No one can jack up your mom mojo quicker than a full-on jerky kid. Not the “stranger” kind either, I mean the one you carried inside your once flat tummy and pushed all day long to bring into this janked up world. Those people. They are the ones (two or three or however many times you thought producing arrows of righteousness would bless you) who can really rip out your heart and stomp on it like NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
And then ask you for something right after the sucker punch to your heart.
Kids are ruthless. They can also be pretty selfish. Who can we blame though? We play a pretty significant role in how self-centered our kids grow up to be. I know I can only blame myself for many of my own kids “issues”.
I was chatting with a friend today who was feeling all the hurts that come with dealing with grown up kids. That’s not to say that all grown up kids are being rotten or uncaring…. Sometimes, that relationship becomes all wonky and the results can be rather uncomfortable for both parties. I’ve experienced my own share of growing pains with my big kids. It can hurt in so many ways just trying to navigate normal everyday life.
Heck, I’ve cried over some stupid things.
I tried to encourage my friend because what I’ve learned is that these feelings are normal. It’s all part of God’s bigger plan. Kids grow up, they marry and move on. Our lives don’t end because of that. Matter of fact, it’s just getting started. All the years of investing in the great people they are were not a waste.
We can celebrate knowing that we played a part in who they are today.
Now, how they treat us is their business. It’s on them. If they are snarky or jerky – find a way to overlook it. Also, be prepared to do a heart check of your own. Are you holding on too tightly? Are you stifling them? Do you invade every aspect of their lives and hold every fun thing they do without you over their heads? Stop it. Learn to let go (ha, easy for me to say..huh?) and give them the space they need to soar.
Kids are not our property. They are on loan from God. A heritage. Oh who am I kidding? They are our everything and then POOF! They are gone. Deal with it!
Mama’s, in the words of 38 Special –> Hold on loosely! But, don’t let go! If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control! Your baby needs someone to believe in….and a whole lotta space to breathe in!
Adult children have a completely different need from us as parents. They need our support but they need us to butt out. They need our love but they need us to not focus completely on them. They need us to be happy without their presence. They need us to let them fail and fall flat but they also need us to help them up (IF THEY ASK). They need us to NOT BE SO DANGED SENSITIVE but they also need to show respect and thoughtfulness. They need to know that no matter what they do or say, we love them and care for them but they also need to be considerate of our feelings.
Look, parenting never ends. It just changes. For some, it gets easier. For others, it takes on a strained or forced battle ground. Don’t let it wreck you. Don’t stop living because your kids have grown up and moved on. Start all the things you couldn’t do when you were knee deep in mac-n-cheese and tying shoes. Get out there and find your happy place.
And for goodness sakes, make your husband your #1! Hubby’s take the backseat too often while we’re mommying it up. Love your guy, smile at the face that still swoons over you and let your rotten kids go! 🙂
