Posts Tagged ‘don’t give up’

Brand New Count

Monday, July 30th, 2018

Today is the end of the worst drought of our lives. Unemployment drought, that is. 689 days. Count em! Mull over them! Just imagine, you’re next. I don’t really want you to face that but after what has happened to us, my husband….I will never be so naive again! It literally could happen to anyone!

The day he came home in the middle of the work day and told me that his company was outsourcing him for a month-to-month IT company, I had NO IDEA what hell lay ahead. July 7th 2016 was and still is one of the hardest days of my life.

Dreams burned to the ground, security out the window and self-confidence smashed like a head-on collision with a train. I cannot lie, we are not the same people. So much has happened. So much hardness, so much sad stuff.

All of it ordained by God.

I feel like I’m in a sort of recovery mode now. Bouncing back is going to take time. We visited a great new church yesterday in Bozeman and the pastor just happened to be preaching on patience. His sermon was laced with advice that specifically addressed where I am this very moment in life.

Anxious to move forward.

One of his points spoke of how jealousy can make us hate. I admit, I have felt heaps and buckets of jealousy over the last 2 years. It’s so shameful to be transparent but I hated seeing the world pass me by. I felt angry that others were living blessed lives while mine was falling into a pit of hell.

Hating the goodness in others lives just reflects on how much fine-tuning God needed to do in my own heart. Ouch.

I’m trying NOT to live screaming through yellow lights right now. My flesh wants to run as fast as it can to escape all the yuck parts of my life. I want everything back. All of it. Now. I know that’s not what I really need.

I need patience.

1. Everything, takes time.

– I will have a house again.
– I will do the things I think are important to me again.
– I will recoup what I have lost.

….in time.

2. Resentment will only ruin what I’m waiting for (in faith) from God.

– While I’m impatient, God is always patient with me.
– I am hard to handle.
– God is going to use everything, all the hurt…to make me more like Him.

3. I can camp at my broken places.

– If I only knew how incredibly God was going to arrange our lives, I would’ve shut up!
– I’m packing up my resentment & anger. If Joseph can do it, so can I.
– I don’t belong in a state of brokeness.

Listen, life is full of IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING struggles. Losing and winning is all part of the game. Somehow, as children of God you and I have to surrender what we cannot control. I could not do a single thing about my husband’s job loss. Nothing. It put me in such a powerless state and for that I almost lost my dang mind.

What I’ve learned since is that the road may be long and the pain so intense that it feels unbearable…but God is doing something.

He will make a way where there seems none at all. Every time.

Today, I’m starting a brand new count. No more days of unemployment to stack up against us. We are walking in a newness that fills us up and blows our minds everytime we think about it. What we thought we needed…. oh, haha haha! Nope, not at all.

God had a better plan.

Your ways are beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you. You know what I need and you love me more than I could ever deserve.

Mountain Mover or Not

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017


When it all falls apart…will you still trust Jesus? I only ask because the reality is that it will fall apart, sometime someday someway. No one, not a single person gets to walk through life without experiencing something that hurts or breaks them down.

Will you still believe that God loves you & trust Him with whatever the outcome?

This morning I woke up to a plea for prayer from one of my girls. Somehow she had made a tiny error at work that could equate into a big snafu for her boss. I felt her concern (that’s what mama’s do) through her request for HOLY POWER intervention and I immediately went to God in prayer. After praying, I sat listening and God in His infinite wisdom reminded me that I can still trust Him even when He doesn’t move the mountain in my way.

I knew He had a lesson for me in trusting Him to the fullest.

For the last year (over 10 months now) I’ve rally cried daily for God to help us and protect us from the job loss in September. Every single day, we’ve eaten….slept in a beautiful home….felt loved & cared for….watched bills get paid miraculously….found joy in the mundane….walked a daughter down the aisle to be married….celebrated a son graduate from the US ARMY….jumped up & down for a daughter’s college graduation and first big girl job….traveled to see parents across country….found sustaining temporary jobs to pay da billz and more! Why? Because, God is faithful.

Now faithful doesn’t always look like we ask it to look. If it did, for me…faithful might be in the form of another full-time normal job that offers all the insurance and vacation time regular working folks have. However, God is a lot more creative than we even imagine. He makes a way (if that’s what He wants to do) for us to go on whether it’s a 9-5 job or a contract job that allows whatever strange hours and days you need to work it.

But, what if nothing happens?

What if there’s never another real job? Will I trust Him?

What if there’s a loss of something more? What will I do? Will I still believe Him and trust Him?

What if He doesn’t answer my prayers for my children? Does He still care? Is He still working on their behalf?

The answer is YES! Yes, I will trust Him. Yes, I will believe Him. Yes, He is still working, loving, providing, helping, caring.


These words from Lauren Daigle in her song Trust in You remind me that I can believe that God is everlasting and trustworthy with every little detail of my life.

So can you.

Trust in You

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less