I feel like I don't fit in, most of the time. I'm weird. I'm finicky and strange. One of my closest friends loves to point out all my craziness (we call it snobbery). No matter what the subject, she'll say, "Oh, you're a _______snob?!" to which I think for a second and reply, "Uhh, yea…I guess so!". What can I say, I'm strange like that.
For my entire life, I've felt like this.
Imagine walking into an event. Do people stare at you? They do me, every single time. My kids notice it too. Trust me, I'm not glamorous or amazingly gorgeous either. Some might call this feeling (the one of everyone staring at you) as an insecurity. Maybe somewhere inside my "social butterfly" personality is a weird insecurity but I'm not sure. I just want to be like everybody else.
Or do I?
I was taught that staring at someone for prolonged amounts of time…is rude. I never do it to other's. I understand how awkward it makes you feel. So, I do what every well-mannered oddball does…I steal glances! You know, scope out the entire area and then glance over for a peek…then look away?! I'm sneaky like that. Plus, I don't want the person I'm looking at or admiring to think I'm a weirdo stalker. Even though… Oh, nevermind!
Another peculiarity of mine is that in group settings I feel a little awkward if everyone is grouped up as "buddies". We've all had this happen to us, right? You walk into a room/the pool/church/a party/a friends house and people are huddled up in fun groups. They talk and laugh, maybe even tell "had to've been there" stories that you don't get all while you linger there alone. Feels weird, huh?
I always try to include everyone. At least, I hope I do. Cause, exclusivity stinks! Except when it comes to things like riding in the car with the carsick kid. Then, I want out of that group. Other than that…count me in, ok?
The best way to put this oddball phenom is this…march to the beat of your own drum. Jesus wants each of us to be just who HE created us to be. For me, that's empowering. I like being a little different. I do it well. My kids do too. They don't base their self-worth on what other's are thinking of them (more adults could find peace if they felt the same way).
So, next time you walk in someplace and everyone stops to stare..think about what God wants them to see in you. Is it a smile (don't smirk, ever) or is it a friendly wave? It could be that you look familiar to them but they just can't place where they know you from (or maybe they're just rude and didn't get the memo about STARING). Either way, just be yourself.
Or just be like me…an oddball!
