Posts Tagged ‘secret’

Would He Love Me?

Friday, June 3rd, 2016

Greg Conway

Can you see someone you don’t even know and recognize them immediately?

That’s how I felt the moment I clicked on the link that led me to the man who fathered me over 49 years ago. I instantly knew he was part of me. I’ve gone back a hundred times to look at his face and every time, I see something else that’s familiar and me.

I never met him, this man, who was my father. I spent a lifetime wondering who I was and did I look like anyone other than my mother (whom I look very similar to).


I don’t know who is to blame for never having met my father. But, all fingers point directly at my mother. After all, she is the one who raised me. In my heart, I don’t believe she did it to be cruel or neglectful…but in the end, it was both of those things.


The decision to clip someone out of your life forever has to be a hard one. For every facial expression, skin tone, body type….she had to see something of him, in me. How’d she do it?

For most of my life, I never knew.


The person I thought was my dad, kindly fathered me out of his own powerful love. I thank him. And, I thank the step-dad who would come along later and love me into young adulthood. Neither of their sacrifice goes unnoticed.

Still, I feel a great loss of my real dad. I can’t help but wonder all the wonders that a mind can think of about such a relationship – – –

Did he want me?
Did he think of me?
Did he try to see me?
Did he care about me?
Did he punch his dashboard when she walked away?
Did he call her and try to reason with her (for my sake)?
Did he even know about me?

I’ve heard from my aunts that he was a terrific person. He was worthy and upright. He came from a good family. He had a great future ahead of him. Still, I will never know the magnitude of who he really was on this earth. I have no one to ask, no one to see and no one to call.

While I was somewhere across the state in all my high school freshman gawkiness….my dad, Gregory Conway was found shot to death sitting in his yellow corvette in a Kmart parking lot. I didn’t even know he existed.

His murder is still unsolved.

How do I reconcile never knowing him? For me, I have to turn directly to God for that answer. What was once kept in secret is no longer hidden. Both of my parents are dead now and I’m left with so many unanswered questions. Maybe that’s exactly how it was supposed to be.

Still, I wonder….would he love me?

Ashley Who?

Tuesday, August 25th, 2015

Someone, somewhere right now is searching for a way to cheat on their spouse.

When the news first reported the Ashley Madison hack, I thought to myself – Who? Ashley Madison? What’s that? And why is it such a big deal? Hello, my name is Naive Eve. Pleased to meet you.

I don’t cheat. I don’t look for ways to cheat and I believe with my whole heart that my husband is living the same kind of committed lifestyle.

I bet a lot of other’s felt the same way until they followed one of the links to find their partner caught up in the most painful scandals of our current world.

What is wrong with people? Who does this? Who purposefully seeks out relationships outside of their marriage … knowing the truth could ruin their entire family forever?

Well, a lot of people. Cheating has been around much longer than dear old Ashley Madison’s been on the world wide web. Further proof that the human heart is flawed and wicked.


I believe is that people are broken. How can they not be? Tens of millions of people (there were supposedly 30,000,000 users signed up for this site) were affected by the hacking of Ashley Madison. That’s a lot of people involved in something they surely knew was never REALLY PRIVATE!

I don’t have the mental energy to linger on this subject too long. But, I also can’t stick my head in the sand and neither can you. Our world is full of confused and hurting people. Some of them, acting out so incredulously that it has become only a matter of linking to a site to find out if you’re the next victim.

Listen, if you haven’t heard…I am here to tell you – STUFF ON THE INTERNET IS NOT SECRET! Somehow, your sneaky little clicks can be found out. If you send nude photos of yourself, they can be seen by more than just the person you are sending them to. If you are looking for love in all the wrong places, you will eventually be found out. Be diligent, be of sound mind and protect yourself and the ones you love.

Don’t stray away from the place where you are safe and loved.


Before I close the door to my Ashley Madison thoughts today, let me be clear. My heart is no more healthier or whole than any of the cheaters found on this site or mingling around in the world of lust. I’m just as weak, I’m just as wicked, I’m just as pathetic.

I cast no stones. However, I want you to know… that my life and the ones I love in it are of utmost importance to me. I will forever try to live my life in a way that honors them because what I do in secret can and will have a tremendous affect on them. Beyond that, I never want to hurt the God who sees (Jehovah-jireh) with my foolish and sneaky ways just to satisfy a yearning inside of me.

What I do, what you do is absolutely linked to the people we love forever. Think about that before you go looking…