Life is a Game of Survival

I’ve never been a big fan of the show Survivor. I like my easy simple life, at least…that’s what I thought anyway. I watched enough episodes to know that the struggles, lack of amenities and the competitiveness make me feel panicked. Real life is more like Survivor than I like admitting.

You must fight for what you want, knocking someone else down sometimes to get it. You have to go hungry to reach your goals at times too. Relationships can be tricky. Who can you trust? Even those on your own team can be out to get ya! Giving up will beckon you too. It’s just easier sometimes to throw in the towel or break a leg and go home.

It’s survival, coming out alive is what’s important.

I have felt like I was running around in a jungle wearing a teeny ripped up sports bra and swim bottoms for the last 18 months. Only, I’m not skinny and tanned up to at least look good while in my desperation! Everything I know about my life has been turned upside down. What once felt like security was snatched away in a sweep of a quick minute in someone’s office. Hey, we’re going to have to let you go. We’re OUTSOURCING I.T.! K, Bye.

Honestly, I have thanked God over & over for all the ways He protected me from the long months ahead jobless after that July day.

Had I known:

We would reach near penniless days, months… I might have gone to bed and not gotten back up.

We would pay and pay and pay thousands of dollars clinging tightly to Cobra insurance just so I could get my RA meds only to reach a point of NO MONEY to pay for anything let alone insurance… I would’ve kept my $15,000 in my pocket and never paid for insurance all those months.

We would have door after door slammed in our face and be told, “You’re over-qualified!”… I might have given up and gone to the garden to eat worms!

We would wait on calls, wait on job offers that were promised, wait on payments for contract work, wait…wait and then wait some more… I would’ve probably still waited because what choice did I have, really?

Only God could protect me as He did this last year. He knew what I could handle and I’m sorry for the times I cried out that I couldn’t handle one more dang thing! He has heard it all from me and still loves me.

What I’ve learned:

I’ve also learned that stress will rob you blind. It will take every good and awesome thing you love away from you but the most important thing is your peace! Stress will kill you dead too. I’ve thought many times that I was in so deep that there was no hope of bouncing back.

I hate that.

I mostly hate it because if I’m anything, I’m usually happy. I like life. I like my life and stress threatened to ruin it all for me. So, kiss it..stress! I want to be happy again!

So, looking ahead we still have to deal with the fact that my hubby has no job prospects. Realistically, he could be waiting another 18 months for a real job again. Selling our house doesn’t mean our future is bright and shiny, it means we don’t have to pay to live in a house we can’t afford to pay for anymore. We now have a whole nother set of stresses to face.

Still, we have survived. We’re still alive and trying our best to keep moving forward. In spite of all that’s happened, I’m thankful for the ways I’ve watched God work in our hearts, on our behalf and through the people He’s placed in our lives. That’s a real testimony just thinking of all the encouragers and prayer warriors that have rallied around us.

We really aren’t worthy.

But, that’s my business either. God decides who is worthy, not me. I’ve got surviving yet still to do. Just like the players on the show keep going…that’s what I have to do too!