’t get me wrong, shame is useful. It moves us to repent, to change whatever it is we’re doing wrong. But, not all shame has to do with a deep dirty sin. Sometimes, shame can be a feeling we have about something that just comes natural in our lives.

Such as, feeling shame for having a struggle.

I’ve thought about my writing for the last many months and how Debbie Downer it has to have been for anyone reading and I felt shame. Oh, what a shame my posts have centered so heavily on all my dang problems!! Such a waste of writing. But, no. No way Jose is that anything to be truly ashamed of. Every ugly moment has been useful to me and to others. My painful journey isn’t just for me. God has plans to use it for others too. My suffering has not been in vain. My pit dwelling has not just been for me to wallow in and die. God has and will continue to use it to encourage others (if I will be honest and share it).

Not everyone’s life is honky dory! And if yours is, praise Him and glorify Him because He wants to use even that to love on others! There’s nothing wrong with having an easy life or zero troubles. It’s rare, but it’s also useful to the Kingdom of God!

I have had a hard lesson in faithfulness this last year. I recognized so many of my weak spots were jam packed with faithLESSness. In spite of my calling on God to help me, deliver me or save me from whatever struggle I was dealing with….I realized just how tiny my faith in what HE WAS ACTUALLY doing with my life really turned out to be. I’m talking T I N Y!

Who puts God in such a tiny box?

Me, you…everybody! I’m studying in Hosea right now and perhaps doing a little cowarding down at the reality of a people so bent on disobeying God. I mean, who does that? Then, I face my true self and say….ME! I am no better than any of the people in Israel who turned to this or that instead of God.

My life has been turned upside down and truthfully, I feel like I’ve gone to hell and back in the last 19 months. Still, God stayed steady with me and all my brokenness. He never left me (even the times I felt absolutely all alone!) and He orchestrated some very important moments to get me where I am today.

Homeless but not hopeless.

It’s been simple to focus on all the loss. Satan has hung signs all around me many times to discourage me and wreck me for all that was seemingly going wrong in my life. I read them….pondered them and then turned right back to Christ. He has lifted me up, pushed me forward and provided a way when there really didn’t seem one to be made.

I am convinced that my moments of stinking thinking were blocked and guarded by God. He made sure I was without anyone to grumble to, except Him. He made sure that I had to turn to Him. He kept me close to Him and every time I thought I needed someone to complain to….He made sure He was there.

He wanted all my stinking thinking.

You’re welcome, world.

Lord,

Someone is hurting more than me. Life is over-whelming and difficult to the point of hopelessness for someone besides me. Let your love fall all over them and help them to see beyond the circumstance. You have a perfect plan. Let it be known.
Amen