The Mom I Wish I’d Been

What good does wishing do, right? I’m not whining and beating a regret drum, I promise. Simply reflecting on a few ways that I might change if I were given my mom days again. I’m in a great and happy place today. My kids are grown, I like all 3 of them and the people they’re married to and I’m proud as proud can be of every single one of them.

But if I were wishing…

I wish I had relaxed more.

I was wound up banjo tight for most of my mothering days. I worried too much, held on tighter than I needed to and managed to invent nonsense reasons to get all stressed out. Looking back, I wasted so much needed energy on crazy stuff that NEVER HAPPENED!

I wish I’d taken better care of myself.

I worked myself into a frenzy most days. Which was not only tough on me, it was hard on my kids. I could’ve sat reading another story instead of mopping my way to bed. Kids just don’t stay little long. The housework never leaves!

I wish I had chilled out more.

I confess, I was high strung. I didn’t need to be so intense but my personality is just like that naturally. I am pushy, bossy and well….a bit queenie like. I suppose I wanted to make some kind of perfect life for everyone (didn’t work) but if I had it to do over again, I’d let all kinds of stuff goooooooooo.

I wish I had forgiven myself more.

I tried so hard to get it right that inevitably I messed some things up. When I fell short, I took it hard. I beat myself up and challenged my capabilities to extreme. It was a dumb form of self-punishment. I didn’t deserve any of it.

I wish I’d shown more grace.

I could point out that I did not mother like my own mother and puff myself up for that tiny victory but the truth is….I was tough on my family many times and missed opportunities to show grace. Not always but enough that it stings a little to think back on.

I wish I had given my kids more jobs.

I didn’t want to throw all my work onto my kids like my mom did me. I thought I was protecting them from a life of slavery. The reality is that I raised up kids who couldn’t do a lot of things (not everything) once they moved out. I learned way too late that jobs around the house are very important character builders. It doesn’t kill anyone to help out in a family.

I wish I hadn’t compared myself to other moms.

Who cares? Who gives a rip, really? What works in my house may not in yours and vice versa. Stop worrying about who does what better. It absolutely will not matter once they leave your nest. Just ask your grown kids. No one cares. Beverly Goldberg’s kids will grow up and leave and so will Mommy Dearest. Note: Please don’t whip your kids with a coat hanger.

I wish I’d have known how quickly time would fly.

People told me, I didn’t listen. When you’re in the trenches of being a mommy to a pile of kids, the days are l o n g! But dang it, the years just whiz on by. I would love to have all three of my kids sleeping under my roof just one more night. It is the peace-y’est my mama heart has ever felt.

Wishing just doesn’t cut it though. My course has run. I won’t mother the same ever again and that’s okay. I’m not in a war with what I did or didn’t do. I’m confident that what my kids needed, I provided. My role in their lives was to be the best mama I could and to love them unconditionally. I tried to do just that. I believe each of them know I could’ve done better but none of them hold any shortcomings against me. Life goes on whether we are good at it or not.

I feel privileged to be a mother and even more so that I have made it to the other side…..I’m getting ready for my new role as a grandmother! October can’t get here fast enough! I cannot wait to look into the face of my 1st grandbaby! Who will this person be? How much love can I smother all over him or her?

Look out world! I hear this is where the parenting thing takes a back seat and grandparent life takes off like a rocket ship! I AM READY!!

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