Posts Tagged ‘fatherless’

Would He Love Me?

Friday, June 3rd, 2016

Greg Conway

Can you see someone you don’t even know and recognize them immediately?

That’s how I felt the moment I clicked on the link that led me to the man who fathered me over 49 years ago. I instantly knew he was part of me. I’ve gone back a hundred times to look at his face and every time, I see something else that’s familiar and me.

I never met him, this man, who was my father. I spent a lifetime wondering who I was and did I look like anyone other than my mother (whom I look very similar to).


I don’t know who is to blame for never having met my father. But, all fingers point directly at my mother. After all, she is the one who raised me. In my heart, I don’t believe she did it to be cruel or neglectful…but in the end, it was both of those things.


The decision to clip someone out of your life forever has to be a hard one. For every facial expression, skin tone, body type….she had to see something of him, in me. How’d she do it?

For most of my life, I never knew.


The person I thought was my dad, kindly fathered me out of his own powerful love. I thank him. And, I thank the step-dad who would come along later and love me into young adulthood. Neither of their sacrifice goes unnoticed.

Still, I feel a great loss of my real dad. I can’t help but wonder all the wonders that a mind can think of about such a relationship – – –

Did he want me?
Did he think of me?
Did he try to see me?
Did he care about me?
Did he punch his dashboard when she walked away?
Did he call her and try to reason with her (for my sake)?
Did he even know about me?

I’ve heard from my aunts that he was a terrific person. He was worthy and upright. He came from a good family. He had a great future ahead of him. Still, I will never know the magnitude of who he really was on this earth. I have no one to ask, no one to see and no one to call.

While I was somewhere across the state in all my high school freshman gawkiness….my dad, Gregory Conway was found shot to death sitting in his yellow corvette in a Kmart parking lot. I didn’t even know he existed.

His murder is still unsolved.

How do I reconcile never knowing him? For me, I have to turn directly to God for that answer. What was once kept in secret is no longer hidden. Both of my parents are dead now and I’m left with so many unanswered questions. Maybe that’s exactly how it was supposed to be.

Still, I wonder….would he love me?

Missing a Dad

Sunday, June 21st, 2015

As I scroll through social media today, I’m reminded of all those who (like me) wish they had a special father to post about. If I’m not careful, jealousy could creep in and take over where my heart aches for the love of a daddy that I never knew. I know, I’m not alone.

The world is too full of fatherless children.

The love of a father is one of the greatest blessings and no matter how hard you try, a mother cannot give what a father can. I don’t say any of that to dispute the effort made by woman after woman who finds herself raising her children without the man who fathered them. To you women who’ve done it and are doing it, God bless you and encourage you to hang on and keep doing what you do best. Your love will not go unnoticed.

Why, is the question I’ve asked myself so many times. Why doesn’t my father want to know or love me? Or why didn’t he try harder to be in my life? And for those of you who did and do know your father, who wonder why he never stepped up to the plate to love and train you. I don’t know. I can’t understand that kind of abandonment. Mostly because of the man who fathers my children. His devotion is God’s gift to me and to them. For the last 26 years, I’ve had a front row seat into what that relationship is supposed to look like.

I’m forever grateful and blown away that after all the lifetime of wishing and wondering what it was like to be loved with such a fire and passion — God would send me the best man to father my children.

I’m thankful that my children will never know anything but the never-ending love of a great dad. They don’t have to wonder if he cares, they don’t have to imagine having a fun day with him, they don’t question his intentions towards them and they know they can ask anything of him and he will give.

So, to all my friends who can’t or don’t post today a picture of a treasured father…. I get you. I understand and so does God.

For you and others like us, God never intended for us to go unloved by the men who helped create us. His design for our lives started with a loving father in mind. But, man. Man in his sinful and pathetic flesh, some weaker than strong, others pushed out for reasons they had no control over and many just ignorant and neglectful….made the choice to let us go and never know the love of his adoring children.

We can trust, God doesn’t look the other way on any sin. No matter who the party is, mother/father/child/friend. He holds each of us accountable for the neglect we inflict on others. In scripture, God teaches us that the role of a man is to lead his family and to lay down his life for them. For those of you who have no idea what that looks like, I’m sorry.

a dad

My prayer for you (and me) is that whether your dad was a cruddy thoughtless dad or an in & out of your life kind of man or even a complete stranger to you, that you would know God’s love for you is no match. His love is an everlasting kind. His love is without boundaries. His love is perfect. His love is mighty. And I pray, that you know it. That your earthly father missed out on a great you.

Be encouraged today and think on that when the bajillion smiling photos of daddies and their brood flood your feed.

You are loved by the BEST DADDY ever. God.