How would you feel if someone told you there was no cure for what you have? Back in 1997 when the doctor’s finally put a name to my excruciating leg pains, I had no idea that Fibromyalgia was just the start of a complete lifestyle change.
I don’t know how to describe my feelings because I’ve been pretty emotional since my latest doctor’s appointment yesterday. I’ve known something was seriously wrong but in a way I’d hoped it would be something simple and easy to treat.
However, that’s not always how it goes.
After MORE BLOODWORK ordered by the Rheumatologist that tested everything from A – Z, I sat and listened to her explain every ugly detail of the aggressive attack going on inside my body. Rheumatoid Arthritis don’t play! I tried to hang in there while she went on and on with all the results to every test but I just couldn’t.
I started to cry and I’m still crying today.
There’s no cure and nothing will ever make it go away. RA will attack and destroy until there is nothing left to ruin. I can’t just get any old arthritis and pop some pain pills. I have to go full-on crazy and get it with all the gusto I have in me. On my first visit, she was so skeptical with the RA results from my family physician….yesterday felt more like she was stomping on the gas of ‘this is really bad’ and everything you’ve ever loved about your life is gone.
I don’t even want to talk about the aggressive war ahead. The administering of Methotrexate at home (yea, shots). The fighting against every virus floating around, cold/flu/whathaveyou’s. I just cannot deal…
On top of all of that….I cannot eat anything! Unless it’s a fruit or vegetable (and again, that’s not all veggies) and fish/meat. Never again can I eat a piece of cake or a brownie (according to her) because wheat, sugar, dairy are evil and all they want to do is kill me dead.
Have I mentioned I’m hungry?
I don’t want to sound like a total baby but this is tough. This is life-changing. This year has been a real drag! I’m fighting so many battles all at once that this just about takes the cake (Oh, wait….it did take the cake!)!
I’m still learning. I’m not giving up, I plan to fight it with everything I have. I’ll need help. I’ll need encouragement & understanding. Pray I can handle it.
God,
Thank you for answers and thank you for doctors that dedicate their lives to learning and helping their patients. I need strength that can only come through you to carry on in this battle.
Amen
