Never Finished

I'm doing things I don't want to do and I'm handling stuff that I don't want to handle.  Alone.

I have never felt so by myself before even having my youngest here with me.  The two of us are known in our family for being the "emotional" ones.

I keep thinking back to the moment my mother died.  Both Gates and I started to cry and the nurse who was a seasoned death escort hugged us and reminded us –> THIS IS JUST HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!

How could she know that I have a very loving and supportive husband back home in Indiana who would never in his life put me in a position of abandonment?  She didn't know anything other than God in His ways does what He does and never makes a mistake.

In just a few minutes I'm going to the funeral home.  I don't want to do it.  Haven't I been through enough?  This whole situation has been the biggest life challenge I've ever experienced and it's far from over.  

Last night I started cleaning out her clothes.  I couldn't look at them hanging there any longer.  I took over 5 large garbage bags to Goodwill and I still have plenty more to go.  My mother loved stuff!  She was happiest surrounded by her things.  She collected everything!  Dishes, antiques, bedding, clothes, furniture, other people's garbage and it's all piled up all over her tiny house.

I don't think I'll ever be finished here.

The lesson I'm choosing to learn most is to be prepared.  Death is near.  For each of us.  Have your life in order….not just your house, bills, insurance & stuff but your spiritual condition.  Be ready.  God only knows when you will leave this earth.  So have your heart ready….and then get all your stuff in order!

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