Posts Tagged ‘disagreement’

For Arguments Sake

Monday, June 18th, 2012

I bet you don't want to know my family argues.  I certainly don't want to admit it, but how can I be honest here without speaking the truth.  Yep!  We disagree!  We fuss!  We "blow our stack".  It's not something I'm proud of and I bet if you live in a normal family, you argue too.

It's human nature!

I've been thinking about what causes such riff's between people who love each other.  One of the biggest issues seems to always stem from some sort of disappointment or frustration.  Have you ever felt really angry with someone over a small incident that didn't really matter — only to realize that you were actually mad about something way bigger?  The little thing just made the big thing come to surface?

Yea, that happens.  To everyone, right?

Oh how ill-tempered we can be.  Some might even call it "self absorbed"!  Whatever.  When you're mad…YOU'RE MAD!  Right?

I wish I could say I'm extra good at keeping my cool!  Truth is, I stink at it.  I can blow a gasket faster than a souped up Chevy!  Oh and don't think for one second I'm not armed with some vicious word arsenal!  I can slice  & dice with my tongue!

Lord, help me.

My heart usually regrets it though because mean words wound and destroy.  Who wants to be a destroyer?  Unless you're talking about BAD GUYS or evil forces.  Am I right?

What I'm getting at here is….before you blurt out that careless word or blow up in an angry way, don't!  Stop and think it through.  Is your reason for lashing out really about what you're going postal over?  Remember, the person catching your flack just may not know you're upset about THE BIG THING especially when you attack over a small thing!

 

My advice is to handle what's bothering you in a way that brings glory to God.  The other person may not even know they've hurt or wronged you.  Dealing with it before it eats you up is always easier and kinder.

Love your family.  Treat them with care and be kind every chance you get.  No one knows how many opportunities we have left.

 

Happy 3rd week of June, friends (yes…already)!

 

PS-No loved ones were hurt or injured as a result of this posting.  My family is at peace and is carefully filtering all frustrations through a God-sized sieve known as forgiveness!

Broken Fellowship

Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

Who hasn’t had an argument with their spouse? It’s impossible to live together and not disagree about something. If you’re human (and I know you are) you have experienced a frustrating moment in your marriage. Right?

This past weekend was a wingdinger for me. I’m ashamed to admit it but in order to live with myself, I feel it’s only fair for me to tell you–I’m human. Maybe something I say will help you in a situation that God wants you to resolve in your own life. If not, then you can just talk about me and pat yourself on the back for your own personal marriage victory! Either way, I’m spilling. 🙂

A peek into the flesh:

It started on Saturday. My husband and son were heading out to chop wood. Before they could start they needed to run to the store for a new ax-handle. I walked outside as they were leaving and noticed a speck of sunshine on the side of my house. Since I live in a wooded shady neighborhood, I decided to drag out 2 poinsettias that I’ve been babying since before Christmas. I mentioned to my son (Who is 21, by the way) that I was going to let them get a little sun while it was warm.

Fast forward to later in the day.

I had cooked up a hearty late-lunch for the guys and thought I’d let them know it was ready. I stepped out and said, “Hey it’s time to eat!” and then turned around to get my flowers. Except, there were no flowers. They were gone. I asked them — “Hey, where’s my flowers?”. With a funny smile on his face, my son says, “Dad had me throw them over the hill into the creek!”. I’m thinking, is he joking? Only, he wasn’t.

They threw my beautiful flowers over the hill to their death!

I say, “WHAT?” — “You threw my flowers away?” — “WHY?”

I can only hear mumbling from my hubby (he was cleaning inside his car) and my son is still standing there with a startled look on his face. I think to myself, “Have they lost their minds?”. Who throws away 2 beautiful plants that were freshly watered and set out for sun?

They never throw ANYTHING away and to prove my point??? The very next morning I came downstairs to watch tv and the living room looked like a FRAT PARTY had gone down the night before. There were several empty cream-soda bottles, coke cans, dirty plates and used napkins. Surely, someone felt compelled to “THROW IT AWAY” right?

Seriously!

Back to the discovery of my lost flowers. My son comes upstairs and starts to apologize for the mistake and I say, “Not yet, I’m really aggravated and do not want to discuss this now”. Next thing I hear is my husband’s angry voice and stomping up the stairs…then the mail flies by and the war was set into motion.

We have this fruitless 5 minute fussfest that ends with me in my room crying and him hiding out in his bathroom reading! I spend the next 24 + hours so mad that I can hardly speak to either of them. I mean, I’m stinking ticked!

Then, Monday rolls around and I have to go to school. But my heart…it’s still feeling all beat up and angry. I share with my friend Betsy all my woes and it hits me why I’m not over it. It wasn’t that the flowers were that important (even though they were pretty special) it was that I didn’t feel validated. I realized it was just a mistake (the throwing them away) and they’re guys, guys do dumb things. Often.

It was how he responded to my hurt feelings that did me in. I felt like I had no right to be upset (AND I DID). His outburst and frustration set me back even further. Instead of healing the wound it pushed the knife in even deeper. So, I harbored a grudge.

The rest of the weekend.

At school, I still felt the anger except the Holy Spirit stepped in to remind me that what was done–was done. No matter where I turned, I had a strange encounter with someone needing my forgiveness. A student, a fellow co-worker and even my daughter. It was the weirdest day ever. Finally, by the last block….I realized GOD WAS DEALING WITH ME and I better listen up.

What is it about words that cut right to the heart with just a single swipe? James 3:6 says, “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” Oh, how often I’ve used my tongue to burn!

The good news is that I’m over it. I forgive my husband (& son) for the harsh words and the lost flowers. No strings attached.

FYI– When and if you make a mistake against someone? Don’t dismiss it or blow up defending yourself. It could possibly give the offended the wrong message. Fall on your sword, say you’re sorry and beg to make it right. If they hold a grudge….trash the living room like you had a FRAT PARTY! That’ll show em! 😉