Posts Tagged ‘pain’

When Your Doctor Says, “Off the charts”

Thursday, January 19th, 2017

it wont end

How would you feel if someone told you there was no cure for what you have? Back in 1997 when the doctor’s finally put a name to my excruciating leg pains, I had no idea that Fibromyalgia was just the start of a complete lifestyle change.

I don’t know how to describe my feelings because I’ve been pretty emotional since my latest doctor’s appointment yesterday. I’ve known something was seriously wrong but in a way I’d hoped it would be something simple and easy to treat.

However, that’s not always how it goes.

After MORE BLOODWORK ordered by the Rheumatologist that tested everything from A – Z, I sat and listened to her explain every ugly detail of the aggressive attack going on inside my body. Rheumatoid Arthritis don’t play! I tried to hang in there while she went on and on with all the results to every test but I just couldn’t.

I started to cry and I’m still crying today.

There’s no cure and nothing will ever make it go away. RA will attack and destroy until there is nothing left to ruin. I can’t just get any old arthritis and pop some pain pills. I have to go full-on crazy and get it with all the gusto I have in me. On my first visit, she was so skeptical with the RA results from my family physician….yesterday felt more like she was stomping on the gas of ‘this is really bad’ and everything you’ve ever loved about your life is gone.

I don’t even want to talk about the aggressive war ahead. The administering of Methotrexate at home (yea, shots). The fighting against every virus floating around, cold/flu/whathaveyou’s. I just cannot deal…

On top of all of that….I cannot eat anything! Unless it’s a fruit or vegetable (and again, that’s not all veggies) and fish/meat. Never again can I eat a piece of cake or a brownie (according to her) because wheat, sugar, dairy are evil and all they want to do is kill me dead.

Have I mentioned I’m hungry?

it no cance

I don’t want to sound like a total baby but this is tough. This is life-changing. This year has been a real drag! I’m fighting so many battles all at once that this just about takes the cake (Oh, wait….it did take the cake!)!

I’m still learning. I’m not giving up, I plan to fight it with everything I have. I’ll need help. I’ll need encouragement & understanding. Pray I can handle it.

it hurt

God,

Thank you for answers and thank you for doctors that dedicate their lives to learning and helping their patients. I need strength that can only come through you to carry on in this battle.

Amen

You’re A Pain

Friday, April 19th, 2013

Not you.  I love you.  I can't think of one rotten reason not to love you.  You come here and linger around reading my words.  Sometimes you leave me comments and tell me what they mean to you and it makes my heart go all a flutter.  You, make me enjoy doing what I do here.  

I'm talking to the beast that lives within me.  The one who rears its ugly head when I get just the slightest bit weak.  The one that for the most part I CAN MANAGE with my ninja girl superpowers — rest!  I'm not fooling anybody with that tactic.  Fibromyalgia isn't one to be "managed" unless you count having NO STRESS, NO EXHAUSTION & NO WORRY for a regular lifestyle.

Tell me, who do you know that doesn't have any of those issues going on in their life.  Uhh, yea…no one.

This whole week has been one big Fibro attack.  By Thursday, I was pretty much moving from one sitting position at work to another.  Which isn't quite do-able in my job.  I spend an enormous amount of time on my feet and walking long hallways all day.  Hello, 2 lunch duties?  Standing and walking are sort of important.

Guiltily, I decided to take Friday off and rest up.  Why does feeling well have to cost so much?  This illness is an embarrassment.  It makes you look like a sissy or a fake.   I'm neither of those.  I often wonder if having this beast is God's way of making me slow down (not that He's punishing me).  Is there something He wants to show me that I'm not willing to see otherwise?  I'm not going to argue with God about how crummy I feel — He knows.  He sees.  What I am going to do is  L I S T E N for His voice and His nudging in my life and let this attack run its course.  It's all I can do.

What threatens to invade your life and make it miserable?  Don't let it win, friend.  You are too strong for that!

Lord

I can't question you as to WHY ME when it comes to this Fibromyalgia pain.  I trust you too much to do that.  Help me do what is right for me to feel relief and for my family in coping with my bad days.  I consider it all joy, Lord that you trust me enough to handle such a thing.  I never take my good days for granted.  I know I am blessed with the body you've given me.

Amen

It’ll be the death of me…

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Yesterday, as I was innocently going about my special ed business at school……I felt it! As the day progressed, it got worse! I tried and tried to ignore it. NO CHANCE!!! That’s how it is with these suckers! They hurt! They bring you down….the kind of hurt that makes you want to writhe in pain (and act like a big baby!)!

If you can’t tell by all of the exclaimation points I’m using……I’m in some serious misery here!!

DANG YOU….. KIDNEY STONES!!!!!

If you’ve ever had one, then you know……O U C H !!! I’m hanging by a thread here. I want to curl up and cry, but what good is that going to do? IT HAS TO EITHER PASS OR DO WHATEVER IT IS THESE DUDES DO!!! And do it quick!

Oh and the coup de gras to my day? We’re at school and UNDER A STINKIN TORNADO WATCH!!!

🙁

Somebody help me!