I Didn’t Love Him

Yesterday my hubby and I celebrated 24 years of wedded bliss.  Like most married couples, bliss doesn't quite describe all of the 24 years.  There were many times that we both wondered, "What in the world am I doing here?".  It doesn't mean we lived in misery although marriage can have moments of misery (or so I hear).

I'm just glad that I never acted on any "reactions" that I might have felt for a fleeting moment.  Otherwise, this post would be about my old marriage to "Whatshisface".


I'm absolutely sure that I didn't love him when I married him back in September of 1989.  I couldn't have.  I mean, I loved him but not with the full heart that God wanted me to.  I loved me me me and I thought me was very important.  I was clueless to real life.  I had no foundation with which to base my love.  I was purely acting on blind faith.  Luckily for me (and him) God intervened and grew the love that we have today.  I believe that most marriages must start out the same way.  What we think we know…..we really don't until many years later.

Like, how to REALLY love someone other than yourself.  That takes time.

When I first married Don I could only see a glimpse of the things that bothered me.  A few months…years into it, I couldn't see anything but his flaws.  For a while there I even let them jade me into thinking I had goofed up and picked the wrong one for me.  Lord, help me… was my constant cry.  Then, time eased on and so did the selfishness inside of me that could only see happiness from my own point of view.

Somewhere along this time I learned about The Five Love Languages.  Learning about these little beauties changed my whole outlook on love and marriage.  His too.  It seems we both had been speaking our own language and couldn't quite understand what the other was saying.  I realized that he really wasn't a total jerk and that he did the things he did to show me the kind of love he needed from me.  Doi!

Life changing!

Together we've weathered some storms.  We've lashed out and stung one another because of anger.  We've teamed up against each other and we've fought on the same side too.  Nothing has come easy for us.  Especially having a good marriage.  We've made it hard all because of the stubborn personality inside both of us.  I blame it on that FIRSTBORN thing.  We've also lived in victory.  When things could've gone to the dogs, we held on and fought it out until we found a resolution.  We've stayed together because we understood that God could heal any hurt.  Our family knows what kind of passion it takes to make it work and how to stick it out when leaving seems to be the easiest answer.

Our kids know…..marriage isn't always easy.  But it's worth it.

Kids have no choice but to live with the family God gives them.  Ours have probably wanted to run away a time or two when their parents weren't seeing eye to eye.  However, I find it heartwarming now that I see them in a stage of young adulthood that has them looking at potential future spouses.  Each of them carry a long list of requirements that they feel are important guidelines for picking a mate.  I like that.  It blesses me that they are mature enough to know….who is going to fit and who is not.  Marriage is forever whether you stay married to the person or not.  You are forever linked once you say "I do".

I didn't love my husband 24 years ago because I didn't know how to.  I was too busy thinking of myself.  Years and practice teach the heart some valuable lessons.  For me, it was how to love unconditionally outside of myself.  I had to learn to die to some selfish thinking and to also accept him the way God designed him.  To me, he's pretty close to perfect.  I catch myself comparing others to him and there's just no way they can measure up.  I believe that's a total God thing and a maturity that satisfies the soul of a husband or wife.

No one can fill the spot of a spouse.  That's why it's important to guard marriage like a trained doberman.

I'm mad crazy in love with my hubby today.  Next to loving God, he's the most important person to me.  I trust him, I rely on him, I need him….I desire him.  To me, he's amazing!

I know I love him now and I look forward to treating him more like it for the next 24 years.

Happy Anniversary Don Galloway!  I really do LOVE YOU!


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