If you're around my age, you probably remember a completely different world when it comes to parenting. I grew up in the 70's & 80's (I was born 1966). I recall what it was like around parents, grandparents and teachers–you didn't mess around! That's not quite how it is anymore. Time has treated this parenting phenom as a patsy to "being liked" or "not hurting their feelings" and all I can say to that is hogwash!
Parenting is hard work and there aren't any shortcuts. Admit it, you've been out in the world and ran into the bratty kids that run the show in their house? Maybe it was at your favorite restaurant where the sidedish was a giant heaping of wild youngin'! No matter how many annoyed glances you flashed, the parents of "said youngin" just kept on eating and enjoying their meal while you sat there wondering why you even came out to spend your hard-earned money on a good meal. Or possibly you've grocery shopped lately or gone to a movie?
I hate being so blunt…but I loathe going to Walmart (aka Scream Mart) it oozes bad parenting.
Now I know what you're thinking….[Gee, why so harsh?] Because it's a symptom to what our society has become. Kids rule! Gone are the days of being afraid of adults. I'm not talking about fear for your life or of some sort of abuse. The fear I'm referring to is of LETTING SOMEONE DOWN! Remember being ashamed? Or embarrassed for a mistake? That's called mistreatment today or abuse. I say, it's crazy!
If I didn't spend 9+months of my life with kids (high school) maybe I would see it differently. But as it stands, I witness the lack of parenting on a daily basis just walking down the halls of my public school. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed (that in my lifetime) I would hear students/kids talk the way they do now TO YOUR FACE! I can't imagine what my mom would've done to me if the principal had called her to inform her I had cursed out a teacher/staff person. It would have meant serious punishment and I would have been made to make it right, no question about that. Nowadays, if you call a parent (you don't even have to since the students use their own cellphones to TELL ON YOU now) you can be sure that it will be met with an angry finger pointing in your face–for picking on their child.
I call it twisted parenting! That's where we are these days. Parents have stopped being scary. No longer is it common for the parent to place boundaries on their kids and actually enforce them. Oh, they want them to "behave" but only enough to make them look good and not interfere with whatever they want to do. You see, parenting has become a hobby and most just dabble at hobbies and from what society looks like to me–most of us are just dabbling our way through raising our kids.
I really don't want you to get the idea that I'm a parenting expert or that I even THINK I am. I'm not. I'm a product of an era that EXPECTS GOOD BEHAVIOR out of my kids. Not because I don't want to be embarrassed by them…but because they are going to live and function as adults in the world I live in. They will inevitably be someone's spouse or parent someday and I want them to have the character that God desires most. I want them to be all they can be and to honor God with their lives.
It takes hard work! I'm willing to keep at it, even though my kids are 17, 19 & 22. Still, I can't take a day off from being their mom. They are looking to me for direction, rules and expectations. If I start to waiver now…what is my message? I don't mind if my kids think I'm tough on them. They'll thank me later!
I've thought up 5 active ways to be a TOUGH MOTHER
KNOW WHAT'S IMPORTANT–don't waste time or energy trying to be "like" someone else. Find what works for your family and make it your goal to do your best.
REALIZE YOU ARE NOT GOD–I have had to learn so many things the hard way. I don't have as much control as I like to think I do. I NEED GOD & I NEED HIS HELP with every parenting step I take. My kids really belong to him anyway…why not TRUST HIM with them?
BE THE BOSS–society has stolen the role of boss from every parent across this nation. Stop letting your kids rule the roost. Make decisions and stick with them. Do you remember having so much control over your family when you were a kid? Yea, me either! Note to the sistahs: YOU RULE!
GIVE GENUINE LOVE–everyone likes to think their kids know they love them, but the more I talk with teenagers…the more I see parents miss the mark on loving those weird creatures. It's a strange time in both your lives. Don't stop showing love because they might think you're being weird. This is a pivotal time in their life and they will look for love, somewhere.
BE CONSISTENT–the world is unpredictable. Parents should be firm. It's comforting (even if it crashes any fun plans they have) for kids to know their parents are not going to fold like a cheap tent when they insist on wearing you down on something. Stay strong, even when you hear, "Everybody else is going to….getting….aloud to!". No, they're not! Trust me.
My ideals may not match yours and that's okay. Just know, there isn't a more important job than being your child's parent. They're watching everything you do or don't do.
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It's ime to adjust the a/c here in Indiana. Today our temps are a whopping 100+ degrees. Even my dogs are surrendering to the heat. It's baths for them and laying around inside today. Wherever you are, stay cool & most of all BE TOUGH!
Tags: children, kids behavior, parenting, tough mother