Posts Tagged ‘worry’

Sighing in the Darkness

Wednesday, July 27th, 2016

dark start

I’m not sleeping well. It seems as though Satan uses the darkness of night to really sneak up on me and remind me of all the trouble that can come from not having a full-time job offer in the works.

What a connection, huh? Darkness….Satan? It’s like they go together in every way.

I can’t answer as to why my mind gets so restless at night. Perhaps, it’s because when we finally slow down the reality of being jobless blankets over us both. Some night’s the weight of it feels almost unbearable. I say “both” because I noticed lately that my husband (who usually falls right to sleep) has developed a new habit of sighing over & over before he finally drifts off.

Darkness isn’t always a bad place. Good things happen there too. Good rest, connection to the one you love…..quiet thoughts and still moments. Yet, when we’re struggling to trust…..darkness can be used as an awful weapon against us.

trust in darkness

Everything is going to be okay. That’s what I keep telling myself. This life, the life we’ve built in this new town….is not the end. Something great is ahead. In spite of what someone might have decided for us, God is at work! He has something even better in mind. His good & holy kind of better.

I’d rather be somewhere in HIS WILL than in my own someplace comfy. Any day.

2 tim 1 7

Here’s to trusting God in all the dark moments. 2 Timothy is not messing around when it says FEAR DOESN’T COME FROM GOD. I know this…..I believe this and I pray away all the sighs in the night.

I believe you when you say – TRUST ME. I believe you see all the unknown could be’s in my life and you have everything under control. Help me see what you see.

Caught Off Guard

Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

grace will

I’m on day 7 of my new life. On Thursday my hubby came home to give me the news that he’d lost his job. I’d be lying if I told you I handled it with joy and grace. My high strung personality just doesn’t respond like that. I cried. Lost my cool. Wished I knew karate.

Life is like a roller-coaster. One minute you’re up and soaring like an eagle and the next you’re plummeting to the ground at speeds that feel like they’re going to kill you dead. Up down Up down. Twist turn. Slam on the brakes.

Losing a job is painful.

While he explained the details of the event, my mind raced around (surely it’s a wife thing) imagining all the stuff I needed to get rid of in my house…so it could sell before the bank foreclosed on it. Then I moved on to our daughter who is “so close” to graduation and all the hard work she’s put in to getting to this precious destination. Next, our youngest who is dreaming of a wedding in the coming year….how would we ever pay for it without a job? And our son, who’s a thousand miles away reeling in his own job loss.

What are we going to do?

I want you to know that GRACE doesn’t come easy in moments like this. Matter of fact, here on day 7 I’m still searching out my feelings and praying for how to move on minus a rotten attitude.

The flesh is weak and the mind is a battlefield.

I’ve felt pretty much every emotion — I’ve gotten angry, imagined being mocked or ridiculed, wished I could wake up from this bad dream and also felt hopeful. I know God doesn’t miss a thing….and this job loss situation matters to Him just as much as it does to me.

He is in control.


I have to trust Him and believe He has a plan. Even as I wrestle with medical issues that are still a mystery and the guilt of buying a “new to me” car.

He isn’t caught off guard. He is God, Jehovah-Jireh!


Forgive me for my tiny faith. Show me how to lean on you when I am afraid. Open the door to the place we belong.

I’m Afraid…. of What?

Thursday, August 20th, 2015

One night (this could have been said, many nights) I couldn’t sleep because my mind was racing with “What if’s”; What if he has an accident? What if a car doesn’t see him on his motorcycle? What if she is in the wrong place at the wrong time? What if someone tries to break in? What if I get sick? What if he loses his job? What if we can’t pay our bills?

WHAT IF? (Insert: hand-wringing, tossing & turning, heavy sighing)

As a mom, I think some worrying is probably unavoidable. But, then again, is it?

fear not

After reading a great article yesterday by the very young (Hello, he WASN’T ALIVE when the Space Shuttle blew up?) Frank Powell on 9 Sins Christians Are Okay With, I took a little bop right between the eyes (thanks, Frank) at my own acceptance of most of what was on his list. Fear and apathy being two of my biggest weaknesses.

I’m a Christian. I’ve been a Christian a looooooong time (I was in my first year of college when the Space Shuttle blew up). I’ve deepened in my faith. I’ve read scripture for knowledge and heart power and obedience.

Still, I grapple with fear.

I know better, is what I’m saying. I know it, I can even feel it. It’s wrong and unnecessary. Yet, as soon as the lights go out, or the kid drives away or the weird pains in my body rear up….I resort to feeling afraid.

fear fear

Feeling afraid is like telling God – He isn’t big enough to take care of me or the people I love and fret over. Rolling around in bed while my mind races around with the what if’s, is not from God.


God doesn’t dole out fear (but Satan sure does). He doesn’t use fear to get us to do what He wants either. Like many have assumed throughout their lives.

Does that mean we shouldn’t fear Him?


It means, we shouldn’t mix up a Holy reverence for who God is in our lives with the VBS character we play like He is in our real world living.

God is Holy. God is righteous. God is pure. God is wise beyond all knowledge. God is power. God is merciful. God is everywhere all the time. God is the Great I Am. HE was, HE is and HE will always be.

My knowledge of those attributes of Him propel me to honor Him, to trust Him and to believe Him when He says….

fear trusts

I can rest knowing God has complete control over my life.

His love for me is deeper than any kind of love that I’ll ever know on this earth. His love for the people I care about is even stronger than the love I feel for them.

So, why should I worry or fear?

Right now, I have a sign by my front door and I notice people slowing down as they walk by to read it…

…And it’s time I start living like I believe it!

whole world

What are you afraid of?

Can Mom’s Quit?

Monday, July 1st, 2013

I bet I'm not the only mom to consider running away.  Some parts of being a mother are hard to handle.  Even at the stage of parenting that I'm currently in….I struggle.  I face situations that set me back and cause me to pound on heaven's doors for help.  I'm sure they're normal but sometimes I'd just rather skip any testy situations and live happily ever after.  Wouldn't you?

This past weekend was a zinger for me as a mom.  I managed to feel just about every emotion known to the human body.  At one point, I wondered if I'd ever be truly joyful again.  Sounds really serious, huh?  For me, it was.  Why is it so hard to let your kids make their own way?  I think it's partly because we know more about life and since we do…..we cling to fear.

I admit it, I worry.  I rake "what if's" over & over in my head and when I do, I feel crippling fear.  I'm not proud of that part of myself.  It makes me look like a person of tiny faith and that's not even close to who I am as a mom or child of God.  I'm confident in Christ and I know HE HOLDS THE POWER over life and death.  I can't (in my scrawny power) in any way provide another day or moment for the people I love on this earth.

Oh, but how I try!

At what point do mother's stop worrying about their kids?  I can't say.  Here I am with young adults and I think NOW is probably the time I've worried the most.  They're fully engaged with life and nothing can stop them (or so they think) not even meddling parents.  So, what is my job as a mom these days?

Here's what I THINK it is –>

Be a positive example — I see parents of kids my age posting some pretty sketchy stuff online.  Some of the behaviors are embarrassing.  Kids, even grown up ones really don't want to see their parents acting like they're in their 20's.  Grow up Mom & Dad and behave!

Lead with courage — When your kids make a decision that you know is wrong or out of character, be honest and speak up.  Sometimes kids are looking for someone to tell them NO!  Don't be afraid to be honest.  I think families end up stuck in a bad position just because parents didn't want to interfere or tell their kid NO!  Sad!  Don't put yourself in a position of  -> I should've…

Give room for mistakes — Look who's talking here.  Kids are going to goof up.  Forgive them and move forward.  Don't miss the chance to help them learn from their mistakes.  Notice:  I didn't say beat them over the head with their mistakes.  Love them through them!

Pray & pray often — I thought I prayed a lot for my kids when they were small.  I did.  But the time has come and the consequences of  life are so much riskier now that I really pray hard for each of them.  Constantly.  Who else is going to do it?

I'm living proof that mom's can be either an asset or a hinderance to their kids.  I've managed to be both over the years at some point or another.  I'm grateful that when I'm in over my head God has gently (and not so gently) pulled me up and set me back on my feet.  I used to think WHEN I get my kids raised…then I can relax.  I'm learning that being a mother is forever.

So to answer my own question… You can't just quit!


I Am Not Afraid

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

I’m overwhelmed with “stuff” today. I suppose we all have these days at some point or another. I could use some encouragement. So, I’m going to zip it for your sake.

Prayer and God’s grace are my biggest need right now. If you can spare a bit…it won’t go wasted here. I hope to be back on top of my game soon.

Really, that’s how I’m getting through today. Pathetic, huh?

But I know better! Don’t you?

I know WHO IS IN CONTROL! So, if you’ll excuse me….I’m off to get over it!

Growing Pains

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

All around me I feel pressure. It seems that no matter where I turn I see someone struggling with something. I take it on and fret over it too, like it belongs to me. I can’t help that about myself. I’m a worry-wart!

Last night, I listened as my girl poured out her aching heart about wanting to “grow up”. I felt her pain. I understand. I’ve been there and wanted to feel grown up too. I wish I could make her see….it happens faster than she’ll ever know.

On Monday, a dear friend confided in me that she didn’t have gas money to drive to school this week. Her family is fighting to keep their heads above water financially. I understand. Money is tight for everyone and my family is not excluded.

This morning, my co-worker is concerned about keeping her job. That seems to be the norm for everyone in this economy. No one is safe. Employers are cutting positions and people are getting fired left and right. I understand. I too, feel no peace in this area.

Tonight, my youngest takes on a giant. Her fears are shining through. Being new to the team and the sport are all against her. But that’s not stopping her from competing. I know she feels intimidated and awkward. I understand. I feel that way too about many things in my life.

I know that God sees every single issue each of my friends and family face. I can trust Him with each tiny detail. Yet, I fret. Then, I’m reminded of the second verse of my Siesta Scripture Memory challenge…. “Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders YOU have done. The things YOU planned for us NO ONE can recount to YOU; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.” Psalm 40:5

Why do I doubt? What is it that YOU cannot do? My brain knows….YOU ARE IN CONTROL! Help me let go of the stuff I don’t have any business hanging onto. You’re on duty….I can relax!