Almost a Trucker

September 2nd, 2014

My hubby and I went car shopping over the long weekend.   It was a fail.  We ended up folding on the deal.  The entire buying process is a game.  I’m convinced there are smart ways to buy a new car and the smartest,  writing a big fat check.
image

Yes, we almost bought a truck!

Car payments make me queasy!  Especially,  big giant payments.

I have a great car!  I don’t have to drive a jalopy!  But……it’s a car!  I’m not a car person.   For the last 25 years I’ve driven big tall vehicles.   I love having 4 wheel drive and a ton of space for people, junk and more.

But, I’m not desperate.   I told the very nice salesman that in the past,  we might have jumped on that ridiculous payment.   Our old age and years of learning the hard way have taught us a thing or two about instant gratification.

That sweet high?  Goes away once you’re into paying the fat budget sucking payments.   I don’t want that dreadful feeling.   I like to shop way too much!

So, were back to waiting.

I believe,  it will be worth it.

Tell me, are you patient and disciplined?  Are you able to hold off on your wants or do you speed right out and grab what you want?

Lord,
I don’t want to race ahead of you.  Help me to wait……for every blessing.
Amen

Making Love Last

August 27th, 2014

I'm the least qualified person to give out love advice.  However, I do love someone special and for the last 25 years I've spent a lot of time trying to make our marriage one to be proud of.  Not every moment has been awesome…but pretty close.

In a world where relationships are temporary or disposable…….holding it together might be an art form that we all should consider improving.   This is the first year we've ever spent long amounts of time apart.  Never have we had to worry about going to sleep at night in a bed without the other person there.  I think that's pretty awesome.  But times (and jobs) have changed.  Life doesn't come with guarantees, things happen…..circumstances change, people grow, opportunities arise and you do what you have to do.

So, how do we keep love alive?

I really don't know.   What I do know is that it takes continual work.  There are NO days off in marriage relationships.  Every single day is one more chance to invest in the mate you've chosen.    This means everything I do needs to be intentional.   Choosing to love someone is personal and it takes a bit of customizing to pull it off successfully.

Ever met a couple that couldn't get along, ever?    Cut down's flowed easily between them?  Vengeance and paybacks were their go to habits?

That isn't love.  Ever.

While all marriages have difficult seasons,  purposeful hurting is never good and only chips away at trust and companionship.   Who wants to be loving to a person who is rude, hurtful or unkind?  No one.

I have a few ideas on how to make love last.

1.  Die to self.

The chances of you marrying someone you never disagree with are very slim.  You can pretty much bank on not seeing eye to eye on something……sometime or another.  Don't live in a constant state of trying to get your way.  Be smart, give in or compromise when you're at a crossroads of disagreement.   Do it with a positive attitude too.  Being mad and pouty (or silently seething) doesn't count when giving in.

2.  Give more than you take.

This means just what it says.  Don't add up what you've done against what your spouse has done for you.  Each of us have a great capacity for being martyrs in our own mind.  That kind of game playing opens our hearts to resentment.   If you're married……you have felt resentful at some time or another.   If you're honest, you can probably admit……it didn't feel very peaceful.  Be willing to give without getting something in return.

3.  Be intimate.

Hug, kiss, touch, tease…..and more as often as you can.  Many of us (women mostly) forget that WE are our husband's fantasy girl.   Each of us have the power to fulfill his every dream, yet too often we ignore his biggest needs.  Husband's NEED physical touch, they need to feel desired, they long to know you are satisfied by their love and they soar or crash by how we treat them intimately.   Behind every great man – is a loving and fulfilling woman.

4.  Love each other's family.

This can be challenging when a family is unhealthy.   Not every person has their stuff together.   Learn not to take that out on one another.   Many couples spend enormous time fighting over extended family.   It never stops unless you choose to protect one another from the dysfunction of those outside of your marriage.   Be fair, be open, be a united team.

5.  Speak honestly.

It can be very tempting to keep your real feelings to yourself.   Especially when your spouse flips out over the slightest mention of an issue.   Don't be that person.  Give permission to be honest and learn to appreciate when your love shares the hard stuff with you.  Truth can heal.

6.  Share your time.

Don't ignore one another.  Do things together,  share moments,  go on dates.  Being together strengthens your relationship.   Do fun stuff, projects or home improvement jobs as a team.  When my hubby and I were dating, we would go out late at night car shopping/dreaming….it was a fun escape to our reality.  We still like to sneak out at night and do fun things.  One of our faves is riding our bikes.

7.  Put each other ahead of children or family.

Trust me,  it will never work if you get this out of order.   Time passes, kids grow up and leave…..family is family and not your first priority, your spouse is.  It's scriptural.

8.  Try something new.

Many couples get in ruts.  While routines are somewhat necessary, don't miss the chance to shake things up a bit.  Go places you've never gone,  learn a new skill, start an exercise or sport.  Do things that make you feel better.

9.  Pray together.

Openly praying together is powerful.  It strengthens your personal relationship as well as your faith.  Life is guaranteed to send you some struggles, fight them together with God.

10.  Be dedicated, fully.

Marriage should be a forever decision.  Don't live as if it is replaceable or optional.  Every day make the decision to be completely dedicated to your spouse.   It gives them the confidence to be the spouse you really need.   Tell them often, they are your whole world. 

Maybe you're very happily married……or just miserably skimming by.  Whichever the case, you can make the love you feel for one another a top priority.   It simply takes a little effort.   You owe it to yourself and your spouse to make your marriage the best one in your circles.

Make the choice to make love last!

Haters

August 26th, 2014

You don't need me to tell you this, but…..not everybody is going to like you in this life.  It's just the way the world spins.  Some people will see you as a threat, some will see you as a flake and other's (HOPEFULLY LOTS OF OTHERS) will see you as the amazing person that you are!

hater

No person goes through life without a few haters along the journey.  Ask any teenage girl, adolescence is the training ground for mean girls syndrome.  Too bad, not all mean girls outgrow their meanness.

proverb

I feel it's my 47 year old duty to tell you…..they don't REALLY hate you!  They hate what you remind them — that, they are not.  Something deep inside of them longs to be or have whatever it is that irks them the most about you.

So, keep shining girl!

sparkle

You're not on the same level.  So don't let them steal your joy and certainly never give up your shining personality.  Someone else is (always) watching and wondering just how strong you're going to be in the middle of your adversity.

you are beauty

This doesn't mean there won't be days that you want to curl up and cry.  People can be really cruel.  Your worth is NOT wrapped up in what they say.

whats right

Those who make it their mission to hurt or tear other's down….always long to be more like you (the one's they target).  Don't give up.

grace filled

Keep on being you.  The you that you are…

You are worthy.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

Same but Different

August 25th, 2014

It is never a good idea to spill your thoughts when you're hangry (angry & hungry at the same time).  This morning has not gone anything like I thought it was going to go.  I had big plans.  Since I'm off from school, I had intentions to enjoy my morning coffee in my smokin' hot hottub and then to leisurely color my hair all while singing to the top of my lungs with Pandora!

Uhm, but no.  None of that happened.  Life never goes as planned.  You'd think…..I'd have learned that by now.

I woke up early to a text from my hubby that he sent at around 3:30 am (I slept through that part) asking if I could OVERNIGHT his medication to him.  The same medication that I asked him if he packed right as he was walking out the door on Sunday morning.  The medication that gives him the oomph he needs to GET OUT OF BED and think straight!  Also the same medication that keeps him on task and out of harms way of everyone around him.

HE CANNOT GO WITHOUT THIS MEDICINE!

I jumped into action and blazed a trail to the post office.  After 15 minutes of phone calls by the post master (and a line gathering behind me) searching for the fastest delivery drop off location near us…..he asks me if I'm at Fed Ex!  WHAT!?!  Who said to go there?  I don't even know where to find a Fed Ex!  So, I take the package back from the post master who is just about to swipe my card for payment and squeal my wheels out of the USPS parking lot.

Cause you know…..emergency!

Have I mentioned that I haven't had a drink of anything yet?  No water, no coffee…I haven't brushed my teeth and I have no idea what my hair looks like.  I do have on a bra and real clothes.  However, some coffee might have aided me in my adventure.  Hindsight, y'all…..hindsight!

I take off for Michigan Ave. because I know that there HAS TO BE some quick mail system somewhere on this busy highway.  I call the "culprit" and ask if he knows WHERE I should start my search to get this prescription mailed overnight and he of course, gets snappy!  Not the right response!  Really.  I'm only trying to help!  He suggests an Office Max not far from his office.

And that's how he died.  Kidding.  He's still alive.

I pull in and find the most helpful employee who HOOKS ME UP with the overnight express and I swipe my card for a whopping $44.02 that ensures me he will have his magic pills by 4:30 pm tomorrow afternoon!

I may have issued a small threat along the lines of —-> "They better NOT leave that drop-off location with this bottle of Adderall still in their truck!!!"

Yes, I paid to mail drugs to my ADHD husband.  And you would too if you understood how desparate it is that he have them.  Would I rather spend $44 somewhere else?  Heck yes!  That's a delicious meal of good mexican food out on the town!

Marriage is about going the extra mile, right?

Maybe we're best described as opposites.  We like all the same things….but don't.  You know, the salty sweet combo?  We're like the fries with the frosty, the chocolate with the peanut butter, the night owl and the morning person…..the liberal and the conservative (ok, not us).  But, you get the idea –  We are diff.er.ent! 

Perhaps we're like the moth to the flame.  We just can't help it.  We cling to all that makes us crazy with regards to one another.  He doesn't like the way I do things or make decisions and I can't understand most of his methods of survival either.  Yet, we love one another and long to be together when we're apart (maybe not today so much).  Our hearts are joined, forever.

I don't know about other relationships but I've spent long enough in mine to know….some days are challenging!  I love my hubby but when I have to backtrack an oversight and it's a costly endeavor, it pushes my buttons hard.  Like, push push push on the elevator door button hard!

So, I'm going to file this morning back in the folder of FORGET ABOUT IT's! 

Because who knows…..I may need his help next time!  Give….take!

 

Sandpaper Friends

August 24th, 2014

Sandpaper friends, we've all got them.  That person who never fails to rub us wrong with their negative words.  The one who can bring us down with just a simple conversation……and we let them, every time we see them!  They complain or they lash out when it really isn't necessary and they hurt the people around them without ever thinking of the consequences. They find fault, whine about injustices and KNOW EVERYTHING!  All the time.

gatekeeper

I wonder…..what if every one of us filtered our words through these 3 questions?  Just how much sweeter would we be?  Or how much more tolerable would we become to those who find us a little scratchy?  I know me, I can be a jerk!  I have moments where I can't even tolerate myself.  I want to walk away from my attitude and critical spirit.  I imagine those around me want to do the same when I'm in full-on sandpaper mode.

your mouthThe cold hard truth is this…..

If I'm speaking out in a way that is hurtful to others, something isn't right in my heart.  Maybe it's jealousy or possibly I'm just feeling wicked.  Whichever, it is… it's clearly a condition OF MY HEART!

I've noticed that people say a lot of "out there" comments online.  The ability to hide behind a computer screen has given many the courage (or foolish thinking) that what they say is fair game online because the chances of being face-to-face are pretty slim.  However, what we say online or anywhere else always has ramifications.  Our words have power! 

 tongue

I won't sugarcoat this…..

If you cannot be kind, be quiet!  Just hush!

shhh

Stop spewing your meanness!  When your brain tells you that your negative opinion must be shared……be the bigger person and stop that thinking immediately!  It could save you a ton of heartache and certainly spare those around you from feeling your gritty words!

Some people just want to be mean.  I realize this because I see plenty of hate-filled comments/writing all over Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and blogs.  It's a shame! 

Maybe we could all try a little harder to….

Think positive

Speak kindly

Encourage others

Be friendly

Love the unlovable

the words

Lord,

My words can be scratchy at times.  Help me filter out what I say and write so that others will be encouraged.  I know that what I say…..either builds up or tears down.

I want to be a kinder me.

Amen

You Were Meant To

August 22nd, 2014

meant to

This post goes out to all of you who suffer from the "I don't know's! ….the "I'm not sure's!" ….and the "I can't (s)!"

It's NOT true!  So, stop believing it!

Get up and do something, right now!  Life isn't going to hand you anything!  You're going to have to work, struggle and sacrifice to make great things happen in your life.  Each of us were eternally designed by an amazing creator who placed great hope inside of us…..

And HE is EXPECTING great things out of you and me!

Trust me, if you're just squeaking by in life……you are wasting away!  Make today the day you change gears.  No more sitting idle!  Move on up and grab what is out there waiting for you!

You were meant to live for SO MUCH more!

Happy Friday!!