Yes, I Have SuperPowers

April 28th, 2016

I’m high as a kite on happy today. All because of yesterday. I took the day to myself because of a major flare up with my left arm. Yes, the pain is still wrecking my life and no, no one has any idea what IS causing it. My last round of x-rays were negative (again) and the doctor suggested I do therapy and take Lyrica. To which I said, “No thank you!”. Did you know the first WARNING on the info regarding Lyrica is MAY CAUSE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR SUICIDE?

That’s real. I kindly declined the drug considering one of the caveats to having unbearable pain in my shoulders and arms has been the horrible depression hanging over me during it. I just didn’t feel Lyrica had anything “good” to offer me if that was the first side-effect it mentioned. Bye Felicia!

Anyway, back to my high.

shoppin
MAMA GOES SHOPPING!

I needed to take my ring in for some loose stone repairs (legit business) which led me to the mall. I dropped off my ring and headed over to the handbag section because Macy’s was having a S A L E (what’s new?). Besides, I was only looking. Just la-di-da browsing around. Until, I spotted it just hanging there flashing its leathery beauty neon lights right at me! THE BAG I HAVE BEEN WISHING FOR – FOR A LOOOOOONG TIME.

dooney dreams

Why? Whyyyyyyyyy? I’m trying to live very frugally so I can continue to mooch off my hubby and not have to “do” like most other healthy Americans and get a real job. I hate spending money! Someone always needs it more than I do and I’m not talking about Macy’s.

After sending my hubby a picture, he called and said, “Get it! Happy Mother’s Day!”. WHAT WHAT?

Okay, hurt arm twisted. Sales lady, ring it up!

I floated away happy and hopped the escalator up to the 2nd floor because I had been dying to use the restroom for the last 2 hours when lo and behold, the bra section had a buy one get one 1/2 sale going on too.

Boom, 2 bras in the bag. My life cannot get any more glamorous, am I right?

Since this post is all about my superpowers – I suppose I should explain where all my power comes from….

Women need things. We need security. We need comforts. We need love. We need affection & admiration. We need encouragement. We need acceptance. And we need new bras, handbags and dishwashers!

It’s simple.

So, not only did I get the purse I’ve been wishing for yesterday and a few new bras for the tas, the Lord saw fit that my hubby install THIS —>

dishes

Just look at it. Isn’t it amazing?

dishey

Wowzie mcwowzie face! I’m in loooooove!

New purse, new bras and a new dishwasher?!?! What is this? My birthday? Tell me you get excited and all your superpowers get all amped up too?

So, here’s what I did with all my wimpy armed superpower –>

deep dish

Created a deep dish pizza masterpiece and baked up a delicious butterscotch pie.

butterscotch pie

Men, see all the good that comes from meeting your wife’s needs? Her engine gets all revved up and she cooks your favorite foods from scratch.

Girlfriend is happy <3 Thank you, Honey!

Pedi Wrecker

April 26th, 2016

I haven’t had a pedi in a lot of many months. I’ve put it off and put it off because I’m a cheapo tightwad and I like to stretch my every dollar. My toes have been wonky and average because of it. So, yesterday….. I woke up and decided that – that was the day that I would fork out the dough and rock a trip to the nail salon for a much needed pedicure.

Livin’ the life. That’s all I do.

I felt sure that a Monday before lunch would be an ideal time because….who the heck is out and about haunting the nail salons, right? Certainly not the throngs of babes who need sparkling toes for the weekend.

I be-bopped on in and sure enough the place was empty, except for one gal. One harmless little gal.

Mr. Jimmy got started on my gnarly old lady feet and all felt right with the world. I peeked at my phone and saw that it was 12:00 and that’s when I heard it, typing. The other gal getting her toes done was typing furiously on her laptop while sweet May was filing, rubbing and turning her into a hot pink-toed princess…..loud & hard typing. No big deal. I assumed she was some bigshot somebody trying to click a few things off her to-do list while enjoying a relaxing pedi.

Like me. Except, I don’t have any pending important life business to get done. I’m all free-willy. Or free-loader, however you want to look at it. I’m free, y’all. I live off the man. My man. He doesn’t mind.

The next thing I hear is the loudest talking, as if something very urgent was going down. Me, in my own little world assumed that it was May (the nail lady) chatting with the mad typist client lady. People talk. They communicate…..

You like da pink? Oh ya, dat preetty color!

pink t

The talking got louder and then it got more animated and before you know it, girlfriend was waving her arms and imitating out all her feelings right there in the pedi salon chair. Poor May. She was oddly uncomfortable but what could she do? She was just doing her job on a client that obviously had something very important to handle on the phone.

Except…..the phone call was a never-ending gab session that went on and on and on!

yak attack

Now, we’re probably 25 minutes into the process on my toes and she’s still wildly chatting away on her phone. You know that kind of phone chatting that you do when you’re sitting out on your back porch and you’re just really into it? That’s the kind of phone call she’s having.

LIKE SHE’S THE ONLY PERSON THERE AND NO ONE ELSE CAN HEAR A DANGED WORD! It’s a personal call. You talk, personal. You laugh, throw your head back….squeal out and you even open your eyes really wide and feel the conversation with your whole body.

This lady was into it.

The rest of us? Not so much. By now the audience has grown by two more lucky-to-get-their-toes-done ladies sitting on the same side as me. Normal ladies. One with a book by Pat Conroy (not that I was looking!) and the other with her tablet opened to a page in her book. They made small chatter about their grown kids and that was that…..both settled in and let the magic begin on their pretty little feet.

Still, motormouth is riding her unlimited minutes to the edge of eternity with all her ridiculousness while we’re all sitting there captive by her every word.

Do you think she notices everyone feeling beyond uncomfortable? Or that the very nice nail people are actually talking about her in their native tongue? NOPE. She just keeps on rattling away.

I cannot think of anything else by this point because Jimmy, my toe master is speed-painting my toes. This was absolutely the fastest pedi I’ve ever gotten in my whole life. He was rushing along trying to get me out of there (I believe because this lady was stressing him out!).

So, he hurries me over to the drying station and lo and behold, he brings Chatty Cathy to sit right directly behind me. SO HE CAN DO HER NAILS!!!

shestilltalking

……where she promptly turns her phone call to speakerphone (for the world to hear) because we were all wondering what the other person was saying on her phone call. N O T !

The moral of the story?

I have got to UP my prayer life. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thinking anything Jesus-y in that nail salon. Matter of fact, I might be a skid-row gang-like follower of Christ because I wanted to do a white-trash throw-down right there in the middle of all Zionsville Indiana.

She will go down in history as the rudest PEDIWRECKER this side of Mississippi (that’s where she’s flying today). Go ahead, ask me how I know….

Clean Start For Everyone

April 25th, 2016

Failure is one of life’s most powerful teachers.

failure

Nothing moves us to action the way failure does.

For many of us, failure beats us up like a bully on the playground then takes our lunch money and calls our mama fat. There we lay….bloody, broke and humiliated. Only, grown up life doesn’t wait around for us to be found by the teacher on duty. It doesn’t hand us vindication in the form of seeing our troublemakers punished or our wounds all cleaned up and mama called to come get us. Big people failure leaves a gaping hole that only God can heal.

clean it

I can’t help but think that the way we deal with real life as grown adults stems from what we experienced as a child. Children who grew up with forgiveness and a clean start after making a mistake or breaking a rule have an advantage over us that felt shamed and scolded. Think about it. When you were a kid did you feel free to mess up? Did you learn to get over mistakes and move on? Or were you held like a hostage to every poor choice? Were you taught to get over it and make a new start? Or were you tied to your shortcomings and branded for life to every bad decision?

Let downs, failures and mistakes all have a role to play in every person’s life. They mold us, teach us valuable lessons and mimic the hope that can be found in Christ.

It’s time to get over it, friends. Today is the day for you and me to rise above our mistakes & shortcomings. What Christ has done on the cross for you and for me offers us the complete and utter fullness of His forgiveness. He has given each of us a clean slate.

Have you accepted his Grace? I hope so. You deserve a fresh start.

for give

Happy Monday!

Time Marches On

April 22nd, 2016

Yesterday was the 200th birthday of Emily Bronte, author of Jane Eyre. It was also the day Prince died and I accidentally wore my underwear inside out – all day long.

Two of the three will go down in history, I’ll let you decide which two.

jane eyre

Let’s not get caught up in the negatives in this world. It’s Friday and the weekend is set to be sunny with 70 to 80 degree temps both days. I’m going to live like there’s no tomorrow!

I may even read a good book or turn my Pandora station to Prince and dance in my underwear. The options are endless.

Go, live and enjoy your weekend!

Don’t Say Umm

April 21st, 2016

Want to break a bad habit? One of the worst habits for English speaking people has to be using the NON-words umm or uhh. Both are a guttural sound used to fill space, perhaps…..used mostly while a person is thinking of what they want to say next. Or maybe even as part of your language if you are a surfer dude.

uhh

I hate it.

However, I use it more than the law should allow and I’d love to kick the poor habit for good. It has a way of making a person sound unintelligent or caught off guard. Neither of which are a good position to be in.

But, good news…I’ve got a great training tool to help you & me STOP using UMM & UHH forever. Or at least help us to crush it down to a minimum. Using real words with real meaning takes serious concentration and this game or impromptu will sharpen you up in no time.

In a group, each person write a topic on a piece of paper, throw them in a hat and pass it around. Each person chooses a topic/paper and for 2 minutes tries their very best to speak on that topic without ever uttering the word umm. The object is to NOT use filler words such as uhh or umm. Once the person speaking does, they are out!

Now, if you think you’re not an umm abuser…this little group practice will open your eyes to just how often you use it. Stopping a bad habit like this can be a total boost to your speaking style.

Don’t you hate hearing umm?

Or am I the only one?

How Awkward Are You?

April 20th, 2016

awkwardy

I’m weird & awkward at all the worst times.

stall staring

As a rule, I NEVER LOOK in the crack of the door in a public restroom stall. E V E R !! I know, crazy. But, I’m usually the person on the pot who gets the eyeball peek from some other weird person standing outside. Not cool, not cool at all people! Don’t, just don’t do that. And, if you do….instead of holding your stare, move along and stop looking. You sicko!

Being awkward is just a part of life.

wave dude

Right this very minute, some sucker somewhere is wanting to drop off the earth for misspeaking or acting odd in what can only be described as a social situation gone wrong.

Maybe you’ve experienced one of these:

Ever gone in for a big high-five and missed? Yea, me too.

Ever been in the stall when someone knocked and (you) sat silent? No way, I never do that. Who are you people not answering??

Someone sneezes. Do you say anything? Then, they sneeze again. Drats! God bless you?

Try to find the straw with your tongue and miss?

Step up for a curb when there is no up while walking along? Oh yea, just counting horsey-style!

Forget someone’s name?

Greet someone with a handshake and they go in for the hug?

Mess up the words to a song? Really loud?

Walk into the wrong restroom? I’ve done it, twice. I’ll never forget.

Or laugh when the situation is very serious? Eeek!

staring again

Look, if you think awkward only happens to you – I’ve got good news. It doesn’t. Next time you find yourself in the middle of an embarrassing moment, laugh. Might as well, right?

kanyeeee

No one’s taking you completely serious anyway.

crybaby

Happy Wednesday, friends!!