Posts Tagged ‘stressed’

Change Can Feel Cruel

Tuesday, December 20th, 2016

depress

I’m changing.

It feels like a slow erosion of who I once was is turning into a dark broken version of someone else.

I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to feel okay.

I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse.

Today is day #102 that my husband hasn’t had a job. I cannot believe it. One minute I think I’m okay, that WE’RE okay and the next I realize time is running out and money has dwindled….and doom is literally right around the corner.

It is destroying me. I can only imagine what it’s doing to him.

I can’t help but describe the pain as similar to a death. Something very important has died and it isn’t coming back. Maybe it would feel different if suddenly a job opened up and we could recover some of what we’re about to lose.

In my head, I can’t help but think of the people who caused this pain for me & my family. My whole family is affected by this situation, in case you didn’t know.

I know, for them….they’ve never once thought of what their decision has cost us. They’re still living their lives. They’re still going out for nice meals, spending money on special gifts for people they love and they are smiling, enjoying their days and nights.

That’s not how it is for us.

We are hanging by a thread. Me, especially.

I cannot get over how easy it is to ruin someone’s life and continue on with your own as if nothing ever happened.

walkin

I’m starting to question where God is through this journey. { That’s not good }

life me

God,
I’ve fallen so far into a hole of hopelessness. Help me get out before it’s too late. My world is crumbling and I need your mercy.
Amen

How Many Ways

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

Can the Lord send me encouragement? In the midst of stress and worry…..He continually surrounds me with His love and grace. We knew this month would be tense…..but seriously, this is wildly over the top.

I don’t know what will be next. At this point, nothing surprises me. I just appreciate how God sends me little reminders of His love for me and for my future. Maybe you’re living with stress that seems neverending…..I hope you get His message of love for you too.

A few things that have encouraged me this week:

–“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” (Proverbs 31:25 NLT)

I know we’ve heard the verse in Jeremiah 29 over and over again about how God knows the plans He has for us.
Something I’m continuing to learn is that He doesn’t say we will always know, but He says, “I know.” In my life there continues to be so much uncertainty and inconsistency, but in the midst of that, God continues to be near…
(Words written just for me) Elizabeth Williams

–A visit from a couple firewood delivering angels! A Christmas present from hubby’s brother & sister-in-law who live in Washington State. Very cool gift. Or warm gift, really.

–A surprise visit from my sweetboy. He’s almost finished with finals but still had a few to go. He came by after attending a funeral for his roommate’s grandmother in the next town over. Score for me, he stayed the night. 🙂

–Two days off of school. Thanks to the big snow/ice storm. We’ll be making these dudes up….so I’ll be whining later. 😉

–“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

Lord,
Thank you for your love. Even when I feel like there’s no hope…you remind me that I’m yours and that you’ve got this.
Amen.