Down Boy

That’s me…talking to my stress level! I’m feeling super crunched. I don’t want to be wacked out over trivial things (like finding a GOOD RELIABLE AFFORDABLE car) to replace the one that was totaled exactly one week ago this very moment! You see, we aren’t known for our good fortune. Crazy things happen to us. Sometimes I just stand in awe (like, is there a hidden camera on us kind of thing) when strange things happen. It’s starting to become “normal” to our whole family.

{Insert Yeehaw song…”If It Weren’t For Bad Luck, We’d Have No Luck At All”}

And we’re believers! Who know that God can do amazing things for us at any given moment. A few weeks ago, my husband asked me…..”What has happened to us recently that has been good?”. It was a deep conversation about our family and the ups and downs we’ve had since we left the ministry. I tried to argue my case that in fact, Yes God had been blessing us all along! {Honestly, He has blessed us!} But I can’t help but own up to the truth… many rotten things have happened to us too.

Stuff that would make another turn away from God. Now don’t get me wrong. We both recognize that we don’t deserve anything. We are scum! Trash! It’s a blessing just to be called HIS children. I’m more than amazed that He loves me and cares for me…knowing He knows the depths of my heart. Blown away! So, for me to complain that He isn’t blessing me…..just seems like trash talking!

I keep coming to the same conclusion. I REALLY DON’T KNOW TRUE SUFFERING!! I’ve gone through crummy stuff. I’ve missed out on opportunities. Lost important things. Felt humiliated by my situations. Hurt for my self and loved ones. Experienced outrageous stress. Worried over jobs/kids/school/needs. These things are all fleeting. I don’t have a clue about true suffering!

See why I wrestle with me? I’m impossible to deal with!

I’m fretting right now over the whole car and insurance thing. Will we find a decent vehicle to replace my husband’s car? I think we will. Will we lose our current insurance or will it skyrocket in cost…thanks to 2 claims from the same teenager? Gosh, I hope not! This stuff is trivial!

I have my family! My son is alive and away at college. My two teen girls are down the hall in their rooms doing their homework or watching tv. My husband is in our room…reading through a journal of our daughter’s trying to find a piece of writing to submit for a college scholarship. They are all here, safe…..alive and available to me. I can’t curse God about the things going wrong in my life when such precious and important things are my reality! I do feel blessed.

Tonight, my heart aches for a friend from high school who lost his teenage daughter yesterday. She was fatally injured Sunday night in an ATV accident. Just a sweet fun girl out enjoying the outdoors in south Florida. In an instant….their lives changed forever. Perspective. It haunts me at every turn.

You’re more than a conquerer. You are the GREAT I AM! I’m eternally honored to be your daughter and to know that even when things seem annoyingly uncomfortable….You have a plan for me. I admit it, I am weak….and thank you…YOU ARE STRONG! Please surround my dear friend Chip with your love and peace. Fill this hurting family with your Holy presence.

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