Posts Tagged ‘pressure’

Stop Sleeping on the Bedspread

Sunday, November 22nd, 2015

Messes weren’t allowed when I was a kid.

Just about every night I would sleep on top of my bedspread. I did it because I didn’t want to mess up my bed. If I pulled the covers back, I automatically felt stressed because my room wasn’t picture perfect like my mom expected it to be. For my little brother and me, playing with our toys involved nothing but aggravation from our mom. We had great toys and lots of them but taking them off the shelf opened her up to feeling like our whole house was out of sorts. For her, cleanliness was her euphoria.

I grew up with an enormous amount of pressure to be perfect.

Now that it’s almost Christmas time, the messiest time of the year. Somebody NEEDS to read this post. Somebody needs to lighten up on their kids, their self and the world.

clean it

I didn’t realize the pressure I grew up with until I brought my own kids home to my mother’s house when they were little. Instead of playing and having fun with them as they toddled around her perfect house, she followed them step for step straightening up every single thing they touched. Don’t get me wrong, her house was beautiful. Everything had a place and it was never out of that place unless my little chubby fingered kids touched it. It drove her crazy.

I would observe her as she followed them around and every “No no” transported me back in time to my own childhood with her. She was fanatical about our house and things. She loved having everything appear just as if it were a photograph in a magazine. For a kid, that’s NO FUN DUDES! Totally, no fun at all.

In case you didn’t know, there is a huge difference in a dirty house and a messy one.

A dirty house that hasn’t been cleaned is gross. A messy house is a house that people live in and use.

Whatever you’re doing as the mom in your family, be the kind who knows how to have a good time. Don’t place unrealistic pressure on your kids and family. Figure out how to enjoy the chaos. There’s NOTHING wrong with having a clean house but for goodness sakes – give your family the freedom to wreck the place and party it up.

Take it from me, you don’t want to leave your kids with a forever memory of sleeping on top of the bedspread.


You Have To Be Good

Friday, June 7th, 2013


Have you ever been told to be a good example for others?  Did it make you feel a little pressured?  What about your kids?  Have you ever told them that others are watching them and expecting them to do what's right?


Uhh, yea….me too.  I regret it.

Looking back, I see how heavy that kind of advice can be on a person.  My goal wasn't to stress my kids out (of course) but to help them make good choices for themselves and whomever might be watching.  Some might call it the "don't make ME look bad" parenting advice.  Be good or people will judge me.  I really think it was just one "wanna be" good girl trying to force feed perfection into her brood without realizing all the consequences that come from trying to fit into a mold of goodness.

Don't get me wrong, we are to train our kids to make right choices.  But we must also let them fail.  It's impossible to be perfect.  No one can do everything right all the time.  Our own imperfections shine bright every single day (right in front of our kids) and who are we to force them to do as I say and not as I do?  As much as I want to set a good example for my kids….I have fallen short in so many ways and it's clear to them — I am human! 

Raising good girls (and boys) shouldn't be our only goal as we parent our kids.  Teaching them to be real and showing them how to live a genuine life of faith will give them the better adantage as they navigate life.  Minus the unattainable pressure of always being perfect.  Who needs that?

If you were wondering….here are some of the effects of being perfect that we place on our kids.

1 — I can never mess up.  If I'm a Christian, I have to have it all together…all the time.

2 — Hide.  If I can't live up to the good kid expectation, I'll just hide behind this mask of perfection.  No one will know.

3 — People are watching.  They are, but they don't need me to be perfect…they need me to be real.  They need to know I struggle and WHOM I turn to when I'm in a bind.  Think: Faith in action!

4 — They'll judge me.  Yes, they will.  But that's more of a reflection of them than you.  Live outloud for Christ and stop worrying about being the best!

I admit that what I want for my kids is for them to have good and happy lives.  However, I don't want them to miss out on any lessons that God might have for them.  Sometimes those lessons are what molds us to be just who Christ wants us to be.  While I wish I could change many things when it comes to my parenting…I'm grateful that God used me and helped me to teach my own kids about forgiveness & grace.

Being real is way more important than being good.  After all, real people follow God and real people make mistakes.  Striving to be more like Jesus is the example I want to set…not just for me but my kids too.


I want to be teachable.  I want to be approachable.  I don't want to look like the girl who has it all together.  Use me, mold me and make me more like You!