Queenies Little Kingdom

I’ve watched as my kids have grappled with “life” since we left our church.  Nothing is the same.   Life is forever different.  I wish I had answers for them.  I just don’t.  My prayer’s seem to be centered around the same things; direction, understanding and a clear vision of “what next”?  I’m sure God is tired of hearing it.  I know I’m tired of saying it.

All I can do…..is hang on and trust Him.  My goal this summer is to help my family get back on track.  With God’s help….I know we can do it.  As you can see, even time doesn’t heal all wounds. 

God,

I pray for my sweet girl.  Her words sting my heart and fill my eyes with tears.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you, the God who sees every hurt and ache.  Help me to teach her how to move forward.  Life will never be easy…but it can be lived with victory. 

Amen

My youngest and I got crazy on Saturday. All by ourselves!!

We went out for breakfast—WAFFLE HOUSE

We went shopping—FLEA MARKET, BIG LOTS, GOODWILL, DOLLAR TREE, JC PENNEY & WALMART.

We grabbed a drink & snack—Sonic. Everybody knows a girl needs her Strawberry limeade and some chili cheese fries for energy purposes. 🙂
Gosh, we were so thirsty!

And on our way home…..we pulled through Long John Silver’s and grabbed a couple fish tacos for the road!

So, from here on out I’m referring to our excursion as the day we hit 3 different fast food joints! It was definitely a first (aside from a travelling vacation).

We are now good candidates for The Shred! Jillian, we are sorry! We have sinned!

Thank you Gates. You’re such a fun kid. I loved hanging out with you all day. We know how to have a good time, huh? 12 more school days until we’re free to party all the time! I can’t wait! XOXO Mama!

Waffle House Rocks the Pecan Waffle! It’s so big, you need a buddy to share it with!

For the last few days Ally has been asking to go to Walmart. Odd. She doesn’t usually do that. Unless she’s needing some nail polish or lotion. Because to be perfectly honest…going to Walmart takes way too much effort! We are lazy people!

What is she begging to go buy?

A poster! How badly does she want it?

This bad!

Yes, that’s Ally helping her dad clean the VERY DIRTY hot tub! Eww!

Work it, girlfriend! My aching body will surely appreciate it once I get to use my hottub again. Still, you’d do this really dirty work for a poster? Weird! Seriously.

I always love watching my kids perform. This concert wraps up a very busy and exciting year. Both girls did great! Congratulations on surviving the year. YOU DID IT!!

Ally is on the right (red dress)

Gates is in the middle (2nd up from bottom row)

Gavin & Ally after the concert! (last year…he was in the show)

Now he’s old and Ally is not far behind him! Coming soon, her senior year! 🙁
Be still heart!

I’m in the battle!  I feel like I’m losing too.  Work has been rotten!  I can’t think of anything nice to say about it….except that two of my own children are there.  I love being connected to them.  But, nothing else feels right!  It’s starting to affect me in all aspects of my life.

I feel like I keep travelling the same circle of junk!  I get stressed out, start thinking and feeling meanish and then start to feel guilty for being such a jerk of a person!  I hate it!  I’m generally a nice and patient person.  But my current situation is beginning to overwhelm me.

Work sucks!

The position I have…..is tough!  People all around me are floundering too.  It’s not just me.  Other’s are struggling to cope or make it out alive….just like me.  I keep clinging to the end of school countdown, 16 more days!  Sounds pretty do-able, huh?  Until my alarm goes off in the morning and then I start to feel ill (and I’m not a call in sick kind of employee….but man, I want to every single day)!!

Misery!

I’m in serious prayer about what to do ABOUT MY FUTURE!!  I don’t think I’m cut out for this position (I wasn’t hired for it in the first place….I was thrown in without a choice) but I HAVE A JOB!!  I’m starting to rethink that oft repeated statement.  It’s becoming more like…

I’m barely hanging on….

Lord, help me not to become the person I feel like everyday.   Snarly and hard-hearted.  I miss being a happy person.  My family does too.  Fill me with your goodness and mercy.  I need it and so do those who have to be around me.  I’m sorry for falling short.  Amen.

I always dreamed of being a mom.  When I was a teenager, I would lay awake in bed….imagining what it would actually be like to be “the” mom.  I wondered what they’d look like.  What I would name them (I always knew…there would be more than one)?  Would they like me?  What would they be like?

And would I be a good mom?

Now that I’m into my 20th year of being “the” mom.  I can answer most of those questions.  Being their mom has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.  They are more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined.  Each one of them have something from me or their dad that makes them unique.  I love their names…only they could be….Gavin, Ally & Gates. 

Gavin loves life.  He’s always been a happy kid.  From the time he was a baby he wanted to experience everything!  And I think he has!  He’s sweet and compassionate.  He is a natural leader (and does it well).  He’s thoughtful and helpful….he genuinely cares about others.  He’s weirdly intelligent and dreams BIG DREAMS!!  He loves God, family, music, food and awesome cars.  He’s funny and handsome.  And he makes my heart jump everytime I see him.  He’s the son I prayed for and more.  I’m so proud to be his mom.  It’s been wonderful watching him grow up into the man he is now.  God, I am overwhelmed by your handiwork!  Thank you.

Ally has a heart of gold.  She’s always had a nurturing personality.  She was only 9 months old when we gave her the first babydoll she would love and care for.  She instantly fed and loved it.  {I knew then, my girl would be a good mama someday}  Her passion goes beyond that though.  She is a strong willed girl.  There isn’t anything she won’t try to do well.  She knows how to dream (like her mom) and figures out a way to make it happen.  She’s tender-hearted and easily wounded.  Her beauty is more than skin deep.  She knows how to love and isn’t afraid to.  She’s taught me more about being a mom than anyone else and I’m crazy about her.  Now that she’s 17 and heading into her senior year…..I’m amazed that she’s mine.  How did she turn out so great?  Oh yea, God!  Thank you, Lord!  You’re spoiling me!

Gates is all about surprise.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant AGAIN….it’s been surprising!  She’s the baby I almost didn’t have and I know that God had his hands all over it.  She was meant to be, my baby!  She’s delicate yet tough, she’s sweet yet spunky, she’s funny ALL THE TIME!!  Her smile is infectious and her love is like a disease (once you get it….there is NO CURE!).  She’s brought life into our quiet family and we love her for it.  She isn’t afraid of anything and she makes me brave too.  She loves to bless others (it’s one of her gifts).  People love her….they are drawn to her like a magnet.  I’m just glad….she’s stuck on me!  She has changed my life…forever!  She is beautiful inside and out!  I tease her that I’m keeping her forever….and I mean it!

What more could I ask for?

Sweet Lord

I don’t know how you picked me, but thank you!  It’s been the greatest job I could ever have.  If I died today, my heart would be satisfied knowing that I was doing what you called me to do.  Continue to use me in the lives of my children.  Help me to influence them to love and follow you….no matter what.  Make my life an example of you and your love, everyday!

Amen