Archive for the ‘Royal Proclaimations’ Category

Why Do You Hate Christians?

Monday, January 21st, 2019

This is a hard post for me to write. For the most part, I tend to sit idly by and let others think or feel just how they want to without sticking up for what I know or believe as truth when it comes to Christianity. That’s on me. I will have to answer for it.

I believe those who chronically spew hate for Christians do it because God is irrelevant to them. He isn’t important or holy or worthy of their time. If I were to ask a person who posts mean articles about faith on social media (and believe me, I see them all day long from friends or acquaintances) if they read the Bible or pray (and I mean actually study God’s Word and pray for wisdom), I can almost bet the answer is, no. So, my question here is why do you hate Christians?

I know what the blanket answer will be or at least a few of them anyway:

1. Christians hate gays.
2. Christians judge people.
3. Christians are liars.
4. Christians think they are better than others.
5. Christians hurt people.
6. Christians don’t help people or care about them.

While I could throw down the gauntlet here and say these statements are just an attempt to disparage any who love Jesus, I won’t. I won’t because there are many who have mistakenly done those very things and called themselves Christian. Christians don’t always get it right and let me tell you the first to pounce on them are those who want to scream the loudest. They are a tool in the hands of satan.

We have somehow bought into this idea that for you and me to get along or live side-by-side we have to agree on one another’s beliefs or lifestyles or even political affiliation. It’s not up to me how you live your life, it’s up to me how I will live my own. I don’t owe you anything but love and whether or not you choose to follow Christ, I will stick with the direction given to me by Jesus – to love one another. That has nothing to do with agreeing.

Waking up this morning after more than a week of the media droning on and on about all the ways Christians are hateful….I could not sit quiet about it any longer. It is turning into a blaring car horn of ignorance! I am a Christian. I don’t hate you or anyone else because of your lifestyle, life choices, race or religion. Why would I? What does that change? How does that help?

I pray for my friends or family that see my faith as a form of hate. I’m sorry if I’ve ever misplaced who Jesus is in my life and made Him out to be anything but loving or forgiving. I assure you, that is not my Lord. He is loving, He is forgiving, He is merciful and He loves every breathing human. He cares about me and He cares about you. I hope that somehow, someway…you will see the true love of God from the Christian people in your midst. Until then, I pray away the hate and the glee that seems to be growing in our society, tv news and on social media. My faith is real to me and never has it pointed me in a direction of hate towards any other person.

So, I ask again….why do you hate Christians?

Lord Jesus,

Help me to live in such a way that those who don’t know you or understand you would want to meet you and see for themselves what all the hype is about. You are a God worth loving and not even the loudest banging gong of our society can change that.


Anger Landlord

Monday, January 7th, 2019

I’ve been renting out space in my heart to anger. I’m embarrassed admitting it, but it’s true. I have a whole room full of bitter rage towards people who have no single thought of me at all. I catch myself crying out to God to take my hurt away and some days, I feel like I’m okay. Then, my circumstances or what feels like a result of all that’s happened sneak back up and remind me of all the scars I have from the whole experience.

The trouble for me is that my anger doesn’t hurt them at all. They’re fine. Happy, even. Fulfilled and satisfied. Meanwhile, I’m bathing in a hot boiling poisonous tub of anger! I want to lash out and hurt back. Which in truth, I am doing that….only it’s me feeling all the pain. They are free.

What is it about anger that literally consumes us and fills us with such a dark ugly pain? Is it the “what if” of our situation? What if the thing that hurts so much didn’t happen? Would we be okay then? Would my heart not burn with frustration or bitterness? Could I wake up and not think of what happened as a personal act against me? Maybe I’m just not the person I should be. Maybe my heart is just a dirty black hole of unforgiveness.

I woke up this morning with chest pains. I had been dreaming about an argument I was having with a stranger at a church I’d never attended. She was scolding me for the way I treated another employee there. I tried everything to defend myself and with every explanation, she shut me right back down. I felt helpless. When I woke up, I could see my anger right in front of my face as if it were an ugly photograph of my insides.

I felt all the pain of the last 850 days pressing me down as if it were a heavy monster pinning me to the bed.

Anger is poisonous. It’s destructive and it robs us of peace. It steals our joy and as if it were rubbing salt into our wounds, it hurts inside and out. Anger changes us and replaces who we once were with a bitter version of who we never intended to be.

My rental space is coming up on the market. I’m only interested in tenants of joy, peace and forgiveness. Like cleaning out the garbage and slapping on fresh paint to the walls, my heart space has no room for the destructive vice of anger. Only love.

Love for the ones who’ve hurt me.
Love for the pain and living through it.
Love for the opportunity to see what needs to go from my heart & mind.
Love for all that God has secured and protected while I was mad as hell.
Love for those who never ever deserve it.
Love for a life that has been given even when I squandered it.
Love for all the new in my life.
Love for what was.
Love for what will be.
Love for learning the hard way to snap the heck out of it.
Love for myself.
Love for a God who sees, hears and still loves when I’m most unlovable.
Love for a heart that is human and frail but still chases God.
Love for reminding me, I will be okay.

So, here I am….doing a total flip job on my heart.

Dear Lord,

How ever do you love a servant like me? Angry, vicious and miserable? I have stood at heavens doors screaming and complaining about every misdeed done against me. When all the while, you stood strong listening and loving me. Why? I confess my anger and my resentment towards those who in my own mind I see as cruel and heartless. Forgive me for feeling so bitter towards them. I have been wrong. Help me to clear out the space I’ve been filling with the hottest anger and replace it with only love.


No Darkness Here

Thursday, January 3rd, 2019

I woke up to a big truck rumbling outside my window this morning, just annoying enough to rouse mama up from her sleepy slumber. I stumbled out of my tiny bedroom to look out my FROZEN windows and I could see a dark figure through the icy blur. I recognized the truck outline as the owner of the property where my hubby and I squat in Imagene (our cool dude camper).

He sat there idling away in the freezing temps obviously waiting for someone to show up for something….

Then, he drove away.

I have told everyone that living on this property has been awful for me. I am easily swayed to love every place I ever live. I’m a root maker, a lover of all things home and a gal who can dig in and turn even the strangest of circumstances into something lovely. The views here are magnificent! I can look in every direction and see God’s glory! It is a coveted location to be and HERE I SIT like a queen on a dang throne, in a camper!

Oh, I’m not slumming. Don’t feel sorry for me. I have a very sweet RV to live in, I have a real bathroom with counters….people! It’s not that bad! The only really bad part is that I WANT MY HOUSE OUT OF STORAGE! I want to decorate walls and a kitchen! I want to cook all the meals in a beautiful space with a kick A stove & oven ( a real oven that’s not built for little people ).

While I waited on my coffee to perk, I heard the big truck & trailer coming my way. It was loaded down with all the machinery and wood to do exactly what I’m dreaming of doing myself. Building a house & barn.

I recognized the situation as soon as they pulled in – Amish. I teased my hubby that by the time he got home tonight they should have her built. No joke, they work faster than any normal man alive. I sat down and within minutes these jokers had framed out the whole building! Not to mention, they’ve taken phone calls and eaten lunch!

So, here I am….sitting inside my dream camper completely fallen off the NO COMPLAINING wagon. I cried and told God I was sorry for burying my contract under my sinful jealousy this morning. I confessed my lack of faith of ever having a house again. I see how mean satan is and he knows right where to go after me. Jerk.

I have dreamt of building a barnhouse! I’ve been obsessed with the whole process. So, here I sit watching my landlords build my/their dreams. I thank God for blessing them, honestly. But what is the dang lesson here?

Am I to buckle down and focus on riding this waiting journey out?

Do I need to snap out of it and repent for something that I’m neglecting to deal with God about?

Could it be that I’m supposed to see this dream being built for some future house of my own, SOMEDAY?

Are these builders angels?

Or am I living out the consequences of personal sin?

Don’t misunderstand, I don’t mean to sound outrageous. All the way to here has been a struggle. Everything that has happened has given me more reason than not to ponder my own personal responsibility in who I am in Christ. It’s easy to ignore and gloss over sin. We all do a jam up job of painting ourselves as OKAY! I’m no better than anyone and I fully admit I am a weak person that doesn’t always get it right. Sin can ruin you.

However, I live under the most amazing grace ever offered in all of history. Jesus’ death on the cross has changed up all the “could have beens” for my janked up life. I don’t have to worry about God ever NOT loving me or forgiving me. His Son’s death took care of that and I have profound gratefulness for His promises.

So, after confessing to God my struggle to understand why and where He has me this very day… I got a boost of encouragement from seeing my life as a LIGHT! I don’t want to be wandering around in darkness. I love who I am, where God has me and all that He’s going to do through me. I want to shine His light out.

Even if I never unpack a single thing from my storage rental or hang one treasure on another wall. I want to point others to the light with my life. I can’t do that if I’m bogged down in what I don’t have or what someone else does. Nope. It won’t work.


Make me a light bringer. Thank you for reminding me of all the ways YOU LOVE ME and provide exactly what I need. I want to shine bright just for you!


Victim Mentality

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2019

I’ve thought a lot about myself this year. I realize this doesn’t sound very nice and that’s why I’m confessing it with full abandon. I have zeroed in on ME, MYSELF and I — I’ve thought about other’s too. Not just me. But, for the most part….I’ve radared in on myself and all my problems. Enough so, that I’m deeply ashamed of how pathetic I lived in 2018.

Don’t get me wrong, things were bad.

My life was one wonky son-of-a-gun on the edge of tumbling straight into the hole of nowhere. Oh dang! Here I go again focusing on me and my troubles.
Let me start over.

I’ve been a mixed bag of feeling sorry for myself & doubting my life would ever make sense again. The strangest part of all that misery is that I’m not the only sucker to have problems. The world is full of hurting people, many hurting much deeper than I’ve ever hurt. Yet, I compounded my pain by complaining and lamenting about it to whomever would sit still long enough to listen.

This morning, I took a bite out of the best advice I could’ve received for the upcoming new year — STOP COMPLAINING! God has given me a great life, not a perfect one but a fantastic & blessed life. One that I can be proud of and one that is rich in ways that many never know. I am loved, I am safe and I am living proof that God is good and blesses the most undeserving of all.

Why have I wasted so many dumb days wallowing in self-pity?

2019 offers a fresh start in many ways, but for me I recognize the best NEW THING I can do for myself and those around me is to knock off the whining and ridiculous cloud of doom overhead. It’s not only a gift to others but a gift to myself.

Self-pity causes…

Lack of faith
Jaded outlook
Frown lines –> Y’ALL!
Sour attitude
Jerky behavior
Doom & gloom
Mean spirit
Negative thinking
Black heart

And more!

Now that I’ve admitted my problem, it’s time to do something about it. I’m signing a contract with myself to make 2019 a year with as little complaining as possible. YOU’RE ALL WELCOME!! Whenever I feel inclined to gripe and fuss about whatever it is in my life that bothers me or worries me — I commit to pray about it instead of unleashing my unwanted misery onto the world around me.

Looking back at how much I smothered the people I love most with my complaining, I OWE EVERY ONE OF YOU AN APOLOGY! And a THANK YOU! Because the truth of it is that I needed to be heard and many of you listened even when you knew in your heart I needed to just shut up. Thank you for encouraging me when I was at my lowest and for believing that what felt like impending doom would one day end.

It was hard. Yet, here I am.

Holding On Loosely

Tuesday, January 1st, 2019

I still cry, a little.

2018 was scary, uncertain and filled with moments that changed me and ultimately rearranged my whole life. A year ago, pretty much everything seemed to be spiraling out of control. Looking back now, I see just how God was orchestrating many hard & difficult things to push me to new heights.

Of all the change, losing my girl Miss Lizzy has been the most challenging. Kids grow up and leave, they have busy lives…animals stick around until they can’t any longer and that’s been a hard hill to climb. I miss her and think about her every day.

Still, I’m focusing on what’s up ahead right now. 2019 holds the promise of so many new and wonderful beginnings for me and for my family. I have learned that not every setback is final, life can go on and it can be amazing in spite of the painful parts.

If trouble has done anything it’s shown me that it doesn’t last forever. Good things come and happier days snuff out the sad ones. It’s all part of the growing in Christ journey. I don’t want to be the same next year that I am today. I want to grow closer to God, wiser to His ways and more confident in sharing who He is to those lost & hurting.

I can’t wait to live every day to the fullest in this new year!

Happy 2019, friends!

PS. I still love Montana! Even at -12 degrees tonight! Brrrrr! I may feel differently after snowmobiling in Big Sky tomorrow.

Fill the Gap

Monday, November 12th, 2018

I had to give my testimony yesterday at church. It was in private with 2 very thoughtful and gentle men, who serve to recommend new members to the committee. It’s important to know who you are joining ranks with, honestly. For them and for me (us). God’s work is and should be the highest calling on our life. I want to be in a church who serves and obeys HIM and I’m glad to know they want a heart like mine to do what my gifts allow in their church too!

Win win.

I cried during my testimony because I am an emotional human. Before and after, throughout my whole life. A bundle of emotions. My story isn’t sweet or easy. It’s complicated and sometimes really ugly. While I didn’t go into every detail just how ugly, both men were very kind to listen and love just the same.

The truth is, I am a miracle. My life is one to point straight to Christ for saving me out of the miry pit and putting me on a path of righteousness. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. It was never important to love God. So, when I found out just how much God loved me….. I RAN DOWN THAT ALTER!

Fast forward and you see my life has always been strategically patterned by God. Even the toughest times, He offered grace and mercy to push me forward in love. During my testimony, both my hubby and I had to admit…WE DO NOT KNOW WHY God has sent us to Montana. But we know He has a plan and He wants to use us here. Our ministry is alive and well. This church needs us as much as we need them.

While I wonder why I’m so far from family and loved ones….

God has provided some GIANTS to stand in the gap. People that love us in spite of us (which is the case for everyone back home too!). I told my hubby on Saturday that I cannot understand a love like we’ve been shown FROM STRANGERS (who are all now friends, of course!) that care for us, even knowing we have nothing to offer them back!

They are a gift from God. These good people who God sent to stand in the gap for me. I love them and I love Him for loving me that much to use them in my life!

I LOVE MY NEW LIFE IN MONTANA! I will get back to normal, some day.

You are all-knowing and all-powerful. There’s NOTHING you cannot do or won’t do to show your love. Thank you for the ones you’ve sent to stand in the gap for Don and me. We are so loved, through your children in Montana.