Posts Tagged ‘forgive’

Less Alone

Thursday, September 20th, 2018

I went to bed last night thinking of how loved I felt. Within a 24 hour window, I had face-to-face conversations with all 3 of my grown kids! That doesn’t happen much, everyone is busy and living their lives. I realized just how incredible that gift of their time was to my soul. No one needed a reason, they just video phoned to chat.

What a blessing. {Thanks, sweet punks of mine!}

Somewhere right now there’s a frazzled out mom who thinks she’s screwing up all the good things in her kids. She has no idea if they’ll ever call her again once they move out. She’s tired, she’s fed up and she’s convinced she sucks as a mom! I know this because I felt it all too.

No one can prepare you for the empty nest days and I think I know why…

All the days before it are full of lessons, for them and for you. Some of the lessons are so painful and others are tiny and forgettable. Someday while on the phone or sitting at lunch with your grown kid, they’ll bring up something you totally forgot all about and it will hit you right between your eyes that they held onto that memory. If you had the mental capacity to dwell on everything, you’d probably just explode!

You’re never going to get everything right, not as a person or a parent. It would be mean to tell you to parent as if they are leaving you forever. They do eventually leave and the whole relationship changes. You either have great new young adult friends or jerks who avoid you – it’s all up for grabs. All families have junk, so, if yours is all a mess…don’t beat yourself up.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is this…you are not alone. Whether your kids are living closeby and completely immersed in your everyday life or whether they live on the other side of the world from you and can only talk once in a great while. Every one of us has a system that is customized to our own needs in life. If your kids hate you, trust me…someone else’s kids hate them too. All you can do is try your best to heal whatever is broken. If you can’t fix it, love from where you are right now.

I pray you feel less alone.

It is hurtful to think you have the lone club membership to troubles. God is always working in our lives. He can heal broken hearts and jumbled up relationships. If we trust Him, He can make beauty from ashes. I know this because of my own relationship with my mom. It was so ugly and toxic for most of my life. I thank God for closing our chapter together with true forgiveness, love & respect. Something I never thought could happen.

I’ve learned in my 51 years that we are all capable of being horrible. We’re human and frail. We treat people we love like we don’t and we fall short of admitting wrong in the most vulnerable instances. I know that my own kids carry scars from my crappy mom moments, I also know that they are wise & understanding people who offer forgiveness.

No one gets it all right.

Remember, when you’re rolling around in the dirt of all aloneness — the truth is, you’re really not alone.

Lord,
Help me love the person who feels alone in their troubles. Thank you for always making beauty from the ashes of my own life too.
Amen

Grace Hoarder

Wednesday, April 4th, 2018

Confession: I withhold grace from people I love.

I’ve always known this about myself and I’ve worked on being better a million times but yesterday as I walking to the mailbox, I felt God whisper to me my inability to extend grace. At first, I wondered where that thought came from then….I realized God was nudging me, reminding me to snap out of it.

So much has happened this year. I’ve had time to reflect on my life and how I’ve lived it. Maybe more than I really needed. Nothing is wasted with God so, I’ll take all of the looking back as a lesson in becoming better.

My children experienced my graceless mothering over the years and I know they love me and even forgive me…but, I can see how that has crippled much of my relationship with them. They feel as if they can’t please me and I blame it on my wielding the sword of perfectionism over them. Each of them are beautiful, unique and wonderful people. I’ve always known it and I’ll always believe it. It’s me that pushed too hard, blazed over them when they made mistakes and left them hurting by my angry silence.

That grace, the holding it so tightly….hurts everyone.

My kids are all grown and gone but I can see the effects of my grace hoarding in their lives. I can tell that they handle me with caution. I don’t think they do it to hurt me but I know it is just a consequence of my own doing. I grew up with a mom who couldn’t give grace. There was no moment in my life where she said, “Hey, that’s okay!” “Don’t worry about it!”. She was the opposite. She lauded her fury over me, beat me down physically & spiritually. I never received the grace I needed from her.

No one has ever been given more grace (BY GOD) than me. He has gone over-board loving me fully and unconditionally. My life, many times has been like a trainwreck! Still, G R A C E was plentiful and even sweet over my foolishness.

Why? Why have I lived hoarding my own grace?

I can’t answer. I won’t blame. I’ll just make it my priority to offer it out every chance I get.

Grace for you.
Grace for me.
Grace for everyone.
Amen.

R E J E C T I O N

Friday, July 21st, 2017

I woke up this morning feeling like garbage! I felt grumpy, head-achey just all around miserable! I didn’t notice just how crummy I was feeling until I got ticked at my cup of coffee before I’d even had a sip. Don’t ask.

I’ve had an issue rolling around inside my head & heart for the last few days. Waking up this morning was like the eruption of all the feels! I’ve prayed over it. I’ve talked about it with my hubby. I’ve pondered it in my thoughts. I’ve laid it down and then picked it up again. This morning, God said, “Let’s get this done with!”.

So, here I am. Pouring out my thoughts on rejection. Don’t misunderstand, I’m no expert on Biblical understanding of how other people love or don’t love. All I can do is share what God has told me through scripture and prayer. I’m all wrecked and flawed like everyone else. I’m trying to live as a blank slate every single day! I get up & look for God to use me, fill me and make me more like Him because, friends, I ain’t no good as is!

I NEED JESUS!

God is a slick operator (I mean, hey…HE’S GOD!!! Duh), my morning devotion was on rejection straight up in my face! The writer told a story about a time a really close friend dissed her in a big way for what felt like no reason at all. She was so hurt that she acted out in her flesh and sought out some sort of retaliation against her “friend”. She felt all the hurt feelings and thought all the negative thoughts that most of us tend to feel when we’re in such a situation. Rejection hurts. It crushes us and wounds us and our natural reaction is to fire back. To make the offender feel like they’ve made us feel.

God goes about dealing with rejection in the absolute opposite way. (Of course HE does) He says, “Do not judge and you will not be judged!” Ouch! Also, “Do not condemn and you will not be condemned!” Oh Lord, come on! Here’s the big one, “Forgive and you will be forgiven!” Yikes! I’m being measured just like everyone else and I know better than to be vengeful or mean-spirited to others. God has a better way. He’s offering me the choice to love like HIM.

READ LUKE 6:37-42

Funny how far off the path we can get when we act out or feel life’s struggles in our own fleshly way. I do not have to worry about anyone who doesn’t want to be my friend or whether they like me, accept me or ever speak to me again. My role isn’t to chase people down and force them to care about me. My role is to be a loving person to them no matter how they treat me. If they insult me or ignore me, love them anyway. I’m no better than they are and God will bless me for my obedience to Him.

I answer to God, not others.

The greatest thing I can do for me and for them is to pray for them. Genuinely seek God in blessing their lives and for opportunities to be a Christ-like friend whenever I have the chance. Rejection isn’t fatal. Sometimes it’s a painful way of learning to look to Jesus for acceptance in a world heck bent on spitting in the face of God. My little hurt feelings are nothing compared with the rejection my Lord has suffered. Seriously, He never did anything rude or ugly to anyone (I can’t claim that) yet He suffered the worst kind of rejection.

I’ll end with this, remember how jealous and cruel Joseph’s brothers were to him? They really disliked their little brother, enough so that they threw him in a hole to get rid of him forever! Joseph didn’t die there but he struggled through some rough treatment before his most important role. When he finally came face-to-face with those same mean brothers they were shakin in their sandals for the way they treated him. Joseph had every right to lash out and to destroy them for their sin against him…but, he didn’t dare. He lovingly told them, it’s okay. What you meant as harm for me…GOD HAS USED IT FOR GOOD!

Whatever someone is doing to you or has done to you — don’t let it consume you or wreck your heart. Trust God that He is going to use it for good. Maybe not right now, could be for a far off time but trust Him that He will make it right. Love & be loved. Be a friend, turn the cheek and remember rejection isn’t about you it’s about them.