Queenies Little Kingdom

I know, my last post might have seemed a little rude.   Perhaps,  I was a bit mean.   I just can’t help but feel annoyed with people trying to portray their lives as picture perfect.

No one has it all.   No.  One.

I feel it’s my duty to call out the sexy pouty duck lip posers too.

What in the…….world?

Seriously.   Who looks at that ridiculous photo and says, “Oh my gawsh! That girl is gorgeous!”?

Sorry friends, but it’s not a good look.   Ever.  As in, never ever ever!  You look foolish.  You appear vain.  You seem attention starved.  You are not sexy!

So, my question is…….WHY?

Why in the world are you posing like this?  You are way too beautiful to click tacky pics like this and share them on Facebook,  Twitter and Instagram.

Smile,  for goodness sake!!!!

Don’t be afraid to be beautiful!

I've always tried to BE REAL here on my blog.  I try really hard to do the same on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  My life, isn't glamorous!  My marriage, isn't perfect!  My kids, are real young adults with real world struggles!  Our lives, are normal!

We struggle with sin!

We look awful (sometimes)!

We make huge mistakes (sometimes)!

We forget WHOM we're representing (sometimes)!

We drop the ball!

We argue!

We march to our own drums!

We don't always look PICTURE PERFECT!

Our moments aren't all Pin-worthy!

We are real people!  And so are every one of you reading my blog.  I know that, you know that and GOD KNOWS THAT!

But why?  Why do we all believe that we have to be amazing?  All the time?

The world is constantly in our faces telling us that in order to matter we have to be perfect in every way.  Our style, our finances, our awesome houses & cars…..our whole lives have to be incredible and picture-perfect or else….we are just ORDINARY!

Well, guess what?  I don't care!

I'm so sick of seeing people posting PERFECTLY posed pictures of their lives.  Stop the pretending!  Your life is just like mine.  Complicated one day and kicking cool the next!  The world needs real!  Real people….living real lives outloud for everyone else to see.

Who do we think we're impressing anyway?

God could care less about our cute little magically posed photos!  He sees the heart!  He knows we're desperately trying to impress others.  Want to know what's really important?

Impressing God.

What if?  What if we took the time to show HIM off?  What if our efforts to impress were all about him?  Not us!

Next time you're arranging furniture (cause I know….every snap of your family doesn't come without some straightening up in the backgroud) or looking for the perfect angle. Ask God, who am I really trying to impress here?

Lord

I never want to be superficial to anyone.  But more than that….I never want to be a fake to you!  I need you and I want to show you off to everyone.

Amen

My hubby and I went car shopping over the long weekend.   It was a fail.  We ended up folding on the deal.  The entire buying process is a game.  I’m convinced there are smart ways to buy a new car and the smartest,  writing a big fat check.

Yes, we almost bought a truck!

Car payments make me queasy!  Especially,  big giant payments.

I have a great car!  I don’t have to drive a jalopy!  But……it’s a car!  I’m not a car person.   For the last 25 years I’ve driven big tall vehicles.   I love having 4 wheel drive and a ton of space for people, junk and more.

But, I’m not desperate.   I told the very nice salesman that in the past,  we might have jumped on that ridiculous payment.   Our old age and years of learning the hard way have taught us a thing or two about instant gratification.

That sweet high?  Goes away once you’re into paying the fat budget sucking payments.   I don’t want that dreadful feeling.   I like to shop way too much!

So, were back to waiting.

I believe,  it will be worth it.

Tell me, are you patient and disciplined?  Are you able to hold off on your wants or do you speed right out and grab what you want?

Lord,
I don’t want to race ahead of you.  Help me to wait……for every blessing.
Amen

I'm the least qualified person to give out love advice.  However, I do love someone special and for the last 25 years I've spent a lot of time trying to make our marriage one to be proud of.  Not every moment has been awesome…but pretty close.

In a world where relationships are temporary or disposable…….holding it together might be an art form that we all should consider improving.   This is the first year we've ever spent long amounts of time apart.  Never have we had to worry about going to sleep at night in a bed without the other person there.  I think that's pretty awesome.  But times (and jobs) have changed.  Life doesn't come with guarantees, things happen…..circumstances change, people grow, opportunities arise and you do what you have to do.

So, how do we keep love alive?

I really don't know.   What I do know is that it takes continual work.  There are NO days off in marriage relationships.  Every single day is one more chance to invest in the mate you've chosen.    This means everything I do needs to be intentional.   Choosing to love someone is personal and it takes a bit of customizing to pull it off successfully.

Ever met a couple that couldn't get along, ever?    Cut down's flowed easily between them?  Vengeance and paybacks were their go to habits?

That isn't love.  Ever.

While all marriages have difficult seasons,  purposeful hurting is never good and only chips away at trust and companionship.   Who wants to be loving to a person who is rude, hurtful or unkind?  No one.

I have a few ideas on how to make love last.

1.  Die to self.

The chances of you marrying someone you never disagree with are very slim.  You can pretty much bank on not seeing eye to eye on something……sometime or another.  Don't live in a constant state of trying to get your way.  Be smart, give in or compromise when you're at a crossroads of disagreement.   Do it with a positive attitude too.  Being mad and pouty (or silently seething) doesn't count when giving in.

2.  Give more than you take.

This means just what it says.  Don't add up what you've done against what your spouse has done for you.  Each of us have a great capacity for being martyrs in our own mind.  That kind of game playing opens our hearts to resentment.   If you're married……you have felt resentful at some time or another.   If you're honest, you can probably admit……it didn't feel very peaceful.  Be willing to give without getting something in return.

3.  Be intimate.

Hug, kiss, touch, tease…..and more as often as you can.  Many of us (women mostly) forget that WE are our husband's fantasy girl.   Each of us have the power to fulfill his every dream, yet too often we ignore his biggest needs.  Husband's NEED physical touch, they need to feel desired, they long to know you are satisfied by their love and they soar or crash by how we treat them intimately.   Behind every great man – is a loving and fulfilling woman.

4.  Love each other's family.

This can be challenging when a family is unhealthy.   Not every person has their stuff together.   Learn not to take that out on one another.   Many couples spend enormous time fighting over extended family.   It never stops unless you choose to protect one another from the dysfunction of those outside of your marriage.   Be fair, be open, be a united team.

5.  Speak honestly.

It can be very tempting to keep your real feelings to yourself.   Especially when your spouse flips out over the slightest mention of an issue.   Don't be that person.  Give permission to be honest and learn to appreciate when your love shares the hard stuff with you.  Truth can heal.

6.  Share your time.

Don't ignore one another.  Do things together,  share moments,  go on dates.  Being together strengthens your relationship.   Do fun stuff, projects or home improvement jobs as a team.  When my hubby and I were dating, we would go out late at night car shopping/dreaming….it was a fun escape to our reality.  We still like to sneak out at night and do fun things.  One of our faves is riding our bikes.

7.  Put each other ahead of children or family.

Trust me,  it will never work if you get this out of order.   Time passes, kids grow up and leave…..family is family and not your first priority, your spouse is.  It's scriptural.

8.  Try something new.

Many couples get in ruts.  While routines are somewhat necessary, don't miss the chance to shake things up a bit.  Go places you've never gone,  learn a new skill, start an exercise or sport.  Do things that make you feel better.

9.  Pray together.

Openly praying together is powerful.  It strengthens your personal relationship as well as your faith.  Life is guaranteed to send you some struggles, fight them together with God.

10.  Be dedicated, fully.

Marriage should be a forever decision.  Don't live as if it is replaceable or optional.  Every day make the decision to be completely dedicated to your spouse.   It gives them the confidence to be the spouse you really need.   Tell them often, they are your whole world. 

Maybe you're very happily married……or just miserably skimming by.  Whichever the case, you can make the love you feel for one another a top priority.   It simply takes a little effort.   You owe it to yourself and your spouse to make your marriage the best one in your circles.

Make the choice to make love last!

You don't need me to tell you this, but…..not everybody is going to like you in this life.  It's just the way the world spins.  Some people will see you as a threat, some will see you as a flake and other's (HOPEFULLY LOTS OF OTHERS) will see you as the amazing person that you are!

No person goes through life without a few haters along the journey.  Ask any teenage girl, adolescence is the training ground for mean girls syndrome.  Too bad, not all mean girls outgrow their meanness.

I feel it's my 47 year old duty to tell you…..they don't REALLY hate you!  They hate what you remind them — that, they are not.  Something deep inside of them longs to be or have whatever it is that irks them the most about you.

So, keep shining girl!

You're not on the same level.  So don't let them steal your joy and certainly never give up your shining personality.  Someone else is (always) watching and wondering just how strong you're going to be in the middle of your adversity.

This doesn't mean there won't be days that you want to curl up and cry.  People can be really cruel.  Your worth is NOT wrapped up in what they say.

Those who make it their mission to hurt or tear other's down….always long to be more like you (the one's they target).  Don't give up.

Keep on being you.  The you that you are…

You are worthy.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.