Queenies Little Kingdom

Well, it happened!  I had my birthday.  It was THE BEST birthday ever too.  My family spent the whole weekend together and I loved every minute of it.

It doesn't even bother me that I'm a whopping 48 either.  Who cares?  I've lived a great life and seeing a number that high doesn't faze me anymore.  Being in your 40's brings out the best in a person (I think).  It's not a big deal to be something you're not at this age.  I've been married since I was 22, a mother since I was 23 and I've had a million different life lessons along the way that have molded me into who I am – today!

I'm surrounded by love….crazy love, somedays.  But, it's real love not the fake manufactured kind.  I woke up this morning (after my hubby & son left for Texas) and found a sweet love note written on my bathroom mirror.  Even though I'll see them in less than a week……I felt the love he was sending — just for me.

I couldn't be more blessed. 

Lord,

Your love for me is deeper than any love I could ever brag about from my family.  Still, you gave me the greatest reminder in each of them just how special YOU THINK I am.  Thank you for another year of life.  Help me to love with a heart like yours.

Amen

I've waited all day for UPS. 

All.

Danged.

Day.

If you remember, I got a special little gift for my 25th wedding anniversary LAST MONTH?!  And today is THE DAY that it is supposed to arrive.

My hubby nearly killed us both driving into the wee hours this morning in order to get us home from Texas.  He wanted to be back for work…….I wanted MY RING!!!

So, I've done as much cleaning and unpacking as I can stand in order to pass time for when that doorbell rings.  I also faced the music and organized and paid bills.  Being away for over 2 weeks means stacks of mail and tons to sort and throw away. 

It's 4:58pm and I'm still waiting…..

Will he deliver today?  That is the question.  I feel like a kid with a pile of presents under the tree.

I CANNOT WAIT much longer!

There are so many great views in the world….but Texas, Texas has some of my favorite.

Big skies, breezy winds and rolling hills.

….and my favorite guy!

We took advantage of some free time on Sunday and had a little photo sesh!

Since moving to Indy and getting a big nice new office…..we haven't had the time nor the right items to decorate it.  We love all the elements of Texas and because of how much of our time it takes up….we thought capturing pictures of us, there, would be special!

One thing leads to another with us though…

….going in for it!

And the kissers, kiss!

See why I like being in Texas?  My favorite flirt is there!

Starting over with a hair dresser is torture.  That's a relationship outside of family that mimics a close knit friend or sister, usually.  I loved Sheila, my last beautician.  She took care of me and did whatever I asked for.  She also cut and styled all of my kids hair.  Nothing was ever impossible for her.  She just made magic and we always had fun when we went to her salon.

I've been in a sort of salon funk ever since I moved to Indy.  It's a huge decision finding a hair magician replacement.  Indy is of course a bustling city full of amazing and talented hair peeps.  I just couldn't take the step to find someone new.

Call me wimpy!  I deserve it.

However, I'm in Texas.  Texas has it's own small town vibe (at least where I'm at, it does).  Cause, I'm in a real small town and it feels just like home.  So, I decided to get brave and seek out a hair salon for a cut-n-style.  Luckily for me, one of the greatest team members we have at the ranch is a "local" gal and she had a fantastic recommendation.

Janeen's Country Cottage.  Doesn't that just scream, "Come git yer harr done?"

I stopped in last week for a walk-in hair cut.  Janeen was too busy but suggested one of her other girls, so I took her offer.  While she was cutting my hair, I told her about wanting to do highlights.  I also told her how afraid I was of looking funky.  I wanted the color to be subtle and natural looking and she assured me it was an easy fix.

So, I made an appointment for Monday morning.  I knew if I didn't do it quick….I'd cancel and never go through with it.

I'm really glad……I did it.

 My fear was wasted.  I loved how she listened to me and did exactly what I wanted.

Guess who's feeling sassy?

I love it!

I feel it's time I fess up.  For years, I mean a very looooooong time…..I have done all my own coloring.  I'd cut it too (IF I COULD) because I'm that frugal when it comes to my hair.

Sad, I know.

But after today's little adventure….I will take the time and spend the money on getting my hair done.  It was better than special!  And since my birthday is coming up next week…..I'm considering it my BIRTHDAY SPLURGE!!

So, happy birthday to me!  October 12th a bit early!

Now, I just have to plan out my trips to Texas for all my future hair appointments!

I'm having a moment here.  One of those…..Is that you Lord?  Are you trying to tell me something moments!

Ever have those?

I woke up early this morning minus my voice.  My throat felt like I swallowed a smoke bomb and never washed it down with any water.  Fire, burning and raw!  When I tried to speak it sounded like I was a yodler!

…..only not as cute as this duckling's yodle!

I hopped out of bed and made some breakfast for hubby and myself (I drowned down some oj for a hit of Vitamin C) and decided I'd relax a little before getting dressed to hit the town with friends later.  After thinking about it, decided I'd clean the bathroom and throw in a load of towels to wash.

After I was dressed to go….for the day!

That's when I picked up the bleach….

I'm probably not the only one to do this but I have a little conversation inside my head every single time I get near a bleach bottle.  No matter how spill proof they make the caps, I can splatter it somewhere it's not supposed to go.  Well, I talked it out in my head and decided I could pour it VERWY VERWY CAREWFULLY way down low into the washing machine.  That's when I heard the ploop and felt the splash!  

On my brand new black shirt!!!

I think I heard devils dancing!

Perhaps even making up rhyming songs about me liking clean  white towels!!

While I was getting my new shirt ready for the trash, I let my friend's 3 big yellow labs out to play!  I'm in the middle of a ranch so big ….. (more talking inside my head) that WHAT COULD HAPPEN?  They needed to potty and run for a bit, right?

5 minutes later…..only 2 dogs come back from their "run"!  The missing one?  The old sweet perfect precious deaf one!  GONE GIRL!

Here's her picture I snapped last night.  She also models on the side for birthday pics!

….and guess WHO has no vehicle?

I started walking & looking for her while the other two wild chicks danced around my feet, shaking off pond water all over me and my white shorts and ruined black shirt.  I can't yell because I have the voice of a smoking yodler and it won't matter because….she can't hear!

I called my hubby and asked him to come help me find her….

….and guess who else has no vehicle?

It's a dog eat dog world here at the ranch these days (when it comes to sharing vehicles!).  Which leads me to the last straw.  Old Teal, my lost dog friend….finally mosied her way back up the road (she decided to go check on all the calving mama cows THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION that her 2 buddies had explored).  I loaded the 3 amigos back onto the back porch and offered them all a chew strap for entertainment.  The last one to take the treat was Trapper.  Trapper is a new buddy to the two female labs.  He's not as trained as he could be.  As I handed him his chew, he clamped down on my hand so hard I thought he was going to eat my whole hand.

OUCH!

So, here's my moment.

Sore throat, headache, lost dog, no ride, bleach ruined black shirt…..chomped hand!

I'm just wondering…..what else?

Pushing on, y'all!  Pushing!

How do you feel about you?  Do you see yourself as confident and sure?  Or do you tend to hide out and slink back from situations that put you in the spotlight?

Studies show that having an encounter with something that negatively strikes our personal sensitivities fires up a defense mechanism that causes us to use self-defeat and self-destruction as a go-to form of coping….. which is a fancy way of saying we have a "little" — insecurity!

Every single person has something…..an experience or circumstance that wounded or twisted something inside them and filled that little secret spot with low self-esteem or self doubt.  For some, that insecurity causes so much stress and discomfort that it becomes debilitating.

So, what do you do if you have a low self-esteem?  How do you function in all the many circles that the world has for us?  Life is not going to stop just because we feel weird in certain circumstances!  What can we do…..to make it?

IDENTIFY  — Identify WHAT IT IS that triggers your insecurity!  It could be something easily remembered or something that you've pushed way down in your heart.  Find out what it is and why it made you feel so crummy.  Everybody has a story.  The middle school years hold an ocean full of troubles for many adults who struggle with insecurity.  What happens to us….affects us, forever.  Figure it out and pray about it … using scripture!

REACT  —  Make a decision to NOT react in a negative way to yourself when facing situations that cause your mind self-doubt.  Choose, ahead of time, how to positively reinforce GOOD THINKING instead of doom!   A good practice?  Write down 10 positive qualities about yourself!  Or better yet, ask a friend (a good one) to list 10 qualities about you that they like.  It can be your GO TO place for affirmation!  I use to tell my students, "One put down equals two put ups!".  If you think or say something negative about yourself…..you'll need to come up with two good qualitites!

AVOID  —  Don't go where you feel most vulnerable!  Sounds easy to say, huh?  If hanging out in certain groups of people bring you to a point of no return, stay away.  Now, I don't recommend skipping work (Ha!) but learning to strategically choose your places of social interaction can help with confidence.  Don't beat yourself up either!  It's ok to not hang out where you are uncomfortable!

I don't have the keys to the confidence kingdom, really!  I do however run in circles that cause me to doubt my own awesomeness ALL THE TIME!  I catch myself saying silly things like, "Who are you?  You're not as successful as SO & SO!  You don't have this or that!".  When the reality is that the people I'm around could care less about those things.  They're my friends for other reasons and my insecurities have no place in our friendship.

The mind loves to toy with us, doesn't it?

And finally, if any of these techniques doesn't help you….find a friend who will pray you up and love you just like you are.  You probably have a few of those doing just that already.  Learn to lean on them when you are at your lowest.  Nothing in this world is worth feeling like a loser over.  Ever!

YOU ARE WORTHY!!!  YOU ARE AMAZING!!!  

Go, live like that!