No Darkness Here

I woke up to a big truck rumbling outside my window this morning, just annoying enough to rouse mama up from her sleepy slumber. I stumbled out of my tiny bedroom to look out my FROZEN windows and I could see a dark figure through the icy blur. I recognized the truck outline as the owner of the property where my hubby and I squat in Imagene (our cool dude camper).

He sat there idling away in the freezing temps obviously waiting for someone to show up for something….

Then, he drove away.

I have told everyone that living on this property has been awful for me. I am easily swayed to love every place I ever live. I’m a root maker, a lover of all things home and a gal who can dig in and turn even the strangest of circumstances into something lovely. The views here are magnificent! I can look in every direction and see God’s glory! It is a coveted location to be and HERE I SIT like a queen on a dang throne, in a camper!

Oh, I’m not slumming. Don’t feel sorry for me. I have a very sweet RV to live in, I have a real bathroom with counters….people! It’s not that bad! The only really bad part is that I WANT MY HOUSE OUT OF STORAGE! I want to decorate walls and a kitchen! I want to cook all the meals in a beautiful space with a kick A stove & oven ( a real oven that’s not built for little people ).

While I waited on my coffee to perk, I heard the big truck & trailer coming my way. It was loaded down with all the machinery and wood to do exactly what I’m dreaming of doing myself. Building a house & barn.

I recognized the situation as soon as they pulled in – Amish. I teased my hubby that by the time he got home tonight they should have her built. No joke, they work faster than any normal man alive. I sat down and within minutes these jokers had framed out the whole building! Not to mention, they’ve taken phone calls and eaten lunch!

So, here I am….sitting inside my dream camper completely fallen off the NO COMPLAINING wagon. I cried and told God I was sorry for burying my contract under my sinful jealousy this morning. I confessed my lack of faith of ever having a house again. I see how mean satan is and he knows right where to go after me. Jerk.

I have dreamt of building a barnhouse! I’ve been obsessed with the whole process. So, here I sit watching my landlords build my/their dreams. I thank God for blessing them, honestly. But what is the dang lesson here?

Am I to buckle down and focus on riding this waiting journey out?

Do I need to snap out of it and repent for something that I’m neglecting to deal with God about?

Could it be that I’m supposed to see this dream being built for some future house of my own, SOMEDAY?

Are these builders angels?

Or am I living out the consequences of personal sin?

Don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean to sound outrageous. All the way to here has been a struggle. Everything that has happened has given me more reason than not to ponder my own personal responsibility in who I am in Christ. It’s easy to ignore and gloss over sin. We all do a jam up job of painting ourselves as OKAY! I’m no better than anyone and I fully admit I am a weak person that doesn’t always get it right. Sin can ruin you.

However, I live under the most amazing grace ever offered in all of history. Jesus’ death on the cross has changed up all the “could have beens” for my janked up life. I don’t have to worry about God ever NOT loving me or forgiving me. His Son’s death took care of that and I have profound gratefulness for His promises.

So, after confessing to God my struggle to understand why and where He has me this very day… I got a boost of encouragement from seeing my life as a LIGHT! I don’t want to be wandering around in darkness. I love who I am, where God has me and all that He’s going to do through me. I want to shine His light out.

Even if I never unpack a single thing from my storage rental or hang one treasure on another wall. I want to point others to the light with my life. I can’t do that if I’m bogged down in what I don’t have or what someone else does. Nope. It won’t work.

Lord,

Make me a light bringer. Thank you for reminding me of all the ways YOU LOVE ME and provide exactly what I need. I want to shine bright just for you!

Amen

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