What else?

LOOK, if you’re happy! Don’t read here. I warn you! I’m sad/depressed/frustrated and I’m taking it out on my blog and anyone who dares to read it! Sorry! I know, I NEED HELP!!!

I’ve said before how I want to just pour it out here on my blog. But, I never do. Obviously, I’m too proud to spill it! I’m human. Why is it that we want everyone to think we have it all together? I’m living proof that I DON’T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER!!! I wreak of mishaps and blunders! Maybe not every day…..but at least twice a week I manage to jack up my life!

The other night (before the electricity stealing storm) I received a phone call from a nice lady at a sweet church that I had spoken at a few years back. She was inviting me to return (cause they just loved me) to jazz up speak at their WMU meeting this month.

I accepted.

Then within minutes…..all of heaven or hell (however you want to see it) came crashing down around me. The storm, which knocked out our power and my yippee attitude with one fell swoop! I gave up and went to bed. When I woke up the following day…..no stinking internet! Our router was BROKEN!! So, I sat home…..beyond bored to death (wishing I could get online and do some studying for the WMU meeting)! Yea, right! 🙁

I spent Wednesday taking care of stuff at home. I washed the big dog, raked away most of the tree limbs that covered our yard and did laundry. I’m a martyr! NOT! I was really just killing time because on Thursday…the girls and I had a fun lunch planned with a friend in another town. We live for the goodtimes around here…like eating at a small town pizza dive! Yes, we are outta control!

I thought it’d be fun to go by TJ Maxx afterwards because my son has outgrown ALL OF HIS CLOTHES! He’s wearing his dad’s stuff and most of those are worn out. Depressing! We all need clothes! But….there is no chance of that happening in the next ever with our budget so tight! I found a pair of khaki’s on clearance for $15. Yay to the maxx! Stopped in Target and picked up a few snack items on sale and headed back home. Checked the mail to find a letter from our car insurance company….you owe _____ and your insurance will be cancelled ______! What? I missed paying the insurance? How’d I do that?

My head started to pound! I checked my bills….somehow I missed it. I went to bed, tossed & turned the night away! I do not handle stuff like this too well, can you tell? I kept telling myself all would be fine today (Friday) because it’s PAYDAY! I got up and logged onto my bank account and found……it was not a good day afterall. There would be no money to pay this week’s bills. Period!

I wish I could say…..things got better. But, the morning of yuck was just getting started. I see through to the scheme’s of satan, but seriously! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

To anyone reading…..you might be tempted to say, Geez lady…just put your faith to work. Don’t! I’m clinging to it and have been ever since this rollercoaster of financial disaster began more than 2 years ago. We never had such problems keeping up until the 4 months of unemployment knocked on our door. Since then, it’s been one financial hurdle after the other and no end in sight of digging out or jumping over!

I want to live victorious! I’m not an extravagant gal! I simply want to be able to pay my bills and afford my kids. I’m driving the same car (which is not running well at all) that I’ve had for over 10 years. It’s not like I’m wishing for WANTS!! I am desparate for needs to be met. And all around me….is blessing!

For other’s!

It’s hard to not fall into the funk of depression when everyone around you is going on vacation or buying stuff they need. We haven’t had a vacation in several years! We never took fancy ones anyway. We camped….at the beach! Still, I loved it and the kids loved it. It was cheap and family packed!

I don’t know how much longer I can keep up. I feel defeated. Our monthly budget isn’t my only source of freak out. We have no health insurance, my husband has no hope of retirement, our vehicles are teetering on making it, we dislike just about everything about our current location and I CAN’T QUIT THINKING are we out of God’s will? How can all these things point to blessing?

Today all I can think of is WHAT ELSE???

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