Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Time For An Upgrade

Thursday, September 13th, 2018

A few years ago, I dropped a very hot curling iron on my arm while doing my hair. The contact was quick but the lasting scar is still with me today. Everytime I wear short sleeves or a swimsuit, there’s that ugly large barrel burn on my upper arm. It boldly sticks out and there’s no hiding it without wearing 3/4 length sleeves or longer. My hubby hates it. Not because it’s ugly (which it is) but because it reminds him that something hurt me and he couldn’t do anything to prevent it.

I have scars elsewhere too. Some of them have scabbed over and others are still festered and raw. These are the scars on my heart. I’ve tried healing them up on my own but that’s impossible. Only God can soothe and repair the scars from hurt & disappointment. His love, mercy and grace are like a healing ointment to every ugly scar I carry.

If you’re a breathing human here on the earth, you’ve fought some battles too. Heartache, loss, brokenness, illness, stress…the stuff that knocks us down and tries to destroy us all play a huge role in our faith. For many, these are the things that send them running to the cross and yet, some just fall deeper into a hole.

My journey the last 2 years taught me so many good faith lessons. I admit, I wanted to give up (in my head) so many times. I just couldn’t do it, though. Something kept me going, well… a lot of things kept me going. My faith was stretched so big that even I couldn’t believe it was mine. I’m a worm in comparison to many in faith in Christ. I’m weak and I’m flighty. I tend to throw my proverbial crap down and cry NOOOOOOOO MORE! I can’t take anymore! (ask my kids or hubby) The Lord must really enjoy my drama! Or is that just more of his mercy?

I don’t have what it takes (on my own) to pound down the tragedies of life. I require help. Maybe you do too. When I’m at my weakest, God has shown up for me and pointed me back to His love and grace over my life. He is always working. He is always waiting for me to seek Him out and follow His lead.

I needed an upgraded faith.

The only way my heart will ever heal is through thankfulness. I’m thankful for all the ways God came through for me and continues to do today. His plan for my life is still unfolding and I’m blessed to watch and experience Him in so many new ways. I may carry scars, like the one on my arm – forever, but His love for me reminds me that I AM NEVER ALONE or ON MY OWN with my struggles.

My scars are the best reminder of His goodness.

This next season of my life will be good. The last one was good too.

You heal every hurt in your own time and way. Thank you for all the ways you came through for me and for the times I thought you didn’t. I needed to grow and I probably wouldn’t have without a few battles in my life. Thank you for the upgrade!

When Your Doctor Says, “Off the charts”

Thursday, January 19th, 2017

it wont end

How would you feel if someone told you there was no cure for what you have? Back in 1997 when the doctor’s finally put a name to my excruciating leg pains, I had no idea that Fibromyalgia was just the start of a complete lifestyle change.

I don’t know how to describe my feelings because I’ve been pretty emotional since my latest doctor’s appointment yesterday. I’ve known something was seriously wrong but in a way I’d hoped it would be something simple and easy to treat.

However, that’s not always how it goes.

After MORE BLOODWORK ordered by the Rheumatologist that tested everything from A – Z, I sat and listened to her explain every ugly detail of the aggressive attack going on inside my body. Rheumatoid Arthritis don’t play! I tried to hang in there while she went on and on with all the results to every test but I just couldn’t.

I started to cry and I’m still crying today.

There’s no cure and nothing will ever make it go away. RA will attack and destroy until there is nothing left to ruin. I can’t just get any old arthritis and pop some pain pills. I have to go full-on crazy and get it with all the gusto I have in me. On my first visit, she was so skeptical with the RA results from my family physician….yesterday felt more like she was stomping on the gas of ‘this is really bad’ and everything you’ve ever loved about your life is gone.

I don’t even want to talk about the aggressive war ahead. The administering of Methotrexate at home (yea, shots). The fighting against every virus floating around, cold/flu/whathaveyou’s. I just cannot deal…

On top of all of that….I cannot eat anything! Unless it’s a fruit or vegetable (and again, that’s not all veggies) and fish/meat. Never again can I eat a piece of cake or a brownie (according to her) because wheat, sugar, dairy are evil and all they want to do is kill me dead.

Have I mentioned I’m hungry?

it no cance

I don’t want to sound like a total baby but this is tough. This is life-changing. This year has been a real drag! I’m fighting so many battles all at once that this just about takes the cake (Oh, wait….it did take the cake!)!

I’m still learning. I’m not giving up, I plan to fight it with everything I have. I’ll need help. I’ll need encouragement & understanding. Pray I can handle it.

it hurt


Thank you for answers and thank you for doctors that dedicate their lives to learning and helping their patients. I need strength that can only come through you to carry on in this battle.


You’re A Pain

Friday, April 19th, 2013

Not you.  I love you.  I can't think of one rotten reason not to love you.  You come here and linger around reading my words.  Sometimes you leave me comments and tell me what they mean to you and it makes my heart go all a flutter.  You, make me enjoy doing what I do here.  

I'm talking to the beast that lives within me.  The one who rears its ugly head when I get just the slightest bit weak.  The one that for the most part I CAN MANAGE with my ninja girl superpowers — rest!  I'm not fooling anybody with that tactic.  Fibromyalgia isn't one to be "managed" unless you count having NO STRESS, NO EXHAUSTION & NO WORRY for a regular lifestyle.

Tell me, who do you know that doesn't have any of those issues going on in their life.  Uhh, yea…no one.

This whole week has been one big Fibro attack.  By Thursday, I was pretty much moving from one sitting position at work to another.  Which isn't quite do-able in my job.  I spend an enormous amount of time on my feet and walking long hallways all day.  Hello, 2 lunch duties?  Standing and walking are sort of important.

Guiltily, I decided to take Friday off and rest up.  Why does feeling well have to cost so much?  This illness is an embarrassment.  It makes you look like a sissy or a fake.   I'm neither of those.  I often wonder if having this beast is God's way of making me slow down (not that He's punishing me).  Is there something He wants to show me that I'm not willing to see otherwise?  I'm not going to argue with God about how crummy I feel — He knows.  He sees.  What I am going to do is  L I S T E N for His voice and His nudging in my life and let this attack run its course.  It's all I can do.

What threatens to invade your life and make it miserable?  Don't let it win, friend.  You are too strong for that!


I can't question you as to WHY ME when it comes to this Fibromyalgia pain.  I trust you too much to do that.  Help me do what is right for me to feel relief and for my family in coping with my bad days.  I consider it all joy, Lord that you trust me enough to handle such a thing.  I never take my good days for granted.  I know I am blessed with the body you've given me.


It’ll be the death of me…

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Yesterday, as I was innocently going about my special ed business at school……I felt it! As the day progressed, it got worse! I tried and tried to ignore it. NO CHANCE!!! That’s how it is with these suckers! They hurt! They bring you down….the kind of hurt that makes you want to writhe in pain (and act like a big baby!)!

If you can’t tell by all of the exclaimation points I’m using……I’m in some serious misery here!!


If you’ve ever had one, then you know……O U C H !!! I’m hanging by a thread here. I want to curl up and cry, but what good is that going to do? IT HAS TO EITHER PASS OR DO WHATEVER IT IS THESE DUDES DO!!! And do it quick!

Oh and the coup de gras to my day? We’re at school and UNDER A STINKIN TORNADO WATCH!!!


Somebody help me!