Do This….or Something Better

April 12th, 2017

needs

There are prayers for help and then there are beat down heaven’s doors begging for mercy kind of help prayers. I’ve done both. Over the last season of my life, I’ve mulled over my circumstance (much like anyone would do in my position) and I’ve sought God’s direction for what’s felt like impending doom once another month comes and goes…..and my husband is still unemployed.

How long, Lord? How long can this go on?

It’s only human to ask and I know God isn’t the least bit surprised at my human nature pondering. I’m terribly adept at questioning every little thing, just ask my family. I’m a questioner. I question. I analyze and roll every detail of the answer around just in case there’s a scenario that could switch things up to equal something else. I cover every base.

You’re welcome, world.

Still, here I sit in pretty much the same boat I was in back in September. Only this time I’m closer to a wedding of one of my daughters’, at the end of my school year and any subbing days I might get and filled with a whole lot more cynicism than a person should possess. What next?

Bad bad bad. Never ask that. More trouble coming your way, fool.

This Sunday is Easter and the sermon last week was so good that I left church with a brand new perspective on the damage done to my heart over the course of this last year. Betrayal. No one knew betrayal the way Jesus did. His experience with it opened my whiny complaining heart to understanding that I CAN GET OVER what’s been done to me. I can forgive and I can move on. I can trust that it’s all part of the journey to where God wants me to be eventually.

God never leaves us where we are, He’s always pushing us forward.

So, back to all the praying and begging God to work a miracle in my life. All these months, He’s listened to me. I’ve blown my horn loud and obnoxiously for Him to hear every little detail of what I need and when I need it by. He is so gracious.

I’ve not gone hungry…but, I’ve worried about how to pay for groceries.
I’ve not gone without a home or electricity…but, I’ve played magic tricks with my funds to pay both.
I’ve not had to sell my belongings…but, I’ve learned to be content with everything I own when I’d really like to purchase something special.
I’ve kept my dignity…but, the devil has shown up almost daily to remind me just how pathetic it is to be jobless and living with the fear of it never ending.

Oh, how gracious my God still is.

needs 1

In all that, He still listens to me. He above all knows my every need and He is at work. My weak faith or belief that He’s going to do something bigger and better is tainted by my lack of understanding just how big God really is in the great scheme of things.

HE IS SO BIG, Y’ALL!

I do not have the mental capacity to understand all that God is and will be…but I know that all I have to do is ask and He will go exceedingly above and beyond whatever it is to answer me.

My new prayer?

Lord,

Do this…..or something better.

Amen

Good People are Sinners

March 8th, 2017

broken heart

I need help. I have a condition that cripples me from living the fullness of my life as God promises. It’s called human being thinking. Also known as worldly thinking.

What is human or worldly thinking? Well, in a nutshell…it’s believing that I’m the only person I need to worry about pleasing or satisfying. It’s thinking that I owe no one or thing any allegiance but my self.

The truth is, I’m not qualified to be my own God and Judge.

    My heart is wonky.

It’s dirty, full of sin and ready & willing to turn to whatever feels good instead of running hard & fast after what is Holy. One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that one about being a GOOD person.

I’m a good person … therefore, don’t judge my decisions or choices. They’re mine, butt out!

The problem with that is that a lot of good people end up in hell. Being “good” isn’t what offers you and me a place in eternity with God.

be holy

While I believe there are good people in the world, I know without a shadow of a doubt that not one of them is perfect or spotless in the eyes of God. It just isn’t possible. Only Jesus Christ has the ability to be that. We are liars, thieves, cheats and more. We trick ourselves by justifying the sin in our lives and that’s where we get the uncanny ability to overlook faults or weaknesses that make us everything we never want to be (or to be called), wrong.

Look, sin is a human condition. Not one person gets to walk through this world without falling into its hole. We are all sinners. You, me, your grandma, your pastor, your best friends’ Sunday school teacher….. every. single. person. sins.

The problem we have isn’t just admitting it. It’s admitting it and believing we need a Holy God to forgive us. To repent and or change.

be holy 1

Which brings me back to thinking like a human being. There are times when my head wants to gloss over what I know is wrong in my life. I can make whatever is ugly look and feel really lovely if I work at it long enough. Except, the Holy Spirit never lets me enjoy it truly because it’s genuinely gross and disgusting. It doesn’t belong where I’m trying to force it to be.

During this season of Lent, I decided (secretly, between God & Me) to give up something that was literally owning me. It’s not something that others would find bad or unhealthy…but it’s something that I know God doesn’t want for me. When I decided to remove it from my life, I was driving down the road in my car when a simple thought came to my mind that said, “Let it go!”.

Now, that seems simple. But, it had a great hold on my every day life. I liked it. I planned my day around it. It was ruling me. Once I decided to get rid of it, it left. I haven’t longed for it, I haven’t wished for it, I haven’t even tried to figure out a way around getting back to it.

It’s not something I want in my life anymore.

That’s exactly what God desires for us in every aspect of our lives. He wants us to CHOOSE HOLY over worldly. His plan for us never involves sin. We do that to ourselves. We lock ourselves into sin habits or sin thinking. Then, our hearts twist up the truth with the lies we tell our brains and the result is a lifestyle that doesn’t match up with God’s plan for us. But, then….there’s grace.

If there ever were a poster child for GRACE, there you’ll see me.

See, there’s nothing so bad….not one sin that God isn’t ready and willing to forgive us for and to help us overcome in our lives. He is in the forgiveness business. He sent His Son because HE KNEW we would need that kind of sacrificial love and mercy.

Listen, if you’re believing the lies you tell yourself that you don’t need God or His ways….you’re wrong. You do, I do … we all do. He knows that. He’s ready and willing to turn you around. Don’t buy into what the world is selling. It’s cheap and it’s costly all at the same time.

You’re worth more than that.

be holy 2

Showers of Blessing

February 27th, 2017

I’m in deep with some big firsts. My baby whose only 11 (in my head) was honored with a beautiful Bridal shower this past weekend.

g 2

See what I’m talking about? She’s just a little punkin!

showe r

The truth is that she’s in love with a wonderful young man who has no idea that she is still a baby in our hearts. He just sees the young woman of his dreams and that’s pretty much how it’s supposed to be.

We raise them, watch them grow and learn, invest in them as humans and set them free to start the whole process over again in their own lives.

sho wer 1

When I snapped this photo, I had no idea I was sitting beside the two most amazing young women in my life ALL GROWN UP! This is real life! I’m a mom to women who can do all the things women do. I AM SO PROUD OF THEM! Not only are they beautiful creatures on the outside, they are both unique and incredible people on the inside. My heart beats wildly for all the joy and excitement of their futures.

gates shower

For Gates, she’s inheriting a new family and they’re wonderful people too. Her new “sisters” are a treasure. They love her already and showed her just how much by hosting her very first bridal shower. Gifts and food, meeting new friends and family, fun games and sweet stories…. all of the ways you begin a new life together.

gates shower

This is how it all begins.

8 8 more days until I DO!!!

When God Isn’t Your God

February 23rd, 2017

I get so fed up with the garbage I see all around me. Just today, I watched a video of a BRAVE teenager speaking out against an article published on Teen Vogue about gift ideas for the friend whose had an abortion.

What the?

Seriously! World, stoooooooooooop!

stand up rights

Look, when a teenager has more human decency than an adult writer blabbing about disgusting gift ideas to help cheer on the brave person who killed her baby – we catch a glimpse of a world that STILL HAS HOPE!

The world needs more Autumn’s in it. God give us more young men & women who see wrong for what it is, wrong!

I can’t get all in a tizzy! The world is just acting like the world and the people who walk and talk and write garbage such as that don’t know and love the God that I do. The God who created this world and all the people in it doesn’t accept abortion as an answer. However, He will repeatedly wrap His loving and forgiving arms around the person who chooses it, every time they come to Him for mercy.

My biggest issue with understanding how people justify their choices, lifestyles and lack of beliefs links directly to their faith or lack thereof.

See, a lot of people say they believe in God. A lot of people claim to be “Christian” and yet live like hell. Or better than that, live exactly however the heck they want to live. You know, as if there are NO CONSEQUENCES for their choices.

choose it

Here’s the dirty low-down. Not everyone who says they love God genuinely loves God. They love the idea of God. Otherwise, they’d live their lives completely different. It’s just a fact. Choosing to follow Christ with your whole heart and life is a huge decision. It’s a costly one too. Choosing to obey God and His rules (His Word) for your life will cause people to walk away. It will end relationships.

Being a Christian in today’s world is to risk being called every foul name in the book. Have you turned on the tv lately or scrolled through your Facebook or Twitter feed? Even your “friends” are making fun of believers and lovers of Jesus. Publicly admitting that you are a Christian can get you practically beat up these days.

So, why do your friends and mine act so vehemently ugly over yours/my faith? Because they haven’t experienced the Saul to Paul encounter with Him that’s changed their heart. For them, faith is a weak & unnecessary crutch that holds back real progress. They believe more in the world and it’s ever-changing hot topic agendas than a God who saves and will return someday for the faithful of this earth.

They’re just acting like humans. God isn’t their God, they’re the only God they need.

authority

Link to the video of Autumn the brave young teen who has the courage to call abortion wrong. Go HERE!

He Makey Purty Things

February 21st, 2017

My hubby is a well-rounded dude. He can rock a baby to sleep, cook up the dreamiest most moist turkey and make any Pinterest dream I throw at him come true.

He’s amazing, y’all.

He cooks.

makes kit

He snuggles or traps bears (whichever you want to imagine)

makes 1111

He drives fast cars.

makes 11

He builds dreams.

makes 11a

He isn’t afraid to get down and dirty.

makes 1a

He shows me his love through art.

makes 1

makes 2

makes 3

makes 4

makes 5

makes 6

makes 7

makes 8

Look at all his amazing creations! Isn’t he awesome!?! I don’t think I brag on him enough. Someday….he’ll have a real work space. Until then, my garage will have to do.

God’s Got Something

February 8th, 2017

No offense fellow Christian friends…..but, if I hear ONE MORE TIME that “God has something for me and it’s coming soon” – I might scream!

No one believes or trusts in God and His endless abilities more than me. I guarantee it! Standing here 5 + months into unemployment I am overwhelmed and grieved beyond what I ever thought I could be over a job. Or lack of a job!

I’m sick to death of well wishes. I’m done with “Oh it’ll happens”! I can’t take one more hopeful call from an eager headhunter WHO HAS JUST THE PERFECT JOB!

I’m giving up!

Never have I really wanted to run away from my life more than I do right this very minute. There aren’t enough hours in the day to hold all my fantasies of escaping my reality right now. This is hell and I’m not dead, I’m alive and feeling every ugly ache that accompanies the uncertainty of losing everything you own because you do not have a livable income.

Jobs seem to be everywhere but getting hired to one (most of them way below my hubby’s education and qualifications) seems to be an incredible feat. Why are these positions even listed? Either no one ever contacts you back or you hear back that you’ll hear back again soon and you never actually DO HEAR BACK. It is a circus! A circus of horrors!

I stopped asking how long and what else so long ago that I don’t even feel those feelings any longer. Running away won’t get me anywhere because every problem and more will only follow us to whatever destination we choose.

Is that what my life has come to? Not only do I have a physical battle to fight…..my peace & security must be compromised to the fullest too?

I don’t want to hear any more IT’S GONNA HAPPEN or SURELY GOD HAS A PLAN’s. I am too frag – il- ey.

So, I’ll just be over here sucking my thumb & crying my eyes out waiting for a Christmas miracle. Thanks for loving me anyway. Pathetic attitude and all, friends.

give it up