Death Sentence

January 4th, 2017

I’ve just gotten home from the doctor. It won’t be long and I’ll be gone from this world thanks to her “expert” advice. She had the nerve to put me on the strictest of NO SUGAR & NO FLOUR & NO DAIRY diets ever.

As in, don’t EVER EAT THEM AGAIN!

Therefore, I can only deduce that I will croak from lack of anything good to eat henceforth the rest of my days.

Oh and she had the nerve to tell me to read all the labels. Come on, really. You know what that really means, right? It means every single thing you “think” you can eat….after you pick it up and read the actual label, you cannot dare eat because it contains something of either a sugar, dairy or a flour product.

Just go home and die.

Good news? She believes that my awful gut, that evil residence of all the sweet creamers and donuts (I rarely eat a donut, really) okay… good creamy cheesey, tomatoey deliciousy foods that Dr. Meancakes says to avoid is the source to whatever Rheumatoid Arthritis pains I’ve been having and if I just obey, I will start to live a pain-free life.

So, I’ll just be over here H U N G R Y and sad. Perhaps a little skinnier too, finally.

Pray for me, y’all. I really think I might die.

Slamming the Door to 2016

December 30th, 2016

It’s not been my year.

Or well, maybe it has.

It’s been the year I struggled through a debilitating and ridiculous diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis and then found out I had carpal tunnel in both hands. It’s been the year I blessedly walked through menopause (ain’t that a piece of cake? Fruitcake maybe. But, not wedding cake). It’s been the year that my lifestyle took a major hit when my hubby lost his job and the year that humbled me beyond an nth of my pride.

Maybe it’s been my year, afterall. I mean, at least it picked on me and not someone that I dearly love, right?

All I know, is 2016 can get lost and stay lost!

blo 2016

I read a sweet and heartfelt post this week after the loss of another celebrity that challenged fans to stop cursing 2016 for taking people of fame. The writer certainly didn’t mean for anyone to not feel sad at the loss of someone dear…she simply pointed out that as humans, we have a great tendency to focus on the most negative of moments and make them bigger than they deserve.

Note: A death is huge. Really. But losing your dang mind over a super star passing away is a bit much.

I loved the advice the writer gave and I especially loved her sharing how wonderful 2016 had been to her personally. The year brought a beautiful baby into her life and a new job for her hubby….and lots more special moments that SHOULD BE CELEBRATED. I realized while reading that a lot of the ugly stuff that life slams on a person hadn’t really had it’s chance yet to punch her in the face. Sadly, it will inevitably come her way and I pray that she has the tenacity to hang in there and take it. Still praising God in spite of the trouble.

My year, the ironic and hilarious year I chose MOVE as my Word of the Year, year… has been harsh and challenging! It’s tried to do me completely in. But, I’m still here. Perhaps a little more cynical….definitely a little less trusting and certainly different than I was last year.

seek

I won’t be picking a WORD of the Year this year. The last one nearly killed me and it hasn’t actually quite finished with me yet even though I cleared it from my cache. I’m staying as far away from cutesy ideas as I possibly can because real life don’t play! And while the idea of choosing a word can be to challenge yourself….I feel like I have done my part in playing along in the UFC fight of life this year.

Instead, I’ll just do my best to keep my head above water and to live in the moment of my life. If I’ve learned anything through this struggle it’s that I don’t control anything..so stop trying. Be still and let God.

I’m looking ahead – but, I’m not assuming.

I’m trusting God – but, I’m not expecting.

I’m giving God control – really, have you been listening to my life?

I’m dying to self – again, have you heard anything I’ve said here?

I’m not giving up – God hasn’t called me to heaven yet.

blog post

Here’s to 2017!

2017

She Said Yes

December 27th, 2016

a and b

Love cannot be quenched in my family. Why should it? With all that life throws at us, love is the glue that holds us all together.

From the day she called to tell me about a crush on a guy who came through her drive-thru window at the bank, I knew. This girl of mine who loves deeply and sets her standards high… true love came knocking in the form of an artsy, thoughtful, level-headed handsome guy named Bobby (Robert, to some).

love lo

That first date (coffee at Starbucks) morphed into a four-year courtship filled with ups & downs, twists & turns….and lots of fun exciting moments. So much growing up, growing together and patiently waiting for the right time to take that next step, in love.

It’s been a beautiful journey. As a mother, I’ve enjoyed watching them strategically take every step necessary to get them to this day.

all b eng

What’s better than having a daughter get engaged? How about BOTH DAUGHTERS ENGAGED within a month of one another?

I can’t make this stuff up!

God, you are funny!

the ring

The truth is we are over the moon for our girls. Both have found the one in whom their soul loves and that’s a blessing to us as parents.

Congratulations Alexandria & Bobby! What a joy to share your love with our whole family! Another wedding…..SQUEEEEEEEE!!

Change Can Feel Cruel

December 20th, 2016

depress

I’m changing.

It feels like a slow erosion of who I once was is turning into a dark broken version of someone else.

I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to feel okay.

I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse.

Today is day #102 that my husband hasn’t had a job. I cannot believe it. One minute I think I’m okay, that WE’RE okay and the next I realize time is running out and money has dwindled….and doom is literally right around the corner.

It is destroying me. I can only imagine what it’s doing to him.

I can’t help but describe the pain as similar to a death. Something very important has died and it isn’t coming back. Maybe it would feel different if suddenly a job opened up and we could recover some of what we’re about to lose.

In my head, I can’t help but think of the people who caused this pain for me & my family. My whole family is affected by this situation, in case you didn’t know.

I know, for them….they’ve never once thought of what their decision has cost us. They’re still living their lives. They’re still going out for nice meals, spending money on special gifts for people they love and they are smiling, enjoying their days and nights.

That’s not how it is for us.

We are hanging by a thread. Me, especially.

I cannot get over how easy it is to ruin someone’s life and continue on with your own as if nothing ever happened.

walkin

I’m starting to question where God is through this journey. { That’s not good }

life me

God,
I’ve fallen so far into a hole of hopelessness. Help me get out before it’s too late. My world is crumbling and I need your mercy.
Amen

Hope in Him

December 5th, 2016

hope in him

I believe with all my heart that God has a plan for my life. I haven’t lost hope during this time of unemployment but I have felt the strain of “when will he find a job” stress. I can’t imagine why it’s taking so long. This is the fourth month my hardworking husband has been stuck at home wondering what’s next.

It’s painful.

I’ve noticed the awkwardness it seems to unleash on others when they hear you’re unemployed. Many people are kindly sympathetic and groan with you offering to pray or let you know if they “hear” of anything job-wise while other’s are silent. The kind of silent that hurts like a shame.

I don’t believe people are uncaring, really. I think maybe they don’t know what to say or how to minister to someone hurting from job loss. Maybe that’s how it is for a grieving person when friends or loved ones just stay silent. It’s almost like you have something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Losing a job, for no good reason and staying unemployed for long periods of time really does something to your ego. It hardens your heart to almost everything. I can drive by places of business and think mean thoughts about all the cars parked there knowing they belong to people with actual paying jobs. I get meanly jealous (crazy I know).

I’m trying not to feel completely lost to the silence that comes from people who don’t know what to say about the struggle we’re in right now. I know it’s awful. I know it’s sad. I know it’s something NO ONE ELSE EVER WANTS TO HAVE as a problem. Who thinks anyone wants to lose their job and sit at home begging anyone to hire them? Any job? No one.

So, I’m learning….. when someone I know or meet tells me they are jobless and searching, I will love on them. I will encourage them. I will speak up and not ignore their pain.

Want to know what to do when someone is hurting or struggling with job loss?

SPEAK UP! ENCOURAGE THEM! LOVE ON THEM! OFFER TO HELP! SEND THEM JOB IDEAS! TAKE THEM TO DINNER OR INVITE THEM OVER! MEET A NEED! PRAY WITH THEM!

Yesterday, our Pastor ministered to us with the greatest message of HOPE! I love how God does that. Even through all these months……I’ve never lost HOPE in God or in His plan. So, whatever you’re going through – you have complete HOPE because of God’s POWER!

Don’t let anyone steal your hope!

Your Mistakes Don’t Define You

November 27th, 2016

I haven’t left home since Wednesday. I’ve been living as if I were snowed in and I’m probably not the sharpest tool in the box because of it.

I just watched 4 episodes of Gossip Girl THINKING I was totally joining the rest of the world and catching up on Gilmore Girls.

Who does that?

gossip

I mean, really. These people are horrible! Shallow, self-serving rich people who don’t give a stink about anyone on the earth but themselves. I don’t need that in my life right now.

I’m already living that reality. Have I mentioned my hubby hasn’t had a job in 79 days? Yea. It’s getting hairy around here.

blair

Really? Me too girlfriend!

Not only am I spacing out and watching the wrong chick flick tv shows….My hubby’s sick as a D O G with the flu or some sort of death plague! Every single day over the holiday (oooo, holiday. Doesn’t that sound like a happy word? Yea, no it’s been heck), he woke up feeling 10 times worse than the day before. In other words, that idea of sleeping it off…..ya, nope! Not happening. Seems as though sleep made him even sicker.

So much fun for Thanksgiving.

While the rest of the world was having fun with family or dragging out their Christmas stuff, we were all waiting to call the ambulance.

Hint: I’m useless without him!

Never ever have I looked forward to going to work more than this weekend.

gos gir

Thanks Gossip Girl. Here’s where we break up though. Bye meanies, hello fresh new day/week/month/life!