From where I'm sitting I can hear the voices of a man & young girl. They are a porch away from me and hidden for privacy sake. I can only hear muffles of words (so don't think I'm eavesdropping) but I can tell she is crying and questioning. Like all good men, he is consoling her and answering as best he can because it sounds like he's doing his best to reason with her.
Facing death is scary.
I'm sort of in a lull. After traveling all day & night yesterday, my brain is bursting with exhaustion and my body is begging for a nap. Yet, I find myself too wound up to sleep right now. While mom is sleeping….I know I should too. I think my mind is just going through it's own state of acclimating to my new surroundings. Hospice.
I've never imagined being at Hospice. I've visited friends who were patients there and prayed with them. But I've never put that on my list of things to do. I haven't considered myself a candidate for such a place. Now that I'm here I know that it isn't anything to fear. The loving folks who serve at Hospice Centers everywhere are some of God's most unique and caring people. They have a way of erasing all the weirdness that surrounds end of life situations.
Like my neighbors who are talking through their grief and sadness…I feel the strain of what's going to happen here too. I'm not here to visit my sick mother. I'm here to love her as she baby steps her way to heavens doors. I don't have any questions about why this happened and I don't feel angry or sad. I just want her to be at peace.
I spoke to the doctor this morning. I think that having her explain and make important decisions has been the greatest source of help to me. I love how God works these things out. He knew just who my mom would need and even went so far as to do the same for me.
What a great God.
Lord
Thank you for taking care of little details and making sure I made it to be with my mother. Her life has been full and she knows how blessed it's been. Help me do whatever it takes to make her last days special and full of love.
Amen