I’m pretty much at an all-time low. Both personally and emotionally. I bet you’ve been there in your own life at some time or another. (Say you have say you have or else I’ll really feel sorry for myself!)
I don’t know how to beat down the blues I’m starting to feel without turning to something that makes me feel even worse (drugs, drinking and shopping). So, I’m holed up in my house fighting off the temptation to throw in the towel on life and run away to a far away land.
Yea, I’m probably being dramatic. But, I’m low….and low is where your mind goes when you’re L O W !
I have a long list of why’s in case you’re wondering just what it is that has me on the edge of boohoo’n. Life is bananas! And not the too ripe kind that you can make chocolate chunk banana bread out of bananas. It’s the too green to eat without killing your stomach bananas right now and I’m clinging for dear life to what little sanity I have left.
No, my hubby doesn’t have a job. Yes, he did get a severance package. Of course it was a lot less than I imagined it being. Yes, we are facing losing insurance or paying a hefty fee this coming month. No, I still have no idea why I spend 95% of my time in horrible pain from either my left or right shoulder, my arms or my hands and can’t even close my fingers to pick something up. Yes, my kids are moving on with their young adult lives. One is working like a mexican gardener long hours everyday towards his goal of joining the military. One is finishing up a long wished for goal of graduating from college this December. And another is working, plucking away every day at a job that isn’t a career but is certainly making regular deposits into her bank account every two weeks.
Life is continuing but it doesn’t feel awesome. So, I wonder to myself is this what it’s all about? Is this everything I’ve ever dreamed of? The answer is no. And I know I can’t be alone in feeling let down by my life.
I say this from a grateful heart too. Ironic, huh?
I’m a very grateful person. I know that in an instant all these “so called” problems could be made 100 times worse. I don’t like feeling sorry for myself and I certainly am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I cherish every blessing God has put in my life and believe me, there are so many.
In spite of what’s going on in my world, good things happen too.
So, here I am trying to do whatever it takes to boost ME forward. Part of what I need to do is stay away from social media. It does nothing but raise my blood pressure and break my heart all at the same time. I blame it on my emotion driven personality. I take the garbage people post to heart and I allow it to infiltrate a place inside of me that it never needs to enter.
Maybe you do too.
I’m unplugging. I’m getting away. I’m letting go of the pathetic in exchange for something more eternal. For me, God’s Word is the kind of Truth I need most. I know that there in scripture I will find the truth that I will not find searching or scrolling through a secular world view online. My heart is battered by life, why would I ever seek solace from a mixed up bag of nuts world wide web?
Pray for me, I am not going to soar just because I walk away from the social armpit of the online crazy. I need the Lord to move in my life. I need to see with eyes that love and care for more than what someone posts online about who they’re voting for. I want to be the best version of me that God intends me to be.
Right now, I’m bitter. Angry. Judgemental. Ugly. Disgusted. Cruel. Vicious.
None of those words describe who God believes me to be.
I’ll be back….