Permissive Parenting… AKA…Pass The Buck Parenting!

It’s not easy being a parent. I should know, I am one! I wanted to be one from the time I was a little girl. As a matter of fact, I was naming baby dolls, Barbies and playhouse people for as long as I can remember. These critter’s not only had names….they had lives! I would get up in the morning and start them right back up where I left off the night before. It was serious stuff. I had all intentions of being a good mama. You’d really have to ask my kids if it all worked out or not. It’s actually still a “work-in-progress”. I am trying to do it God’s way and I long to face Him with no shame or regret someday. It’s Him I truly want to please!

I’ve had a little experience with kids. Not only do I have some of my own, I have taught in both public and private school and Sunday school. I like them! I enjoy being around them and want to encourage them to be all they can be for God. I know what a little investment can do in a person’s life. I’m a product of someone doing just that for me. I could have ended up anywhere….but God had other plans.

It’s no secret that kids are trying things these days that would have blown our parents minds had we been caught doing them in high school. Many teens are walking a tight-rope of dangers that if they aren’t careful will change their lives forever. When I was in high school (back in the 80’s), I still remember THE girl who had to leave school because she got pregnant. Today, my school is like many all over this USA….loaded down with pregnant teenagers. There is no shame in it at all. No embarrassment, no fear, no reality of the consequences! Nothing!

Pregnant teens aren’t even what I want to talk about tonight. I want to talk about meanness! Bullying! It is rampant among kids. I’ve seen it over and over in school. Recently, I’ve watched as my own kids have experienced it first-hand. It is crippling and wounding to the spirit, especially when it comes from “church” kids. One would think these are the ones being raised to love and honor other’s, right? But I’m finding that to not necessarily be the case. It’s disturbing and painful to watch! It’s even more hurtful to be on the receiving end of their wrath.

The most revealing part of bullying issues can be found in the parenting or lack of from the parents involved. When I spoke to the parents of the girls involved in a situation with my daughter, both told me very frankly that they didn’t feel it was “their place” to get involved. These two girls were “breaking” up their friendship (they were supposed BFF’s) with my daughter because she allegedly made fat jokes about them. This was a very mean untruth and they both knew it…..but because my daughter was the “skinny” friend, one of the mom’s told me….she had NO CLUE what it was like to be overweight and surely must have insulted them somehow. It broke my girl’s heart. She loved both of these girls, truly loved them and would never have hurt them with fat jokes.

Now going to school is like entering the “war-zone”. These girls, their friends, relatives and anybody who will listen to them snub and act horrible when my daughter is around. They have even done it to me. I am appalled! I cannot imagine one of my children pretending to hit someone with a cane behind their back like one of these girls did to mine. These are the victims, remember? It is a very poor reflection on the parents. Both refused to hold their children accountable for their actions. The results may not show up for them today….but friends….someday they surely will. I will not allow my kids to hurt anyone! It will not be tolerated and they know it. Thankfully, the Spirit works even harder than me when it comes to conviction and correction. They yield to that and I am grateful.

This article(see Heart-ache prevention Jan. 12) written by Vicki Courney just hit home with me. I know that I’m not alone in facing bullying and meanness through my children. Parents all over this country are dealing with it. What can you do? How can you stop it? When it’s even in your churches? Here’s a few questions for you if you’re a parent. I’m wondering what you think…..

1) If your child was involved in a disagreement with a friend would you get involved? Why or Why not?
2) If you knew of the disagreement, would you encourage your child to do the “right” thing even if it revealed them to be the guilty party?
3) Would you hold your child accountable to God and other’s for their behavior?
4) Would you automatically believe your child to be innocent?
5) What if you knew your child were mocking an adult or classmate in an ugly way…would that be a tolerated behavior?

One more thing…..Are you teaching your children to own their mistakes and to repent and ask for forgiveness? Not only to God…but to other’s? Oh friends…..I sure hope so. It’s our job as mom’s and dad’s. God will hold us responsible. He has trusted you and me with some very serious stuff. Will you do what’s right? I pray you will.

Psalm 37:23 “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”

Oh God, help us as parents to do the right thing. Show us how to discipline and hold our children to your standard. Convict us Lord Jesus when we fall short in our leadership in our kids lives. Do not let us rest until we have obeyed You and your precepts for our lives and to those you’ve trusted to our care. Thank you for the gift of being a parent….it is the greatest example of how you feel about us. We love you and praise you!
In Jesus name, Amen.

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