I’m short compared to normal people. At times, I convince myself that I’m just as tall as everybody else around me and then I can’t reach something….and the reality of my squirt size sets in. I’m just a 5’3″ lady with a giant size attitude and mindset. So, this new start of my life should only be a blip of a challenge to my determination.
I can do hard things.
I’ve had some time to think about my circumstance the last 3 weeks and I’ve decided that I don’t have to have all the answers or a million dollars to bounce back. Although, the million would surely help. My life is not over and my future is completely in God’s hands.
I want to be brave but the hard truth is that I get a bit wonky with my courage and doubt finds its way into my thinking. Which is a dangerous place to be.
I’m trying hard not to dwell in all the spots that promise to set me back. I am a creature of comfort. I love the comfy spots of life. My love language is comfort and I have lived my whole life trying to make others and myself as at home and comfortable as I possibly could.
I don’t belong there.
I’ll never heal there.
Comfort zones are beautiful but nothing grows there.
I have no knowledge of the why’s in my situation. Why my husband lost his job? Why it took 2 years to find another? Why my body had to betray me with the most aggressive rheumatoid arthritis in the middle of it all? Why my little dog had to get so sick after all we’ve been through? Why we had to move so far away from everyone we love? Why to a town where a junky fixer-upper costs over $500,000 dollars? Why?
I could ponder the why’s all day. It won’t change any of what’s happened or what will be in the future. So, why bother?
What I have learned is that God is NOT leaving me to fend for myself. Oh it has felt that way many times during this struggle. I have begged for mercy and I have submitted fully to whatever, over and over and over.
And, here I am.
I don’t have to hang around in the comfort zone to be safe. I can step out and trust God with what’s ahead. I’ll admit, it is h a r d! I need safety. It’s part of my DNA and maybe it is for you too. In Psalm 9:16, David declares that The Lord is known by his acts of justice; the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands. In my flesh, I fall weak to the choices of others and what they may or may not have done to me in selfishness. I don’t have to worry about what others are doing. I do, however…have to focus on my own holiness and my own actions towards others.
You cannot treat people cruelly and get away with it.
So, my life and my circumstances right now are completely in God’s hands. I can trust him and I can rest knowing that he will see it all to completion. My job is to be brave and step out of all that feels comfy and live it up to the very fullest!