I’m on the road (literally & figuratively) to figuring out how to heal and move forward in my life. I confess, I’ve got a bit of baggage that threatens to bring me down if I’m not actively seeking peace and understanding. Some days, I am footloose and fancy, others….I am grasping for relief and wishing something, anything would happen to make it all better again.
Maybe that’s just the way my brain works. I think of all the ways to claim peace and to live minus worry and none of it looks the same as my husband’s. Perhaps, that’s all men. Clearly, we all carry our burdens differently. I suppose expectation gets in the way when trying to compare our paths. Which is a set-up for discouragement.
Take this trip, for example.
I really needed freedom and healing time. I love my things. I love my clothes and shoes, my pretty stuff to decorate with and I love having every special book or Bible with me wherever I go. I use them, daily. I want to have them and to utilize them for my own state of mind. For this long, cross-country trip….I slimmed down my “stuff”! I went through everything I could reach that was unpacked and I spent hours re-arranging and imagining what I could use and what should be left behind. My clothes are packed in a tub and I have a few other pieces above my bed in a storage cabinet. I even squeezed in a limited amount of hanging clothes in my little side closet by my side of the bed. Truthfully, it is just a few very favorite items and that’s it!
My cosmetics are dwindled down to the minimum and I ONLY HAVE 1 half-used bottle of shampoo. I have one big picture of my family, a few small framed photos of my kids and a couple inspirational signs. My bike, is on the back of my camper (you didn’t think I’d leave that baby!!) and I have my favorite lawn chair. I’m telling you, I do not have very much stuff. Even my kitchen things are minimal.
Why?
Because we were trying to remain safe with a light load. Pulling a heavy camper across the world is dangerous! But, even so….my hubby and I had several conversations about letting some things go and trusting God that we would have everything we needed if something happened.
Fast forward to the very hectic and long days of trying to get packed to leave.
Somehow, every single thing he could think of got put onto the camper. He has more clothes, more jackets, more shoes and more garage equipment than the law should allow. Matter of fact, we are so over-weight we may never finally get where we are going because we cannot drive more than 3 to 4 hours a day. The load pulls and sways the whole drive down the road.
Baggage.
So much baggage.
This morning, I thought I’d sit outside in the beautiful glorious weather but I couldn’t get my chair out of the storage area because there’s a heavy planer in the way. A PLANER! A wood-working planer! I cannot do anything for all the stuff that has to be moved to get to my few things every single day. Which makes a chaotic mess constantly.
It’s heavy. Heavier than the weight of pulling it along in a camper on a windy highway. Too much, too much, too much!
So, here’s my message.
My need to go lightly and let go of some of the heavy stuff of my life belongs to me. My husband’s belongs to him. Clearly, he needs his stuff in order to move forward. Strangely, we are living opposite lives in this thinking. However, I am working on me.
I have said it time and again, how God is chiseling me down. This situation seems fitting that once again….He would chip away at pieces of my heart through extra stuff.
It hurts. It feels painful. It seems so heavy.
But, I am trusting. Just like I’m trusting that my car will continue to pull us through every mountain and highway. I will trust him to lighten my heart and open my mind to new and glorious ways of living and loving.
Lord,
My baggage is heavy. My load seems too much sometimes. Help me see that I can carry it or I can chuck it overboard. Forgive me for hanging on to the things that do not matter.
Amen
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