Posts Tagged ‘criticize’

4 Sure Ways To Make Your Kids Resent You

Friday, December 7th, 2012

I've had my share of rotten mom moments.  I've been a real dud and I've rocked it like a rockstar!  Over the last 22 years, I've picked up on some real dangers in parenting.  It's often said that kids are pretty pliable and I agree.  But why risk sabotaging your relationship with them just because of some thoughtless behaviors or words?  I love my kids and I bet you do too….so, I've come up with some sure-fire ways that wreck it all and make your kids resent you.  

Here's what NOT TO DO.

CRITICIZE.  It's so easy to do and not only do we criticize our kids but we take it a step further and pick on their friends, friends parents and even strangers.  Bet you didn't know….your kids dislike your negative vibe!  Don't be a jerk.  Show lovingkindness and for what it's worth speak words of affirmation.  THEY ARE LISTENING!!

BE LAZY.  I'm not referring to leaving the dishes piled in the kitchen sink, although….kids do feel safe when they know parents care about house & life responsibilities.  Teach them to help out with chores.  I mean, don't throw out empty threats.  Follow through with every teachable moment.  Nothing says my parents are push-overs more than lazy parenting.  Get up and discipline, every single time there is a need for guidance.

GIVE THEM ALL POWER.  I see this all day long.  Kids behaving any old way they please.  No fear of anyone (adults, that is) and certainly not being held accountable for poor behavior.  It's so sad.  On the news tonight, a teen girl was killed in a nearby town because she was running with the wrong crowd.  Parents owe it to their kids to boss them around and SAY NO!!  Teach your kids to respect others!

MOCK GOD.  One of the biggest indicators of trouble (that I've experienced with teens) is a complete lack of spiritual guidance.  It's often a big joke to love God and especially to want to follow Him in a Biblical lifestyle.  Teaching kids to trust Him and obey Him is essential but even better than that is HAVING A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST YOURSELF!!  Nothing influences a kid more than to have a parent who genuinely loves God and shows it in their everyday life.

I'm a mom who's looking at 11 more days of high school for the baby of my family.  I don't get anymore second chances.  The foundation has been set and the product is nearing the end of the assembly line.  I'm grateful that I started the whole deal out with a determination to honor God with my parenting.  While I haven't done a perfect job….I'm happy to say that in spite of me, God has blessed me with great young adult kids.  Do I have regrets?  Oh you bet!  I see some of my mistakes as growing opportunities, not just for me…but for each of them too.  My prayer is that they would know without a shadow of a doubt, that my love for them is solid & neverending!

So, tell me….what are some ways that you think kids feel resentment?

Good Parenting Pays Off

Monday, January 9th, 2012

What is it with people and Tim Tebow? Why is it that no matter where you turn someone is criticizing this kid? It’s even reached the point of fellow Christians being mean-spirited about the guy. Seriously? What is the deal?

What has he ever done TO ANYONE to deserve all the ridicule and cruelty?

I’m so tired of the world glamorizing the “sins” of popular celebs and athletes. How much money is spent on reality stars (like the Kardashians, Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Jersey Shore etc) to bring their wild dysfunction and filthy moral habits into our living rooms?

I’ll tell ya, A BUNCH!

Yet, we blast and make fun of a GOD HONORING young man — Tim Tebow. I crack up every single time I hear the football announcers go on and on about his “abilities” or lack thereof. Really? Then I watch his games and he plays with all his heart and physical ability and many times wins!

I think I know what the problem is, he reminds us of what we are not. It’s easier for most of us to retaliate and smart off when someone challenges us or cuts us down. Tim Tebow was raised to be forgiving. He grew up on the mission field, really serving the least of our world. He knows what a privilege every single blessing he has in his life REALLY IS. Do you or I?

Bob & Pam Tebow have worked and still do today in the very trenches that many Americans wouldn’t dare walk. All in the name of sharing Jesus Christ with those who need Him. They aren’t serving Christ for show or for large monetary bonuses. For some, this sounds unbelievable. Who thinks of other’s more than themselves? Not too many of us.

I’m thankful for people like the Tebow’s. They’ve done an outstanding job of raising a great family (Tim’s just the baby, there are 5 Tebow children) and preparing them for the world. It’s an honor to see the fruit of their labor. As a parent, we wonder if our kids “get it” when we’re training them up. Seeing what the Tebows have done should give us all hope.

I don’t care if my kids grow up to be famous or athletic, rich or poor–what really matters the most to me is that THEY HONOR GOD with their lives and that they live OUTLOUD FOR CHRIST.

Kind of like, Tim Tebow does everyday.

Thanks, Dude!

Train Em Up

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

Some of my greatest lessons have come by way of parenting my children. You’d think I would have this gig down by now. It seems like I’ve been in a perpetual parenting training class since 1990. Maybe that’s what parenting is all about.

Learning something new, everyday.

I’ve made so many mistakes along the way and my hope is that once my kids fly the coop they’ll see….this ain’t no easy job! Fingers crossed, ya’ll!

One of my biggest downfalls has been my desire to indulge my kids with my care. Every parent does that to a point. Right? But I think maybe I went overboard a little. I’ve created lazy people.

I’m ashamed. So bear with me while I share.

I never wanted my kids to deal with any of the stuff I experienced growing up. I know it’s tough raising kids. I’m not here to bash or criticize my mother. But I hoped to improve the skills that I grew up under and to be a mom that loved unconditionally.

So, why should I be surprised that my kids EXPECT to be taken care of? Afterall, I’ve trained them to be that way. Some would call it lazy others might say spoiled. I’m sticking with cheated.

Whether hubby and I meant to or not, we cheated our little darlin’s out of some very important life training. Chores and helping out around the house never killed anyone (that I know of). What I’ve created is bums.

Now for those of you reading that actually know my kids…..please understand when I say these things. I’m not trashtalking my good kids, I’m simply pointing out how important it is to teach your kids to work.

I have a neighbor that has this figured out. From the time his kids are able to hold a rake in their little hands, he has them out helping in the yard. I can see clearly that they make their youngin’s do chores from my kitchen window. It’s a running joke over at my house (THE HOUSE OF LAZE-MAZE). I’m not laughing anymore.

I’ve come up with some MUST KNOWS that parents should teach their kids if they’re to make it outside of our safe little homes.

1) How to cook 3-5 complete meals.
2) Money management. How to make it, save it, tithe it, spend it & share it!
3) Laundry. Sort, wash-dry-fold-put away!
4) How to load & unload the dishwasher. And what to do if you don’t have one.
5) Bathroom etiquette. How to clean it top to bottom.
6) Ironing. This is almost a lost art. Don’t wear smushed up stuff, people!
7) How to pump their own gas (I don’t do this for my kids, really).
8) Car maintenance. Tire changing, checking oil, repair lights lit & washing.
9) Medicines. What to take for what ails ya!
10) How to sweep & vacuum a house, porch, tent, vehicle.

Of course there are many more skills kids should know but this is a good starting point. Life is rough and unless you have hired help OR MAMA’S to do everything for you–you need to know how to do the basics. I’d love to hear your take.

Parents join me—let’s agree to do the hard stuff and give our kids more responsibility. Our future son & daughter-in-law’s will thank us! 😉

PS–I feel the need to add a disclaimer here. I have amazing kids. They are SOULED OUT Christians dedicated to obeying and following Christ. Each of them have made good choices with their lifestyle and behaviors. I’m more than proud of the decisions they make on a daily basis to take the road less traveled. All three of them are leaders and good ones at that. I’m beyond blessed to call myself their mother. God has been so good to me to share such wonderful kids with me.

It’s my mistakes that I’m pointing out here. They are just by-products of my helicopter parenting. A lesson I’ve learned…the hard way.