Loving yourself can be a real and troubling endeavor, especially for women. As you probably already know…the female mind clicks just a little bit differently than most male minds. We over-analyze and stew over every tiny detail of what's said and even what's NOT said. We train our brain to accept much of what we hear as our measuring stick for loving ourselves.
It really does matter what we say to our children. Words stick with us (and them) forever.
Last night I was watching a reality tv show where several women (supposedly friends) were having a fancy dinner together. Before they could even order their meal, they were arguing and fighting like they hated each other's guts. The fight escalated, horrible words were exchanged and everyone left mad. A few even resigned to NEVER SPEAK to the other again.
As I watched, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed and sick to my stomach at their mistreatment of each other. I literally sat there wondering what in the world would ever make them say and do the things they were doing. I know reality tv is supposed to be "entertaining" but tearing one another up is not the way to wow an audience. Our world is cruel enough, don't you think?
Later in the episode, the women slowly pulled back together and one of them suggested in order to move forward that each person speak a positive word about the others around the table. It worked. Each woman ended up surrendering their hurt and anger once they began filling up the love tank of their "friends". Strangely, the one who started the game could NOT accept the love from her friends when it was her turn. She had to get up and leave the room. Her own feelings of inadequecy were too much to even take the compliments of her friends.
It's hard to accept love from others when you do not love yourself.
We live in a society that wreaks of unlovable people. But even more than that….we live in a society of unloved people. Not knowing or feeling the incredible power of being loved can be more destructive than a punch in the eye or a cancer. It festers inside like a fast growing bacteria and before you know it….we can become a destructive and dangerous person. Not only to one's self but to those around you.
How can we stop that kind of thinking? How can we move from hating who we are and feeling so low? How can we learn to be our own best friend?
Recognize your worth — Scripture is clear, we are made in the image of Christ. We aren't junk. Even buried deep in our pathetic sinful state, God still thinks us worthy. Why do we see it so differently? Because we use a measuring stick that isn't fair or accurate. We associate our mess ups with ruin. I believe that's why so many find it difficult to ever forgive themselves for mistakes. There again, self-destructive behavior runs rough-shod over loving yourself.
Praise YOU — Don't mix that up with NOT praising God. You are worthy, remember? So, instead of speaking negatively to yourself…..speak positive. Give yourself permission to be proud of your hard work, motives, decisions and behaviors. Find the good in something, every day and tell yourself….AWESOME JOB DUDE!!
Accept yourself — So, you don't have the body or the degree or the money or the best house or the most awesome kids….or whatever. Don't tell me you haven't used that measuring stick to decide your happiness level. I know you have, we all have. Satan's best moves involve encouraging us to COMPARE ourselves with those around us who seem way more blessed. Stop doing that! Accept yourself. Recognize that YOU ARE THE ONLY YOU around and celebrate that. You are more awesome than you think. So, be you and love yourself for who you are. I bet the ones who love you are already doing just that!
Stop carrying around toxic stories — Oh, I know you have them. We all do. Sometime, somewhere…someone either told you a toxic story about you or your family and you decided to carry it with you wherever you go for the rest of your life. STOP THAT! While you cannot change your past, you can stop punishing yourself for it. No more using the excuses that accompany all that sad baggage we stuff in our heart pocket.
Quit blaming — It's easy to be self-destructive when we can point fingers right at those we feel are responsible for our troubles. I promise you, if you don't forgive and move on….YOU WILL NEVER LOVE YOURSELF the way God wants you to love yourself. Stop blaming your feelings of inadequecy on your mother/father/grandparent/sibling/teacher/stranger WHOMEVER! It's a vicious cycle that you will not escape until you admit, "I'm okay, they're okay…it's going to be okay!".
Without acknowledging the self-destructive habits we have, we slip into behaviors that are damaging to who we are as children of God. Whether it be over-eating, under-eating (yes, that's a real thing), over-spending, promiscuous behavior, self-hate, chronic beating yourself up, depression, doomed thinking, grouchiness, prickly personality… and the list goes on. You know your vice, right? Whatever it is, you must decide to remove it from your life. Stop punishing yourself for something someone said to you or did to you in your past!
Do it and start loving yourself, today! It will be the start of a friendship that will never let you down. I promise!
