Don't get confused. I would never fist-to-the-sky the Lord. While I do have a sassy personality in many ways….challenging God in any capacity is not in my genetic makeup.
Y'all, I fear Him.
Not in a scaredy-cat kind of way. But in a HE IS HOLY and I am not kind of way.
However…
Remember how I told you about the sermon on money? Yea, and how the pastor laid it all out there for me to see how I worry and fret and hold back and give for all the wrong reasons? Yea, that one. Well, the gauntlet of challenges have found their way directly to my "oh I've got this" door.
If you've ever made a big decision to let go and be more trusting of anything in your life then you know how anything & everything will purposefully come your way to create obstacles in your path. Like, challenges!
So, when I say challenging God….I'm not talking about me challenging Him, I'm talking about Him challenging me.
Right around the time of that sermon, I got a message from a young ministry friend who wanted to allow my hubby & I the opportunity to help support him & his family in their college ministry. Imagine my excitement when he popped up on my screen. I felt it was truly a God thing since I was looking to be stretched a bit in my giving. I felt excited to have a chance to do something above what I knew was obedient in my willingness to serve Christ. When I told my hubby, he felt just the same. We agreed to read his impending letter and pray diligently over a monetary amount to give each month.
Challenge accepted.
A few days later, I was checking bank accounts online and from the math….I could see clearly that our girls were short of making their monthly rent payment. Inside my head, I tossed around "what ifs" and came to the conclusion, we were going to have to help them. Not begrudgingly, but by neccessity. They really don't ask for much and helping them was really a privilege. However, I would have to borrow it from our savings and that put me in a little bit of a panic. Remember what the pastor said? "Watching your money get smaller causes stress!" and he was so right. I was feeling tense!
The next day, I checked the mail and recieved a weird letter from a source not familiar to me. Why? Because it was a collection agency! They were giving us ONE MORE CHANCE to pay $84.93 before it got real ugly. I read the letter and re-read the letter. Over and over. Then I went straight to the online banking records. It was a bill from QVC that hadn't been paid (according to them) and now we were in deep trouble with these folks. A few months back, we recieved a letter from QVC stating that my hubby's Visa card had expired and that they needed him to update it for their records in order for the final 2 payments on an item we purchased to be finalized. He went online and followed the directions…..but something obviously, did not work. Hence, the new letter from a collection agency!
I was floored with worry! Like, I wanted to cry! And pitch a fit! And call QVC and scream! But, I didn't. I took it like a worry-wart and got all hot and bothered.
More challenges? I believe so.
Less than a week later, I'm driving back down south to pick up a prescription when I notice….my windshield has a huge crack in it. It's the shape of a smiley face right in the middle of my car. I gasped and nearly freaked out! I called (you know who, hubby) and who says that he noticed a chip recently and that the constant freezing weather must have caused it to crack. He asks me to run by our insurance agents office while I'm in town to see about replacing it asap.
$500.00 deductible, baby!!! I nearly jumped out of the chair! I felt sick with shock! Again, another financial poke! Didn't God know all of the many ways someone wanted something from us financially? Seriously, Lord?
So, I decided that I WOULD DECIDE when the time was right for replacing my windshield (as if it were some sort of luxury). Honestly, blowing $500 on anything feels like a luxury, right? Except today as I drove to Target….the smiley face crack had turned all devil angry and is now a gigantic U from the top to the bottom of my window. No more waiting. Appointment for my new luxurious windshield is set for Monday!
The way I see it…..money is a real source of strain. Even when you have plenty of it. It still causes stress and worry. (and NO, I'm not loaded) All I wanted to do was be generous and obedient with what God has given me. Yet, the reality of it is that I feel pulled to the edge and stretched so very thin that I don't feel confident that I'm going to be able to bless anyone, let alone my own family.
I'm feeling over challenged. Maybe that's what God had planned for me all along. I'll let you know.
Lord,
You give and take away. I know that you are my source of blessing. I'm trusting you to manage the resources I have to not only care for me but to bless others as well.
Amen
