Queenies Little Kingdom

I never knew just how much my identity was tied to my children. For the record, I admit that I was a serious helicopter mom while my kids were growing up. I stepped in when I should have backed off. I defended when I should have (well, maybe not) let it go. I cheered the loudest when I should have acted “normal”. I barged in when I should have knocked (not just doors either). I put my two-cents in when I should have kept my money in my pocket. I rescued when I should have let the consequences take their course.

But, I did it all with a mad crazy love for each of my children and I’d probably do it all again.

Recently, I was talking to a young mother of 4 boys. They ranged from birth to 6 years old and while they crawled all over the dinner booth of the restaurant where we were eating, she lovingly offered each one of them her undivided attention. Her patience and kindness was unique, so many moms are frazzled and overwhelmed these days. I praised her and reminded her just how quickly these days slip away.

I didn’t realize how much of who I was – was wrapped around being the mom to my children. Until…. they all moved out and my noisy busy house turned into a quiet empty shell. For many moms, the empty nest becomes a sort of mixed bag of emotions. Some are beyond ready to let their birds fly while others of us feel a constant lump in the throat when that last light is clicked off each night. It’s not that we can’t function, it’s just that we are at our best when we are doing what we love most…mothering.

My own growing up years were riddled with issues. I had a loving mother but I also had an abusive one. She used her words to tear me down and she turned physically violent when she couldn’t figure out how to discipline within reason. Her reactions could be harsh and my sensitive spirit took the brunt of her dysfunctional behaviors. She loved me but for most of my life growing up, she didn’t love herself. Still, she was my mother and I loved her. I knew somehow that God was going to redeem me and that I’d experience motherly love….perhaps by blessing my own children with the love they deserve.

What exactly is it that children need anyway? To feel blessed? In my own simple thinking, I felt certain that each of them needed to know their value. Not just their value to me but their value as human beings and children of God. This was easy to do (for me) because I was madly in love with each of them from the moment I found out they were being formed inside my womb. I never wanted to give them a false sense of importance (the kind that turns perfectly good little humans into spoiled rotten brats) but I wanted them to feel special and loved.

How did I do that? Show them love?

Through my words and touch.

Our world is full of adults that never knew kind words or physical touch from their parents. Not that their parents didn’t feel love for them but they never shared it. I’ve read stories, heard personal accounts and experienced wounded people during my lifetime that the number one problem in their lives could be traced back to a distant or unloving parent. So many have never heard, “I love you” or “You’re a great kid”. Many have never felt the warm hug or the snuggle of sweetness that only a parent can give.

In defense of these kinds of parents, many of them feel that simply being there in their children’s lives shows that they love them.

From the day I first got my hands on each of my children, I held them and loved on them. I sang sweet words in their ears and I smiled at them with a joy in my heart. I never wanted them to wonder….If I loved them!

Children don’t get a say in who their parents are…. when I was having a bad day, I tried hard not to take it out on my kids. I remember catching the ugliness from my mother’s bad days. While it wasn’t my fault, I often felt the negative reactions must have somehow been linked to me. She admitted regret for that stuff before she died and she admonished me for the kind and loving mother that I was to my own children.

I consider that a gift. All the unkind words throughout my life – felt like they had been erased from the paper of my heart. I can still see some of the writing….but mostly, it has faded away. Words are powerful!

As I reflect back on my days as a mom….. these are some of the things I did to bless my kids –>

Spoke affirming words over their lives.

Did I do everything right? Absolutely not. Did I fall short and lose my cool? Heck yea. Did I have to own up to my mistakes to my kids? Oh yes. Time and time again. Do my kids know I love them? I think so. Do my kids look forward to parenting their own kids someday? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Being their mother brings me joy, fills me with pride and lathers me in excitement that it’s only just the beginning of our relationship. Someday, these amazing people will parent my grandchildren and I will get to be another kind of mom!

God
You are the giver of everything. Thank you for making me a mom. I have no greater calling than to have been called that name.
Amen

I haven’t posted a fashion Friday post in a few weeks because WHO CARES? Fashion isn’t everything, right?! Time with the people you love trumps all things stylish, to me. Last week, I went to lunch with my pretty girls and then out shopping for some Friday fun. This week, I’m slaving away in Chinese classes. Somebody’s gotta make the donuts!

My wardrobe has pretty much consisted of whatever was appropriate for very warm weather the last week or so. I’ve busted out the shorts from the back of the closet and tip-tapped around in all my favorite sandals. Oh, and we officially clicked on the A/C in our house. Before bed last night, the weather man mentioned that next week’s HIGH would be in the 60’s. Indiana. Really?

In case you’ve been wondering (which, why would you really?) I’ve been up to a few good things lately besides going to the d o c t o r. I’ve started up my favorite morning habit –>

Clearly, this is how I was meant to live.

After I’ve heated up my bones in the morning, I can slip out front and water my flowers and rock away my worries on my front porch. What worries do I have, you ask? My doorbell died. It’s becoming a real hassle. Visitors, deliveries and the whatnot must think I’m a real jerk for never answering the door. Who wants to miss guests or goodies? Not me, dudes!

I finally admitted defeat or that I’m getting fat whichever way you want to look at it and took my wedding ring in to be re-sized. 4 1/4 just wasn’t cutting it on my puffy little left hand finger. I was blaming it on salt, the heat and all sorts of other stuff. But, I think the truth is – that I’m getting a little too fluffy and my fingers are trying to tell me something!

Any way. I picked it up yesterday and it feels soooooo much better.

Last night was the perfect evening for a sunset dinner on the back porch. My favorite gardener was busy planting tomatoes and other goodies so I brought dinner outside and it was a great little dinner date.

I cooked crockpot chicken tacos. So easy, so delicious.

Chicken Taco

Throw it all in a crock pot, walk away. Come back a few hours later and shred the chicken with a couple of forks. Voila!

The most amazing taco meat ever! I serve with both crunchy taco shells and soft. Add in all the fixin’s you like: lettuce, tomato, cheese…more salsa. It’s one of the easiest and most loved foods I make.

Now, I’m gearing up for the weekend. It’s going to be another weird holiday for me, 2 of my prized possessions will be missing. Gavin in Texas and Gates will be working at her new job at the Library. Why is the library opened anyway? Darn it! So, Ally is going to have to hold me together and fill my mama heart.

If anybody can do it…..it’s her! Look at this picture that I found this week. It’s me washing dishes with hubby holding Ally, except it really looks like Ally is washing the dishes. Funny resemblance, huh? My pretty baby’s all grown up and looks like her mama. I remember being that skinny. 😉

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama friends. Enjoy your weekend blessings.

It’s been 660 days since my mother left this earth and made her voyage to heaven. One year, nine months and twenty-one days. All this time, I’ve thought of her as “just leaving” a few days ago. But time charges on and the hours, minutes and days keep growing farther apart.

It’s true what some say….time does help to ease the shock of death. However, it doesn’t change the emptiness that the heart feels. The absence of someone you love never really goes away. It follows you wherever you go.

My mother was a very unique lady. She never held back what she was thinking. Her mouth was her biggest downfall (wonder where I get it). You never had to wonder how she felt about something because SHE WOULD TELL YOU!

I remember as a kid feeling embarrassed when my mother would get upset over something and react in a way that scolded someone else. I would wish that I could disappear and vanish from the situation. She was a firecracker who wasn’t afraid to let someone have it. Now that I’m all grown up, I can see how her actions were her way of defending what she felt needed defending.

The last week of her life, her ability to communicate came and went. I showed her a funny video of one of my daughter’s dancing in a pair of shorts she got for Christmas. The joke was that the shorts were awful. To be silly and mock the way they looked, she danced in them as if they were wonderful. My mother looked at the video and thought for a moment, then said, “Get rid of that! That’s terrible!” She couldn’t understand why my daughter would ever do that and on her death bed insisted that we erase that from the earth. I couldn’t help but giggle and marvel at her attention to such a thing in her condition. Right to the end, she was tough and opinionated. 😉

I have so many funny memories of my mom because she was absolutely hilarious. Her sense of humor was the best. She could turn anything into a big laugh and she usually did. I think that’s one of my kid’s favorite qualities about her. She made them laugh, all the time. They also loved her amazing cooking! A high honor if I do say so, myself.

Once when I was an older teen, the phone started ringing in the middle of the night. I jumped up to run to her room to answer it before it woke her up and just as I got to her door (it was half-opened) she jumped straight up out of bed and took off running — only, she ran right into the half-opened door head first. I stood there shocked at her full-blast run in with her own bedroom door. She bounced off the door (with her forehead) like something out of a movie. It knocked her awake and in my 18 year old immaturity, I killed over laughing. I couldn’t help it, it was so funny!

She didn’t think it was funny….at all. Neither of us ever answered the phone.

Years later, she was visiting me as a young mom in my new home. We were sitting outside on my big front porch watching my little boy toddle around. She was sitting in a one-person swing, laughing and enjoying the moment when all of the sudden, the swing snapped. She flipped through the air landing on the ground beside the porch on her head. This time, I screamed instead of laughed because I recognized the possibility of a dire injury. I raced down to where she landed and asked her if she could move. Still stunned, she said, “Call 911!”. I ran to the phone and soon the EMT’s arrived to help. After checking her out and finding her all well and good, she realized that one of the EMT’s was a handsome Tom Selleck look-alike. Without missing a beat, she played up that she “might” need a little help back up on the porch. The handsome EMT full of compassion and care, gently held onto her as he half carried her up on the porch. After they drove away, I died laughing when she started picking dirt, grass and limbs out of her hair. She said, “Great, I probably looked like a crazy lady to that dude!”

Thankfully, she wasn’t injured just banged up. However, her sense of humor was still intact after a wild ride off of my porch.

I loved her for so many reasons. Mainly, because she was my mom. She made me feel special for being me (a mom trait). She also made a lot of mistakes and at the end of her life, admitted her failures openly. I don’t hold any of her faults against her. God allowed us both to part ways with a clean slate. I’m so thankful for that time. Not everyone gets the chance to forgive and make peace.

This Mother’s Day I’ll remember her for the ways she blessed me and loved me in her own motherly way. I’ll laugh at the memories we shared and probably tear up at the time that stands between us. I won’t stop counting the days until I see her again.

Happy heavenly mother’s day, Mom!

So, Monday. It’s here whether any of us are ready for it or not. I had a great weekend! My girls were here to visit, my hubby (who is a SUPERHERO) was able to fix Ally’s car!!! WooHoo! We switched over to Dish for cable and we (I use the “we” very loosely) transformed our yard into a beautiful vision with just a few new flowers and some foliage relocating.

My hubby is killer awesome!

He did try to do me in on Sunday though by cutting into our internet cable. I didn’t say he was perfect! Just awesome! Which in my book is just one step below perfect. He sort of had it coming. He’s had every important line in his work world cut multiple times by co-workers and even the boss a few times. Nothing slows down IT production like cut cables. So, it was only right that he finally do it to himself. He was pretty frustrated with HIMSELF since he was the one holding the shovel.

He didn’t think it was very funny when I said, “Great, now how is Lizzy (our dog) going to snap-chat with her friends tonight?!!”.

I guess he wasn’t in the mood for a “joke” after having to call the cable company to come out and repair his mistake.

Alas, the weekend was still a success!

It’s finals week for both of our girls. They’ve run the race and are almost to the finish line (for the semester). It’s a great feeling to accomplish something important, isn’t it?

Here’s to a great week, friends! Can you believe it’s MAY??