I went to bed last night thinking of how loved I felt. Within a 24 hour window, I had face-to-face conversations with all 3 of my grown kids! That doesn’t happen much, everyone is busy and living their lives. I realized just how incredible that gift of their time was to my soul. No one needed a reason, they just video phoned to chat.
What a blessing. {Thanks, sweet punks of mine!}
Somewhere right now there’s a frazzled out mom who thinks she’s screwing up all the good things in her kids. She has no idea if they’ll ever call her again once they move out. She’s tired, she’s fed up and she’s convinced she sucks as a mom! I know this because I felt it all too.
No one can prepare you for the empty nest days and I think I know why…
All the days before it are full of lessons, for them and for you. Some of the lessons are so painful and others are tiny and forgettable. Someday while on the phone or sitting at lunch with your grown kid, they’ll bring up something you totally forgot all about and it will hit you right between your eyes that they held onto that memory. If you had the mental capacity to dwell on everything, you’d probably just explode!
You’re never going to get everything right, not as a person or a parent. It would be mean to tell you to parent as if they are leaving you forever. They do eventually leave and the whole relationship changes. You either have great new young adult friends or jerks who avoid you – it’s all up for grabs. All families have junk, so, if yours is all a mess…don’t beat yourself up.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is this…you are not alone. Whether your kids are living closeby and completely immersed in your everyday life or whether they live on the other side of the world from you and can only talk once in a great while. Every one of us has a system that is customized to our own needs in life. If your kids hate you, trust me…someone else’s kids hate them too. All you can do is try your best to heal whatever is broken. If you can’t fix it, love from where you are right now.
I pray you feel less alone.
It is hurtful to think you have the lone club membership to troubles. God is always working in our lives. He can heal broken hearts and jumbled up relationships. If we trust Him, He can make beauty from ashes. I know this because of my own relationship with my mom. It was so ugly and toxic for most of my life. I thank God for closing our chapter together with true forgiveness, love & respect. Something I never thought could happen.
I’ve learned in my 51 years that we are all capable of being horrible. We’re human and frail. We treat people we love like we don’t and we fall short of admitting wrong in the most vulnerable instances. I know that my own kids carry scars from my crappy mom moments, I also know that they are wise & understanding people who offer forgiveness.
No one gets it all right.
Remember, when you’re rolling around in the dirt of all aloneness — the truth is, you’re really not alone.
Lord,
Help me love the person who feels alone in their troubles. Thank you for always making beauty from the ashes of my own life too.
Amen
