That’s the only way I can describe the way I feel. My heart is so heavy and burdened. I’m having one of those moments where I realize I am not in control! God YOU ARE! But, I don’t understand the logic behind the happenings. Why? Why God? Don’t let it be this way….that’s all I can think to say. I am not one to question God normally. This is just one of those times. Maybe we all have them, I don’t know. I just don’t want it to be this way. It hurts so bad.

But I trust you Lord. Help me to see. Forgive me for being so selfish. I can see your glory in so many ways through this child and his life. Thank you for sharing him with me and this world. Someday I’ll see him again. You made that possible. What more can I ask?

John Romine is my sweet friend Carol’s only son. We work together at the high school. I share some sweet memories with her. She’s one of the most loving and caring people I know. She would fight off lions for you. That’s just the kind of lady she is. Loyal and real! I love her.

I blogged about John not too long ago. He’s been searching for a donor for months. Hodgkin’s had invaded his precious young body. He was doing everything to come out of this disease healed and finish living his exciting new life. John is a senior at Purdue (a farm boy). He was training to live out his lifelong dream.

Before I could leave for the game yesterday…another friend from work called to let me know….John would not be coming home. He had gone into Riley hospital on Sunday with what they thought was a lung infection. Once there, more bad news. No lung infection….just cancer, everywhere! Devastation! How do you deal with that? At 22? As a mom, how do you stand there listening to that? Oh my, how my heart aches! I knew where we had to be.

I’m so glad we went. During the course of the evening more than 100 people came to see John. The hopsital administration had to close down the largest waiting room which was on the 4th floor just for the overflow of visitors. John was in ICU on the 2nd floor. The steady stream of people was the most incredible testimony of his wonderful life I could have ever imagined. I know that for this sweet family it was empowering. I watched in awe as Mark (John’s dad/Carol’s hubs) and Carol shared John so lovingly with all of us. What a lovely thing to do. I thought of my own boy….ready to take off and live his life….and if it were him… could I let anyone else near? Pure graciousness, Carol!

Tonight as I sit here, I can’t help but think about how much longer? When we were leaving him last night, we held him and touched him….we told him how proud we were of him and how we loved him. He was so precious (he still looked like the healthy strappin young farm boy to us)….but his tears and struggle to breathe told …not much longer. There is no easy way to let go. Even knowing what we know. Heaven is our home.

Please pray for the Romine’s. They’ve been through so much. I’m waiting for that call any moment. By God’s sweet mercy are they hanging on. No parent wants to journey this road yet they are. Lift them up and ask God to surround them with His peace and comfort.
For John….no more pain, no more struggling to breathe. God is the ultimate physician and healer.
Thank you, friends.

We’ll miss you John, Boiler up!

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