I’ve had the nerve to question God a time or two during this uncertain time in our lives. I know, right? I catch myself feeling all sorry and down (maybe it’s because the stress of not finding a replacement job is looming overhead, I don’t know) and when I get in that low kind of thinking – I cry out to Him with “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GOD?” questions.
As if it’s any of my business.
I know I can trust Him. I know I can hold fast to His promise. I know He can make beauty from ashes. I know He is Lord of Lords and King of Kings. I know He will never forsake me. I know He doesn’t cause pain. I know He uses the broken. I know He can use what someone meant for evil as good. I know He cares about my future. I know He loves me. I know He sees what is happening. I know He has a plan.
I know it all. Yet, here I am walking around bleary-eyed from another up & down sleepless night. My mind racing with thoughts of how quickly the time is passing without a single word of a new job prospect. We could lose our house and more if my hubby doesn’t find a job.
So, knowing all that I know about real life….I can’t help but feel apprehensive about our future.
This morning, God reminded me AGAIN just how mighty He is and that He is mindful of ME in the midst of my worrying. For the last few weeks, the story of Joseph has been pounded into my brain and I don’t believe it’s by accident. While Joseph’s life and mine are not the same (no one’s throwing me down a well to die to get rid of me) much of what we’re going through feels as though we’ve been tossed away and just forgotten. Like, we never mattered.
Joseph endured some rough years all because of what his brothers’ did to him. They meant him harm. Jealousy, dirty-hearted unkindness and sin in their hearts drove them to leave him there to die. I wonder if they ever even thought of him again after they walked away that day.
I’ve felt that about my own situation too. Is anyone even concerned that we may lose our whole world? Has anyone thought about us? Our bills? Our medical needs? Our college kid? Anything? Hello? Anybody?
Are we just done here? Goodbye?
Then God brings me back to Joseph. For years he lived in uncertainty. He was taken to Egypt, bought by Potiphar, given the job of overseer of his house, too good-looking not to catch the eye of an unhappy wife, accused of rape, thrown in jail and there he sat until he was called upon to interpret Pharaoh’s dream….where he finally gets his feet underneath him and proves he can be trusted. The road to success was bumpy, wouldn’t you say? Matter of fact, it was awful. Dreadful.
My situation feels awful, it seems dreadful. I fear I won’t last 13 years (that’s about how long Joseph was tossed here & there). I need rescuing soon, Lord (picture me, crying out again).
Then, the famine. Guess who comes to see Joseph for help? The brothers who meant him harm. They didn’t have a thought in the world that they’d be bowing down to their own flesh and blood for help. Never in their wildest dreams because they had left all concern for Joseph down in that well years before. He was gone from their lives or so they thought.
If you’ve ever wondered….Does God use what someone means as evil to fulfill His glory? YES, YES HE DOES. Remember Babylon? In the book of Habakkuk, God used the Babylonians (an evil people) to accomplish His will. His purpose was to bring judgement on Judah for their idolatry. Babylon, was His instrument. Joseph’s brothers? His instrument as well. What they did out of the meanness of their hearts, God used to fulfill His divine plan.
“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20
I know I can hold fast to God’s ultimate plan for my future. I believe He is going to bless my family in spite of what feels like turmoil and unease. I know good can come from what seems like disaster. And I know, HE WILL USE WHOMEVER AND WHATEVER TO FULFILL HIS MISSION in my life.
God,
You work in mysterious ways. Sometimes it’s right out in front for everyone to see and other times it’s hidden from all eyes. I know, You have a plan for me and my life. Help me to rest in that promise.
Amen.