Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Comfort Zone Challenge

Wednesday, August 15th, 2018

I’m short compared to normal people. At times, I convince myself that I’m just as tall as everybody else around me and then I can’t reach something….and the reality of my squirt size sets in. I’m just a 5’3″ lady with a giant size attitude and mindset. So, this new start of my life should only be a blip of a challenge to my determination.

I can do hard things.

I’ve had some time to think about my circumstance the last 3 weeks and I’ve decided that I don’t have to have all the answers or a million dollars to bounce back. Although, the million would surely help. My life is not over and my future is completely in God’s hands.

I want to be brave but the hard truth is that I get a bit wonky with my courage and doubt finds its way into my thinking. Which is a dangerous place to be.

I’m trying hard not to dwell in all the spots that promise to set me back. I am a creature of comfort. I love the comfy spots of life. My love language is comfort and I have lived my whole life trying to make others and myself as at home and comfortable as I possibly could.

I don’t belong there.

I’ll never heal there.

Comfort zones are beautiful but nothing grows there.

I have no knowledge of the why’s in my situation. Why my husband lost his job? Why it took 2 years to find another? Why my body had to betray me with the most aggressive rheumatoid arthritis in the middle of it all? Why my little dog had to get so sick after all we’ve been through? Why we had to move so far away from everyone we love? Why to a town where a junky fixer-upper costs over $500,000 dollars? Why?

I could ponder the why’s all day. It won’t change any of what’s happened or what will be in the future. So, why bother?

What I have learned is that God is NOT leaving me to fend for myself. Oh it has felt that way many times during this struggle. I have begged for mercy and I have submitted fully to whatever, over and over and over.

And, here I am.

I don’t have to hang around in the comfort zone to be safe. I can step out and trust God with what’s ahead. I’ll admit, it is h a r d! I need safety. It’s part of my DNA and maybe it is for you too. In Psalm 9:16, David declares that The Lord is known by his acts of justice; the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands. In my flesh, I fall weak to the choices of others and what they may or may not have done to me in selfishness. I don’t have to worry about what others are doing. I do, however…have to focus on my own holiness and my own actions towards others.

You cannot treat people cruelly and get away with it.

So, my life and my circumstances right now are completely in God’s hands. I can trust him and I can rest knowing that he will see it all to completion. My job is to be brave and step out of all that feels comfy and live it up to the very fullest!

Noisy Days

Tuesday, February 6th, 2018

I can only describe what I know about my own experience with God and how He works in my life, I could never say what He will do in yours or anyone else’s. What I’ve noticed lately is that there are quiet days and noisy ones.

Truthfully, the quiet days seem to far outweigh all the noisy ones.

Quiet days are the ones where I feel not much is happening. I sit, I listen and I wait.

Noisy days are the ones that God bangs the gong of my life loudly, not just for me to hear…but anyone whose within a world of me can probably hear as well.

Yesterday, was so noisy!

I had a big medical situation to take care of and BOOOOOOM!!! God opened the door (a big squeaky noisy door) and I walked right through as he held it open.

I checked the mail and in it were 2 (NOT 1 but 2!!!) envelopes from 2 very godly praying women that love my family so much that they allowed God to work through them with a BANGING LOUD financial gift.

What? I hear you, Jesus!

A potential issue with negotiations in our house sell tormented us yesterday. Even with all my assurance that it was not a big deal, my hubby stressed. This morning I opened the door and a lady said, “I want your house!”. “If your sale doesn’t go through, my husband and I want to buy it!”

Lord,
Your noise is like a choir of angels to my tiny crumbly heart! Thank you for the quiet simple days that you just love on me and let me be. But, also thank you for the loud noisy days where I know there is no other reason for something to go right – except that it is YOU!
Amen

PS – Just to be clear. My house has sold. No one is backing out of the deal. If you’ve ever sold a home then you know…..it is hard work and lots of back & forth. We’re just back & forth’n right now and all of our raw 18 month nerves tend to be uber sensitive to any questioning or whathaveyou.

Thank you reader friends! For loving, praying and encouraging! Over & over!

Mountain Mover or Not

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017

mountain

When it all falls apart…will you still trust Jesus? I only ask because the reality is that it will fall apart, sometime someday someway. No one, not a single person gets to walk through life without experiencing something that hurts or breaks them down.

Will you still believe that God loves you & trust Him with whatever the outcome?

This morning I woke up to a plea for prayer from one of my girls. Somehow she had made a tiny error at work that could equate into a big snafu for her boss. I felt her concern (that’s what mama’s do) through her request for HOLY POWER intervention and I immediately went to God in prayer. After praying, I sat listening and God in His infinite wisdom reminded me that I can still trust Him even when He doesn’t move the mountain in my way.

I knew He had a lesson for me in trusting Him to the fullest.

For the last year (over 10 months now) I’ve rally cried daily for God to help us and protect us from the job loss in September. Every single day, we’ve eaten….slept in a beautiful home….felt loved & cared for….watched bills get paid miraculously….found joy in the mundane….walked a daughter down the aisle to be married….celebrated a son graduate from the US ARMY….jumped up & down for a daughter’s college graduation and first big girl job….traveled to see parents across country….found sustaining temporary jobs to pay da billz and more! Why? Because, God is faithful.

Now faithful doesn’t always look like we ask it to look. If it did, for me…faithful might be in the form of another full-time normal job that offers all the insurance and vacation time regular working folks have. However, God is a lot more creative than we even imagine. He makes a way (if that’s what He wants to do) for us to go on whether it’s a 9-5 job or a contract job that allows whatever strange hours and days you need to work it.

But, what if nothing happens?

What if there’s never another real job? Will I trust Him?

What if there’s a loss of something more? What will I do? Will I still believe Him and trust Him?

What if He doesn’t answer my prayers for my children? Does He still care? Is He still working on their behalf?

The answer is YES! Yes, I will trust Him. Yes, I will believe Him. Yes, He is still working, loving, providing, helping, caring.

I WILL TRUST HIM.

These words from Lauren Daigle in her song Trust in You remind me that I can believe that God is everlasting and trustworthy with every little detail of my life.

So can you.

Trust in You

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

Time in a Bottle

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

I feel like I need to put all my happy moments in a bottle.

grate

In spite of all the desperation going on in my life right now…..I do have a lot of happy to be thankful for as well.

Dinesh movie

My oldest is home (temporarily, because…..he’s unemployed too) and that gives me time with him that I’d normally not have now that he lives in Texas.

He’s diligently searching and working hard at a friend’s landscaping business (it is record hot here right now!) while he’s in town. But, having him here is a huge blessing to my heart. I love spending time with my kids! I’ll need a huge bottle to hold all these memories!

sunroof

They never think it’s weird to do crazy things with their old parents. Or when I hang out of my sunroof in the mexican restaurant drive-thru….they aren’t even embarrassed. This deserves to go in all our bottles!

Right kids?

dogs

Having Gracie home is special too. The girl is a lover! She’s so sweet and she isn’t afraid to let you know how she feels. Bottling it, every moment with her.

boarding

She likes to do fun stuff too. She kayaks, skateboards…jeeps it up and loves a good couch snuggle. Yesterday, I went by their room to let her out and couldn’t find her. I called her name then noticed the covers wrestling around and she popped out like a jack-in-the-box. She is a fun dog! Sticking that memory in my bottle!

blue

Here in Indy, another policeman was shot. It’s getting to the point that every time I see a newsflash I think it can’t be happening AGAIN. But, it is. Our world has gone crazy. God bless our brave police! My family’s house shines up with support for those who live and die protecting us. Into the bottle this goes!

lizzy ghost

I was vainly trying to take a bathroom mirror selfie recently when I realized I had company. Miss Lizzy is a loyal gal. She sticks with me like a true best friend. I love seeing her sweet little face in the middle of my picture. That belongs in my bottle, for certain.

Troubled times are inevitable because life is full of ups & downs. I want to hang on to all of it. The hard moments fill my tank just like the easy ones. Both work in my spirit. I’m strong, I’m healthy and I’m going to survive the stress of the unknown.

In the meantime, I’m going to pour all my happy moments in a bottle to hold onto for the times when I feel too overwhelmed to see the good.

God has this

Caught Off Guard

Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

grace will

I’m on day 7 of my new life. On Thursday my hubby came home to give me the news that he’d lost his job. I’d be lying if I told you I handled it with joy and grace. My high strung personality just doesn’t respond like that. I cried. Lost my cool. Wished I knew karate.

Life is like a roller-coaster. One minute you’re up and soaring like an eagle and the next you’re plummeting to the ground at speeds that feel like they’re going to kill you dead. Up down Up down. Twist turn. Slam on the brakes.

Losing a job is painful.

While he explained the details of the event, my mind raced around (surely it’s a wife thing) imagining all the stuff I needed to get rid of in my house…so it could sell before the bank foreclosed on it. Then I moved on to our daughter who is “so close” to graduation and all the hard work she’s put in to getting to this precious destination. Next, our youngest who is dreaming of a wedding in the coming year….how would we ever pay for it without a job? And our son, who’s a thousand miles away reeling in his own job loss.

What are we going to do?

I want you to know that GRACE doesn’t come easy in moments like this. Matter of fact, here on day 7 I’m still searching out my feelings and praying for how to move on minus a rotten attitude.

The flesh is weak and the mind is a battlefield.

I’ve felt pretty much every emotion — I’ve gotten angry, imagined being mocked or ridiculed, wished I could wake up from this bad dream and also felt hopeful. I know God doesn’t miss a thing….and this job loss situation matters to Him just as much as it does to me.

He is in control.

future

I have to trust Him and believe He has a plan. Even as I wrestle with medical issues that are still a mystery and the guilt of buying a “new to me” car.

He isn’t caught off guard. He is God, Jehovah-Jireh!

wonders

Lord,
Forgive me for my tiny faith. Show me how to lean on you when I am afraid. Open the door to the place we belong.
Amen

Ode to a BMW

Friday, September 28th, 2012

 

This car nightmare has gone on for over a month now.  After breaking down on the side of the road, far far from home….hauling it home with a trailer….calling all over Indiana and begging mechanic friends alike….then hauling it again to a shop in another town to a guy who said he could fix it–we're back at square one.

He can't do whatever it takes to repair the blown gasket (or whatever the horrible never to be repaired problem is).  His advice (along with many others) is to just replace the whole engine!  Which is all cool except that it's another couple thousand dollars to do that.

The repair job was quoted over $2000, so add on some more thousands!

I've stressed about it.  I've fretted about it.  I've caught rides after rides because of it.  I'm over my head with worry about it.  I seriously can't stand anymore conversations about this dang car.  It is causing me mental and physical pain!

Do chronic problems bother you like this?  Tell me, I'm not crazy!?

After hubby picked me up from school yesterday and told me the latest bad news about the car (he'd met with the mechanic and hashed over the latest issues).  I went outside and walked around with my dogs for a mental break.  Then out of nowhere….I felt the Holy Spirit telling me not to worry.  This would work out.

How?  I still don't know.  All I can say is that I'm trusting GOD to handle it.  

Lord Jesus,

I'm so good at wringing my hands with worry.  Thank you for that brush of reassurance to remind me…I don't have to!  Having reliable cars is important to you (like it is to me) and I know ONLY YOU CAN WORK THIS PROBLEM OUT!  Please work in a mighty way and bless this situation.  I'm handing it over to you.

Amen