I can't remember a time that I didn't want to be a mom. All my fantasy play revolved around some sort of "family" dynamic while I was growing up. My Barbies were in family groups, my dollhouse people and even my pets. If I played with it, I created a family scene and gave everyone names and lives. I was obsessed!
I wanted to be a mom, someday.
Now that my own kids have reached adulthood, they talk about their future as a spouse and parent. Some of their questions and ponderings make me laugh…
Will I find a spouse to love forever?
Will I be a good parent?
Why don't I want kids right now?
Will my kids be cute?
I only want boys!
Are all kids crazy?
Kids are cute but I don't think I like them.
How can I know if I'll like parenthood?
What if I don't like them (kids)?
I understand the pressure and the curiosity about GROWN UP LIFE when you're a young punk. I did all that dreaming too. I wondered about my life and the people who would be in it while I was growing up. I imagined all the "perfect" possibilities that could be my future. I thought long and hard about what my kids would look like and how many I would have. Honestly, none of what I imagined…happened.
Why?
Because, God. God gives way more than a person can wish or imagine. While I was daydreaming through Pre-Algebra and writing fake kid names on my notebook….God had already decided who I would marry and the children we would parent together. Looking back, it's probably a good thing I didn't really know what was ahead for me (I would've surely messed it up with my TAKE CHARGE personality). All I know is that I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOM!
So, how do you know if you're supposed to have kids?
This is just my theory. It isn't a proven fact or a set-in-stone gospel….just what seems logical to me. The world is full of unwanted children; abused & broken, molested and mistreated…..thrown away and left to others to care for and some are even killed by the people chosen by God to give them life.
The choice to be a parent is heavy. I get it. That's why I think actually doing it isn't for the faint of heart. It's a forever decision. I believe if you want to know if it's right for you, ask yourself these questions:
1. Can I imagine NEVER holding a baby/child in my arms and calling them mine?
2. Do I feel an "ache" in my heart for a child?
3. Can I love someone else more than myself?
4. Is God calling me to parent a child or many?
5. Can I give up my freedom to raise a child?
6. Is being a parent all or much of what I think about?
If you can answer NO to 3 or more of those questions, parenting a child may not be the direction for you. I don't say that to criticize or hurt anyone. I say it because being a parent involves all of that and more.
The emotion of holding a child in your arms for the first time cannot even be described…..then knowing, God picked you makes that connection even more overwhelming. Your heart will never be the same.
Speaking of the heart. For me…..my heart ached (hence all the daydreaming) for a baby of my own. I couldn't shake it. I wished, I imagined little sweet faces, I picked out names, I numbered my brood and I prepared my life for a future with kids. But, not without a husband. I knew that future included the right man to raise all the kids my heart was aching for.
I knew that having a baby would be a sacrifice and having more than one would be a total giving of all that I "thought" was important. I would have to think of someone else before myself….forever. Having a child means loving someone more than yourself. Ask any mother, any good mother. It's not about you anymore.
Just because your body can make a baby doesn't mean you are supposed to. It's very important to seek God in all that you do and parenting is probably one of the most incredible callings ever. Make sure He's calling you to that life. It is forever.
When you become a parent…..your freedom is no longer yours. Time as you know it, never exists again. Life revolves around that little person….even after they move out. A mother never stops thinking of her kids. It's all part of the nurturing phenom.
Dreaming about the future is normal for everyone. But if your dreams don't include children…..that is a big clue. It may be that you're just not ready yet or it may be that it isn't your cup of tea. Don't be afraid to choose to never be a parent. God doesn't call everyone to do it. Parenting is a life choice that just doesn't go away and if you're doubtful…..probably not a good move to go all willy-nilly and get pregnant. A baby will not necessarily make you want to be a parent. I think we all can agree, the world is full of sad stories of harm done to children by parents who felt trapped or sorry for having them in the first place. So, don't make a forever decision on a "chance" experiment. What you think about most….is probably a safe bet as to what is important to you.
My dreams of being a mom have exceeded my imagination. Nothing in my life has ever been more rewarding, painful, stressful, exhausting and amazing all at the same time. I was meant to be a mother and someday……I will (hopefully) be a grandmother.
I hear….that being a grandmother is so incredible, women wonder why they didn't do that first.
