Queenies Little Kingdom

There are prayers for help and then there are beat down heaven’s doors begging for mercy kind of help prayers. I’ve done both. Over the last season of my life, I’ve mulled over my circumstance (much like anyone would do in my position) and I’ve sought God’s direction for what’s felt like impending doom once another month comes and goes…..and my husband is still unemployed.

How long, Lord? How long can this go on?

It’s only human to ask and I know God isn’t the least bit surprised at my human nature pondering. I’m terribly adept at questioning every little thing, just ask my family. I’m a questioner. I question. I analyze and roll every detail of the answer around just in case there’s a scenario that could switch things up to equal something else. I cover every base.

You’re welcome, world.

Still, here I sit in pretty much the same boat I was in back in September. Only this time I’m closer to a wedding of one of my daughters’, at the end of my school year and any subbing days I might get and filled with a whole lot more cynicism than a person should possess. What next?

Bad bad bad. Never ask that. More trouble coming your way, fool.

This Sunday is Easter and the sermon last week was so good that I left church with a brand new perspective on the damage done to my heart over the course of this last year. Betrayal. No one knew betrayal the way Jesus did. His experience with it opened my whiny complaining heart to understanding that I CAN GET OVER what’s been done to me. I can forgive and I can move on. I can trust that it’s all part of the journey to where God wants me to be eventually.

God never leaves us where we are, He’s always pushing us forward.

So, back to all the praying and begging God to work a miracle in my life. All these months, He’s listened to me. I’ve blown my horn loud and obnoxiously for Him to hear every little detail of what I need and when I need it by. He is so gracious.

I’ve not gone hungry…but, I’ve worried about how to pay for groceries.
I’ve not gone without a home or electricity…but, I’ve played magic tricks with my funds to pay both.
I’ve not had to sell my belongings…but, I’ve learned to be content with everything I own when I’d really like to purchase something special.
I’ve kept my dignity…but, the devil has shown up almost daily to remind me just how pathetic it is to be jobless and living with the fear of it never ending.

Oh, how gracious my God still is.

In all that, He still listens to me. He above all knows my every need and He is at work. My weak faith or belief that He’s going to do something bigger and better is tainted by my lack of understanding just how big God really is in the great scheme of things.

HE IS SO BIG, Y’ALL!

I do not have the mental capacity to understand all that God is and will be…but I know that all I have to do is ask and He will go exceedingly above and beyond whatever it is to answer me.

My new prayer?

Lord,

Do this…..or something better.

Amen