With My Own Eyes

I’ve been busy. Good busy. Memory making busy.

I’ve seen with my own eyes some of America’s most beautiful wonders. I will never forget any of it. This world will dazzle you if you let it. For the season that I’m currently in, this journey has been an incredible distraction.

I cannot escape God’s goodness, no matter where I turn.

I’m reminded every day how creative my God is in that He provides just what I need right when I need it.

Some might just see an eagle on a pole on the beach when they look at this photo. For me, I felt God’s majestic power and glory. He created this place, this creature and He shared it with me.

Just a stop along the side of the road (cliff) will gift the person looking for wonder with wild beasts all up and down the coast of Oregon. My heart almost couldn’t take it.

WHALE ALERT

Something I’ve learned about myself on this trip is that I cannot outrun troubles or worries. They still chase after me and threaten to ruin my attitude and living in the moment lifestyle. This morning I read in Zechariah how easy it is to go through motions and not really mean what you’re outwardly doing. For the people in the scripture, they were fasting and outwardly trying to make a change but inwardly they were oblivious. God knows the difference.

I’ve thought about my own personal reasons for getting up every morning and reading my Bible, doing a devotion and praying. Are my motives pure? Do I just go through motions? Am I hearing God or am I checking off the box of what I think God wants me to be doing everyday?

I wish I could say that my heart is always pure on this. I struggle. I want to be fully immersed in exactly whatever it is God has for me, every morning. The truth is that I get distracted by my own troubles sometimes. I have worship days and I have wallow days. I notice the difference in what days hold what – I can be a selfish Christian and only think of myself if I’m not careful.

I had a big hit of crying last night. Emotions of all that the last nearly 2 years have pounded on me came knocking. I fought them off all day, almost. Then, the floodgates opened and I just let it out. I hate crying. It hurts. It makes my nose swell and my face all ugly. Crying gets out some emotional toxins (for me) and I fell asleep hard and fast.

I can’t let what’s happened or happening change me for the worst.

Bitterness has tried to grow inside of me with a vengeance. I feel like I’m in a battle with it beyond all the other issues that threaten to bring me down. Bitterness is so ugly. Which is why I don’t want to linger there and spill it out onto the people I love and those who have no idea what I’m going through.

Again, I force my focus on to all that God keeps showing me. Every sunset, every wild animal, the mountains, the majesty of my world and the love of my family. I thank God for all of it and I vow to push my head out of the clouds of what hurts and to SEE WITH MY OWN EYES His wonder, His gift, His grace….over my life.

I want to be faithful. I want to be genuine with God, with myself and with others. So, I’ll keep meeting up with Him every morning. I’ll keep looking for Him in the beauty of this world and the people He puts in my path.

And when I need to just cry…..

I’ll just let it wash away the hurt and let it clean up my mind and soul. He hasn’t left me to fend for myself. I can trust Him with every emotion my kaleidoscope feelings drum up. He loves me, He loves you and He sees what we think is hidden. Isn’t that a good reason to let Him carry every burden?

God,
Thank you for the many ways you show me love. I’m going to be okay, thanks for the many reminders.
Amen