Posts Tagged ‘job loss’

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Brand New Count

Monday, July 30th, 2018

Today is the end of the worst drought of our lives. Unemployment drought, that is. 689 days. Count em! Mull over them! Just imagine, you’re next. I don’t really want you to face that but after what has happened to us, my husband….I will never be so naive again! It literally could happen to anyone!

The day he came home in the middle of the work day and told me that his company was outsourcing him for a month-to-month IT company, I had NO IDEA what hell lay ahead. July 7th 2016 was and still is one of the hardest days of my life.

Dreams burned to the ground, security out the window and self-confidence smashed like a head-on collision with a train. I cannot lie, we are not the same people. So much has happened. So much hardness, so much sad stuff.

All of it ordained by God.

I feel like I’m in a sort of recovery mode now. Bouncing back is going to take time. We visited a great new church yesterday in Bozeman and the pastor just happened to be preaching on patience. His sermon was laced with advice that specifically addressed where I am this very moment in life.

Anxious to move forward.

One of his points spoke of how jealousy can make us hate. I admit, I have felt heaps and buckets of jealousy over the last 2 years. It’s so shameful to be transparent but I hated seeing the world pass me by. I felt angry that others were living blessed lives while mine was falling into a pit of hell.

Hating the goodness in others lives just reflects on how much fine-tuning God needed to do in my own heart. Ouch.

I’m trying NOT to live screaming through yellow lights right now. My flesh wants to run as fast as it can to escape all the yuck parts of my life. I want everything back. All of it. Now. I know that’s not what I really need.

I need patience.

1. Everything, ev.er.y.thing. takes time.

– I will have a house again.
– I will do the things I think are important to me again.
– I will recoup what I have lost.

….in time.

2. Resentment will only ruin what I’m waiting for (in faith) from God.

– While I’m impatient, God is always patient with me.
– I am hard to handle.
– God is going to use everything, all the hurt…to make me more like Him.

3. I can camp at my broken places.

– If I only knew how incredibly God was going to arrange our lives, I would’ve shut up!
– I’m packing up my resentment & anger. If Joseph can do it, so can I.
– I don’t belong in a state of brokeness.

Listen, life is full of IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING struggles. Losing and winning is all part of the game. Somehow, as children of God you and I have to surrender what we cannot control. I could not do a single thing about my husband’s job loss. Nothing. It put me in such a powerless state and for that I almost lost my dang mind.

What I’ve learned since is that the road may be long and the pain so intense that it feels unbearable…but God is doing something.

He will make a way where there seems none at all. Every time.

Today, I’m starting a brand new count. No more days of unemployment to stack up against us. We are walking in a newness that fills us up and blows our minds everytime we think about it. What we thought we needed…. oh, haha haha! Nope, not at all.

God had a better plan.

Lord,
Your ways are beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you. You know what I need and you love me more than I could ever deserve.
Amen

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Posted in Royal Proclaimations | 40 Comments »

My Holy Indifference

Wednesday, November 29th, 2017

I love the story in Mark of the 4 friends who take their paralyzed friend to see Jesus. These guys are the kind of friends we all need, determined and loyal to the end. Scripture tells us the crowd was bonkers (my interpretation) no one could get near Jesus (I imagine Black Friday shoppers all racing for a great steal). Still, these guys wanted to see their friend healed by Christ. They knew if they could just get him close to Jesus….He would take it from there.

I want friends like that.

Better than that, I want to be a friend like that.

If you know the story, you know these friends hoist their buddy up on top of the roof of the house where Jesus is teaching. Have you ever helped someone move? Good friends carry one another’s sofa and grandma’s heavy antique china cabinet — real friends find a way to get you to Jesus!

They tear through the roof and lower their beloved friend down to the Lord. Mark 2:5 says, “Jesus saw THEIR faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.'” The man gets up and walks out proving that Jesus has the power to heal & forgive. Meanwhile, the scribes and Pharisees are watching the whole thing and inside their heads are thinking, “Who does he think he is?”. Because Jesus is Jesus, he knows their thoughts and calls them out on it.

This story gets me in a few different ways. One, these friends. Wow. Who doesn’t want friends like that? Can you imagine having someone love you so much that they climb up on top of a roof and rip a hole to let you down to see God? Two, the indifference of the scribes and Pharisees. They were all about finding fault (how often do I do that?), they were looking to point a finger. Instead of being pro-active like the 4 friends, they sat there doing nothing for anyone else.

I’ve been guilty of wrapping up ME in my own little protective cocoon and focusing on all my needs for most of my life. I haven’t climbed any rooftops for any person lost from the love of God. I’ve felt sad for them. I’ve even prayed for them. But, I’ve mostly been indifferent.

Who wants to embarrass someone and talk about Jesus? Not me.

Who wants to seem weird? Not me.

Who wants to point out sin in someone’s life? Not me.

Who wants to seem holier than thou? Not me.

In the meantime, people are hurting, lost and in need of Christ. I don’t want to talk about all the feelings I’ve experienced during this 446 days of unemployment. They’ve been rough. Ugly. More than words can even describe. Still, I’ve felt loved by friends who’ve carried us on our mats to the roof of encouragement. But, I’ve also felt the indifference of those who don’t really care whether or not 446 days without a job go by. It’s life. Not my problem.

Yesterday was a terribly discouraging day. The lowest of lows plagued both hubby and me. Something silly like not being able to find our outdoor Christmas lights pushed us both over the hold-it-together edge. He gritted his teeth and I snapped back to JUST GET ALL THE CHRISTMAS BOXES OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM!!!

We are unraveling at the seams.

Today, I feel better. The process of waiting is a lesson in holy humility. I give it to God. Like the paralyzed man, He cares about my situation.

Lord,
I don’t want to be indifferent when it comes to you or loving others enough to bring them to you. Help me focus on those outside of myself. Knowing you, trusting you and obeying you deserves all my attention and care.
Amen.

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Posted in Royal Proclaimations | 28 Comments »

Call Me Back

Friday, October 20th, 2017

For over a year, I’ve wandered around trying to figure out what God was doing in my life. Why was this very terrible thing happening to me and my family? If you’ve read any of my posts in the last 14 months then you’ve picked up on my desperation and fear of all the damage losing a job can cause.

I’ve been a mess.

Losing a job is NO JOKE! Sometimes I feel like no one understands just how horrible being in this position feels. I appreciate every single person who’s encouraged us, prayed for us and hoped alongside us for a job offer. Wow, what a blessing it has been to see friends and family rally for us. Thank you!

Still, here we are wondering what in the heck is going to happen to us.

Can you imagine applying for countless jobs (which is like a full-time job in itself!) and never ever ever hearing back from the companies? Throughout this whole long year, we’ve sat waiting while employers give a time frame for “getting back to you” AND THEY NEVER EVEN EMAIL BACK! Who does that? What’s so very difficult about sending a NO THANK YOU message? Who are these people? And why in the world do they even have jobs? Clearly, they don’t know what they are doing!

Several weeks ago, my hubby interviewed for a job that took over 4 long hours and by the time he arrived back home, he felt it went very well. The company told him they expected to offer “someone” the job by the next week.

Crickets.

He’s never heard diddly from these jokers. What? Unbelievable! Why not shoot out an email that ends the relationship? As in, “Hey…So & So, thanks for taking time to meet with us. We appreciate your interest in our company. At this time, we’ve decided to go a different route. We have found our candidate and we wish you luck in your search for employment.

How hard is that? What in the world does it cost someone to offer such a simple courtesy?

I’m baffled. I’m frustrated. I’m shocked.

This world is not my home. But, I’ll tell you…the longer I’m stuck here the greater my dislike for pathetic behavior grows.

I don’t know what your life looks like right now. Hopefully, it’s on the right track and loaded down with blessings. Here’s what I’m learning about my own situation — Be good to others. Help them when you can. Encourage those who are struggling or hurting. Ask God how He wants to use you (right where you are). Be ready to stretch your own faith. Look for opportunities to share God’s love.

I believe for certain that my struggle has not been in vain. I’m not the same person I was over a year ago and that’s a good thing.

Thank you, Lord that I never have to wonder if you’re going to get back with me. You are always willing and ready to meet me, if I will just call on you!
Amen.

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Change Can Feel Cruel

Tuesday, December 20th, 2016

depress

I’m changing.

It feels like a slow erosion of who I once was is turning into a dark broken version of someone else.

I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to feel okay.

I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse.

Today is day #102 that my husband hasn’t had a job. I cannot believe it. One minute I think I’m okay, that WE’RE okay and the next I realize time is running out and money has dwindled….and doom is literally right around the corner.

It is destroying me. I can only imagine what it’s doing to him.

I can’t help but describe the pain as similar to a death. Something very important has died and it isn’t coming back. Maybe it would feel different if suddenly a job opened up and we could recover some of what we’re about to lose.

In my head, I can’t help but think of the people who caused this pain for me & my family. My whole family is affected by this situation, in case you didn’t know.

I know, for them….they’ve never once thought of what their decision has cost us. They’re still living their lives. They’re still going out for nice meals, spending money on special gifts for people they love and they are smiling, enjoying their days and nights.

That’s not how it is for us.

We are hanging by a thread. Me, especially.

I cannot get over how easy it is to ruin someone’s life and continue on with your own as if nothing ever happened.

walkin

I’m starting to question where God is through this journey. { That’s not good }

life me

God,
I’ve fallen so far into a hole of hopelessness. Help me get out before it’s too late. My world is crumbling and I need your mercy.
Amen

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Posted in Royal Proclaimations | 4 Comments »

Life Does Go On

Thursday, September 8th, 2016

good inten

Tomorrow is the day we close the book on our old life and open up a shiny new page with fresh hopes and dreams. It’s sad and exciting all at the same time. Change is scary. Especially, when you’re one month away from turning 50 years old.

I wish I could say that this hasn’t rocked my world in a bad way. It hit me like a concrete truck and threatened to back over me everyday since I heard the news.

Do you know how hard it is to wrangle in your emotions and feelings when someone knocks you down for no good reason?

I’ve wanted to lash out. That only hurts me, not them.
I’ve wanted to hate the people responsible. God reminds me to love, especially those who don’t deserve it.
I’ve wanted to cry. I have and I probably will a few more times.
I’ve wanted to forget the whole last 3 years + 1 month. God blessed us during that time too.
I’ve wanted to sell my house and move far far away. That still might happen.
I’ve wanted to give up. Why? The ones responsible for my stress haven’t thought about me or my family once since July 7th. I have to keep going.
I’ve wanted to wish calamity to my enemies. I don’t have to waste my time with that, God sees everything and He really does handle sin. His wrath and mine do not compare.
I’ve wanted to hide out and wallow in my pity. God didn’t send Jesus for me to be a big crybaby. Jesus came so that I would live life with abundance! I have so much to be happy about.
I’ve wanted to lose my cool. I don’t need to go to jail.
I’ve wanted to do a lot of things that just don’t match up with my Christian faith. God has a plan. He doesn’t need me to act or think outside of HIM in order to move forward.

I suppose that’s all normal when you feel like your life is falling to pieces. It doesn’t help that sticking around another 6 weeks at a job that has no future can feel like a constant twist of the knife in your back. Every little thing feels like a snub or that people are laughing behind your back. Especially, when other employees are rewarded for all their hard work (and you are not even thanked for all you did to move 2 different offices to new locations). Ouch! That hurt!

But, that brings me to a new understanding about people and how I can navigate my own feelings when the crap hits the fan.

1. Develop an understanding heart.
People are just human. Some are kinder than others and some are just thoughtless. Forgive them when they hurt you and just let it go. God really does handle every little thing.

2. Separate the things you can control from the things you can’t.
Keep moving forward even when tempted to give up.

3. Give 100% to the things that matter most.
Don’t waste time trying to make a fruitless effort on all the stupid little things that really don’t matter. Focus on the big thing that does.

4. Embrace tough times.
This is hard, but…scripture points out that when you’re walking through fire, God is refining you (and me) to be something useful to Him and His Kingdom. Tough times mold us, change us and make us better. We are going to be incredible!!

5. Refill your pitcher.
Just like an engine that needs new oil, our heart and mind need topped off too. We must do the things that fuel us and rejuvenate our souls. Have fun, smile and enjoy the goodness of life. It doesn’t negate the circumstance but it does give us a better perspective.

stop letting

I can’t look back with regret. Life does go on…

Lord,
When I am tempted to live like the world, bring me a fresh perspective as to WHO I AM in CHRIST! I’m bigger than what happens to me or my family and I can live through adversity.
Amen

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Posted in Royal Proclaimations | 9 Comments »

Caught Off Guard

Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

grace will

I’m on day 7 of my new life. On Thursday my hubby came home to give me the news that he’d lost his job. I’d be lying if I told you I handled it with joy and grace. My high strung personality just doesn’t respond like that. I cried. Lost my cool. Wished I knew karate.

Life is like a roller-coaster. One minute you’re up and soaring like an eagle and the next you’re plummeting to the ground at speeds that feel like they’re going to kill you dead. Up down Up down. Twist turn. Slam on the brakes.

Losing a job is painful.

While he explained the details of the event, my mind raced around (surely it’s a wife thing) imagining all the stuff I needed to get rid of in my house…so it could sell before the bank foreclosed on it. Then I moved on to our daughter who is “so close” to graduation and all the hard work she’s put in to getting to this precious destination. Next, our youngest who is dreaming of a wedding in the coming year….how would we ever pay for it without a job? And our son, who’s a thousand miles away reeling in his own job loss.

What are we going to do?

I want you to know that GRACE doesn’t come easy in moments like this. Matter of fact, here on day 7 I’m still searching out my feelings and praying for how to move on minus a rotten attitude.

The flesh is weak and the mind is a battlefield.

I’ve felt pretty much every emotion — I’ve gotten angry, imagined being mocked or ridiculed, wished I could wake up from this bad dream and also felt hopeful. I know God doesn’t miss a thing….and this job loss situation matters to Him just as much as it does to me.

He is in control.

future

I have to trust Him and believe He has a plan. Even as I wrestle with medical issues that are still a mystery and the guilt of buying a “new to me” car.

He isn’t caught off guard. He is God, Jehovah-Jireh!

wonders

Lord,
Forgive me for my tiny faith. Show me how to lean on you when I am afraid. Open the door to the place we belong.
Amen

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Posted in Royal Proclaimations | 6 Comments »

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