Posts Tagged ‘toxic behavior’

The Day I Beat Up My Emotions

Thursday, June 13th, 2019

It’s been a long and fun week working in VBS! I haven’t crawled around on the floor like this in many long years. It’s like a game each morning to discover what body part is going to rebel upon rising out of bed! Who knew VBS was such a killer? Or perhaps, I just NEED TO GET INTO S H A P E !!!

My body isn’t the only part that has stretched and grown this week, so has my old lady heart! Little children have a way of reacting change inside of us. It’s like they have a human game controller that pushes all the buttons of our minds & hearts. I don’t spend time with little people….however, I am immersed in teendom and there is a huge difference in the two groups. Little people are very active in their imaginations still. They react and move according to whatever pops up in their heads. I like it, now that I’m re-familiar with it. Which leads me to point out just how much I operate in MY OWN DANG EMOTIONS!

On night 1, the Lord in all His HOLY GOODNESS sent me a Mariela. Mariela doesn’t listen or follow instructions. She wiggles away, dances to her own music and has an over-zealous opinion about every topic.

If it sounds familiar….. I am Mariela.

I can’t sit still in my emotions. I take off and run wild in my thoughts & imagine the worst in life situations. I dance to my own music and oftentimes I fall down on the dance floor as if I’m boogying on a ruffly blanket. And, don’t get me started on how many opinions I have about….well, everything!

On night 2, Caleb & his tied to his back “back-pack” jumped on Gunnar’s back and set the whole group into a tail-spin fall. Boys will be boys, right? It’s hard to sit still and listen!

If Caleb seems familiar…..I am Caleb.

I am quick to pick & choose what I wear and carry in my heart. I will turn to the most unhealthy of things in a split second — food, how I spend my time & where I focus my energy! Oh and I will jump to conclusions and wreck your plans and mine if I’m not very careful with my emotions.

Day 3, Axil took off and did her own thing every chance she had. She couldn’t be bothered with whatever everyone else was doing, she had her own plan. If I tried to bring her back to the gang, she would go limp (hence, my killer aching back). Even gentle threats of calling MOM didn’t stop the shenanigans.

If Axil makes total sense….I am Axil.

I don’t have time for what everyone else is doing. I set my own schedule since I am an adult but for the most part…’s wasted and useless time sucking stuff. I race away from relationships, time with people that matter and convince myself that MY TIME IS MORE VALUABLE than whatever task begs for my attention. I will even ignore God when HE tells me clearly to go, seek and do! Yea, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Day 4, sickness hit the whole VBS building.

People went home, tummies were wrecked and threats of more illness loom amongst the rest of our people.

If being sick of _________? sounds familiar……I am sick.

I am infected with sick emotions. Isn’t it funny (not really) how easy we are set off by a rude comment or a misinterpretation of what someone says or does to us? I can dream up in my own head all sorts of stuff that never even exists. I can vomit ugliness and I pray I’m not the only one to do this but I want a vaccine to stop the spread of my toxic emotion sickness. Don’t you?

Here’s what I know:

I can show love by not jumping to conclusions about someone else’s words or actions. God can & will handle them if they are in the wrong. Since I’m not God…..have at em, Lord. Help me to be more like you – and less like Me!

I can offer grace by withholding my true feelings in situations that are begging me to respond. God is endlessly gracious to me. I want to extend such a good & loving grace too.

I don’t have to run from my feelings. But, I don’t have to wear them like a ripped up t-shirt and tan leggings to Walmart either. A good rule here is to PRAY! PRAY PRAY PRAY before blasting the world with my f e e l i n g s!

I can be healthy with my emotions. It isn’t an accident that God put me with the cutest little gaggle of preschoolers this week. Oh no no no, it isn’t. God knew just how much I needed to see myself through some of the funniest little antics of these children. Just like each of them, I need to grow and mature before I am who God desires me to be.


I thank you for the little children you shared with me this week. In each of them, I see myself. Perfect and yet….not exactly where I’m supposed to be. Thank you for reminding me to kick to the curb everything that doesn’t belong inside of me.