Confession:
I’m angry.
Every day, I find myself getting angrier.
The world is a giant ugly mess! If you’re paying attention, satan is running every street & commandeering every town. He’s swooping in through each little crack and oozing proudly through all the big ones. All while you & I try to make sense of what is happening in our world. He is happening. How else can you explain what we’re watching play out in our midst? Suicides, in my town & yours. Murders, senseless deaths over and over in every corner of our country. Politicians who push hate and racial divide, who have totaled our economy and have put pretty much most of us on high alert that our lives are not even close to the change that is coming our way. The medical world. Oh my gosh, the medical world has become a cesspool of information, mis-information and dropped balls. The cost of housing, the lack of housing and the struggle to attain both. There’s not one thing that you or I pay for that hasn’t increased in cost. Not anything. It’s difficult to go out, not many places have the dining room open to eat. Businesses are nearly ruined by the fact that only a handful of people will work and those poor folks are run ragged! All this in a world that preaches–> be kind, all while not truly being kind.
Everybody’s angry about the same stuff I feel miffed about. I get it.
For the last few months, I have felt a heavy darkness hanging around inside my head & heart. I feel junky and cruddy in the weirdest of ways. I have prayed about it, I have sat in silence with God over it. I have even tried ignoring it all. I haven’t been able to put a name to what is wrong with me. Honestly, I’ve just felt broken and lost. I know I belong to God. It’s not a salvation issue, perhaps it’s more of a letting my mind and heart dwell on what is happening in this world. It’s not smart to let your thoughts and worries of what is completely out of your control consume you. I have been at war with the evil. I cannot stand against it on my own and I know that. Neither can you.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could drive our hearts right through a heart wash like we can our cars in the car wash?
So, this is for all you dirty angry hearted people out there…. It’s time for us to take back our hope! Our story here on earth isn’t written by others, it’s ours to pen. The ugliness of this world isn’t going anywhere! It may even get much worse, to be truthful. It’s difficult to look away from the hate pouring out on tv, in our neighborhoods and even inside of families. My prayer is that what is good and what is holy will blanket your heart and mine. God has a perfect plan and even in the midst of all the uncertainty we see play out every day — we have the greatest of hope in Him who loves us and makes a way.
Note to self:
I am allowed to be angry. I’m not allowed to let it fuel me to sinfulness. I need to feel what hurts and I want it to change me, not for bitterness but for a holy calling to remain faithful and certain of all that God can & will do through the trials of this earth.
Lord, let me be found faithful to the end. Amen.