Queenies Little Kingdom

It is never a good idea to spill your thoughts when you're hangry (angry & hungry at the same time).  This morning has not gone anything like I thought it was going to go.  I had big plans.  Since I'm off from school, I had intentions to enjoy my morning coffee in my smokin' hot hottub and then to leisurely color my hair all while singing to the top of my lungs with Pandora!

Uhm, but no.  None of that happened.  Life never goes as planned.  You'd think…..I'd have learned that by now.

I woke up early to a text from my hubby that he sent at around 3:30 am (I slept through that part) asking if I could OVERNIGHT his medication to him.  The same medication that I asked him if he packed right as he was walking out the door on Sunday morning.  The medication that gives him the oomph he needs to GET OUT OF BED and think straight!  Also the same medication that keeps him on task and out of harms way of everyone around him.

HE CANNOT GO WITHOUT THIS MEDICINE!

I jumped into action and blazed a trail to the post office.  After 15 minutes of phone calls by the post master (and a line gathering behind me) searching for the fastest delivery drop off location near us…..he asks me if I'm at Fed Ex!  WHAT!?!  Who said to go there?  I don't even know where to find a Fed Ex!  So, I take the package back from the post master who is just about to swipe my card for payment and squeal my wheels out of the USPS parking lot.

Cause you know…..emergency!

Have I mentioned that I haven't had a drink of anything yet?  No water, no coffee…I haven't brushed my teeth and I have no idea what my hair looks like.  I do have on a bra and real clothes.  However, some coffee might have aided me in my adventure.  Hindsight, y'all…..hindsight!

I take off for Michigan Ave. because I know that there HAS TO BE some quick mail system somewhere on this busy highway.  I call the "culprit" and ask if he knows WHERE I should start my search to get this prescription mailed overnight and he of course, gets snappy!  Not the right response!  Really.  I'm only trying to help!  He suggests an Office Max not far from his office.

And that's how he died.  Kidding.  He's still alive.

I pull in and find the most helpful employee who HOOKS ME UP with the overnight express and I swipe my card for a whopping $44.02 that ensures me he will have his magic pills by 4:30 pm tomorrow afternoon!

I may have issued a small threat along the lines of —-> "They better NOT leave that drop-off location with this bottle of Adderall still in their truck!!!"

Yes, I paid to mail drugs to my ADHD husband.  And you would too if you understood how desparate it is that he have them.  Would I rather spend $44 somewhere else?  Heck yes!  That's a delicious meal of good mexican food out on the town!

Marriage is about going the extra mile, right?

Maybe we're best described as opposites.  We like all the same things….but don't.  You know, the salty sweet combo?  We're like the fries with the frosty, the chocolate with the peanut butter, the night owl and the morning person…..the liberal and the conservative (ok, not us).  But, you get the idea —  We are diff.er.ent! 

Perhaps we're like the moth to the flame.  We just can't help it.  We cling to all that makes us crazy with regards to one another.  He doesn't like the way I do things or make decisions and I can't understand most of his methods of survival either.  Yet, we love one another and long to be together when we're apart (maybe not today so much).  Our hearts are joined, forever.

I don't know about other relationships but I've spent long enough in mine to know….some days are challenging!  I love my hubby but when I have to backtrack an oversight and it's a costly endeavor, it pushes my buttons hard.  Like, push push push on the elevator door button hard!

So, I'm going to file this morning back in the folder of FORGET ABOUT IT's! 

Because who knows…..I may need his help next time!  Give….take!

Sandpaper friends, we've all got them.  That person who never fails to rub us wrong with their negative words.  The one who can bring us down with just a simple conversation……and we let them, every time we see them!  They complain or they lash out when it really isn't necessary and they hurt the people around them without ever thinking of the consequences. They find fault, whine about injustices and KNOW EVERYTHING!  All the time.

I wonder…..what if every one of us filtered our words through these 3 questions?  Just how much sweeter would we be?  Or how much more tolerable would we become to those who find us a little scratchy?  I know me, I can be a jerk!  I have moments where I can't even tolerate myself.  I want to walk away from my attitude and critical spirit.  I imagine those around me want to do the same when I'm in full-on sandpaper mode.

The cold hard truth is this…..

If I'm speaking out in a way that is hurtful to others, something isn't right in my heart.  Maybe it's jealousy or possibly I'm just feeling wicked.  Whichever, it is… it's clearly a condition OF MY HEART!

I've noticed that people say a lot of "out there" comments online.  The ability to hide behind a computer screen has given many the courage (or foolish thinking) that what they say is fair game online because the chances of being face-to-face are pretty slim.  However, what we say online or anywhere else always has ramifications.  Our words have power! 

I won't sugarcoat this…..

If you cannot be kind, be quiet!  Just hush!

Stop spewing your meanness!  When your brain tells you that your negative opinion must be shared……be the bigger person and stop that thinking immediately!  It could save you a ton of heartache and certainly spare those around you from feeling your gritty words!

Some people just want to be mean.  I realize this because I see plenty of hate-filled comments/writing all over Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and blogs.  It's a shame! 

Maybe we could all try a little harder to….

Think positive

Speak kindly

Encourage others

Be friendly

Love the unlovable

Lord,

My words can be scratchy at times.  Help me filter out what I say and write so that others will be encouraged.  I know that what I say…..either builds up or tears down.

I want to be a kinder me.

Amen

This post goes out to all of you who suffer from the "I don't know's! ….the "I'm not sure's!" ….and the "I can't (s)!"

It's NOT true!  So, stop believing it!

Get up and do something, right now!  Life isn't going to hand you anything!  You're going to have to work, struggle and sacrifice to make great things happen in your life.  Each of us were eternally designed by an amazing creator who placed great hope inside of us…..

And HE is EXPECTING great things out of you and me!

Trust me, if you're just squeaking by in life……you are wasting away!  Make today the day you change gears.  No more sitting idle!  Move on up and grab what is out there waiting for you!

You were meant to live for SO MUCH more!

Happy Friday!!

It's my first day back to school!  I was in Texas when the real first day bell rang for the new school year.  This is the first year in many that I didn't have to face back to school jitters or the insomnia that attacks the night before school starts. I was sleeping like a baby when all my friends were tossing and turning!

But I'm back. Subbing my way through another school year.

I woke up early this morning and started the "get ready" process.  While I was in the shower,  I heard the rumbling of thunder and remembered…..I parked my car outside last night.  Major bummer!  And my umbrella……is in the trunk! 

This is real life!

The cruddiest part of a rainy day for fine-haired ladies like me??

Is the HAIR!

I spent way too much time hot rolling and styling my 1/2 inch gray roots only to walk outside and have it go straight to FRIZZville!  Listen!  When I say FRIZZY……….

I am not exaggerating!  A finger to the light socket couldn't do more frazzling!  I'll be completely vain and dramatic here too.

I do not look good in frizzy hair!

I appear all tired and stressed out and for honest measure,  a bit haggard! 

So, I have no intentions of sticking out the bad hair day without a fight.  I'm going right for the messy bun and praying no one notices my sad insecure hair issues on my first day back!!

Still, it won't stop my thoughts of…….I curled my hair for this? 

Danged humidity!!!!  I could probably write a country song!

Money has never been more of a "thing" in my family's life than it is right now.  Over the last 25 years, our finances have gone from really tiny (newlyweds livin' on love) to non-existent (seminary days)….to even barely gettin' by (ministry livin').  But that's not the case these days.  Measuring our current money makin' abilities to our past blows our minds!

How did we live on such a small amount of moola with 3 kids?

We've always made it, somehow.  I believe that every family learns to alter their lifestyle to fit their income.  For us, we didn't lavish our kids with tons of expensive items.  They did not have all the latest "anythings" — video game consoles, clothing, toys, decorated bedrooms or special trips.  We just couldn't afford it!  We used coupons for favorite cereals (because, that was a big deal), we picked one special item on Christmas lists, we bargain shopped for 'must have' items and we didn't buy anything we didn't have to have.  I admit, visiting friends houses sometimes bothered us when the many choices of video games equaled more than what any kid really needed.

But….I'm glad we didn't have the money to blow on over-indulging our kids.  That kind of spoiling is oftentimes, irreversible.  Oh, listen to me.  I almost sound as though my kids aren't spoiled!  Haha!  Hehe!  Oh me oh my!  I crack me up!

They are spoiled!  But in all the best ways (and well, okay….some bad ways too!).

This past weekend, we sat down as a family and brainstormed about all of our futures.   Making money and spending money seem to be much easier than saving money.  For each of us, we needed a plan.  Hubby and I are facing the reality that retirement is closer than ever and all three kids (who are chipping away at college) are still pretty much on the parent payroll. 

Something has to give.

Our family is probably no different than most in that we're all trying to get ahead and make it in this world.  It's now that our kids need our support the most.  Each of them are at critical stages of life and if they can just hold on…..the future will be much brighter.  Remember struggling through college?  I hope so.  Everyone should struggle at least a little bit.  It makes the success so much sweeter!  Perhaps, that's why my hubby and I are so very grateful to not be poor like we were not so long ago.  The hard work & sacrifice remind us…..we did it!

But how long and how much should we give our young adult kids to make it?

We decided to approach the situation with a plan.  We gathered around the dining room table, handed out paper and pens….and (my hubby) gave out instructions: 

1.  Write 3-5 goals that you'd like to accomplish in 1 year.

2.  Write 3-5 goals that you'd like to accomplish in 5 years.

3.  Where do you see yourself in 1 year & 5 years?

4.  How can we (your parents) help?

5.  How can you reach each of your goals?

After everyone scribbled down their biggest dreams and wishes we discussed it all over fancy bottled cokes and icecream.  You know, a sort of salve for the burn thing.  It's not easy to sit down and plan your future.  It opens up the possibility that something could go wrong and that failure is a real and dangerous option.  Success takes work and commitment.  Every.  Single.  Day.

Planning is one of the best ways to put your future & finances into gear.  Otherwise, most of us end up spinning our wheels and making foolish decisions on just about every level.  For us, we really want to be able to retire…some sweet day.  The rough path we chose (so long ago) didn't lend itself to preparing FINANCIALLY for that to ever happen.  As it stands, my hubby will die working!

That's not what we want but that's our real life truth.

The meeting went well.  Even after my hubby handed out everyone's thick stack of bank account records with markers to check off NEEDS vs. WANTS.  The groans, excuses and the tears sounded eerily like the same ones hubby and I have moaned a million times after looking at our accounts.  There's a guaranteed stinger in facing your money demons.  Seeing your spending on paper……is like a slap in the face.  Ouch!

As I listened to each person reading their goals, I felt so inspired!  Every person had serious and attainable wishes listed and even had a plan as to how to get there.  My worries before the meeting were that everyone would be "stuck" without any idea of how to move forward.  They proved me wrong and encouraged me when I had big plans to be THE ONE DOING THE INSPIRING in the first place. 

Will our planning work?

I don't know.  The future is ours to see.  All I can do is stick to my commitment and hold the rest of my people to theirs.  The days are flashing by and the money it takes to live them….very tight.  If each of us do our part, success will be our biggest reward. 

What's your biggest goal for yourself in the next year ?  What about five years ?

Make a plan, Stan!  Then, stick with it!

I'm friends with girls and women of all ages and the one predominate thing they (we) all have in common are emotions.  Women come equipped with a boatload of emotions.  We feel with our whole being.  Everything we do and think is filtered back and forth through our heart and for the most part, heart for women equals head too.

The female brain is filled with emotion.  Our ability to make decisions, be who we are and to pursue love all come from inside our brains which are driven mostly by our emotions.  Now, don't hear me wrong….there are women who can stuff down their emotions.  They have mastered the ability to compartmentalize their feelings and learned to navigate decision making with logic and whatever else keeps them from allowing emotions to rule their life.

Many of us….are all mushy inside.  And if you are, it's okay!

Being emotional is normal.  Being a basket-case of emotions……not so normal.  At least, it shouldn't be.

It seems as though social media has become the place to vent our emotions.  Almost every day, I read posts by friends sharing their deepest feelings.  Some of them are so raw and painful.  People are truly hurting and I can't help but wonder….where does all this come from?  For some, life has thrown them for a huge loop.  Perhaps an illness or a family death.  Those moments stop us in our tracks and can send us seeking, oftentimes….online.  For others, it might be a love that's been lost or a love they are pursuing or just general searching for the acceptance they need in order to feel good about themselves.  Posting it online gives them the attention they might need for the validation they are seeking.

We have all searched at some time or another …. for something.

How do we get so caught up emotionally?  In relationships?  Jobs?  And life in general?

1.  Giving too much, too soon.

I see this all the time.  Girl meets boy.  Girl sleeps with boy.  Girl jumps all in and chases boy.  Boy pulls back.  Girl pursues harder.  Soon, girl is miserable.  Posts all her emotions online.  Girl then rides out a rollercoaster of emotions (and we all get a front row glimpse).  Result?  A wrecking ball of emotions!  Which then equal — shame, embarrassment (not always), guilt….frustration and depression.

2.  Living for the moment.

It's not uncommon now to live like YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE ( YOLO ) and to throw out the window any consequences of what could be painful to the heart later.  Stupid in the moment decisions often come back to bite us and many are living like it's not going to matter later.  Then, later…..they are left with a heap of hurt that could've been avoided if they had just thought it through a little more.

PS- For the Christian, YOLO doesn't even apply.  Real living…will be found in HEAVEN!  We are just passing through here, y'all!

3.  Basing all our happiness on others.

One of the best tools we can teach our children is how to handle their emotions.  When they are angry or frustrated instead of allowing them to flip out and have a tantrum, we can help them talk about what it is that's making them FEEL so upset.  Giving a name to what hurts or frustrates teaches them to own it, solve it and move forward from it.  Most of us walking around in society are trapped inside this emotional bubble and if those who are around us don't help…..we blame them for our unhappiness.  Even if they are contributors to our feelings, the way we handle it, is OUR problem!  Too many are living life based on how those around them make them feel.

4.  Living with a NO BOUNDARIES lifestyle.

The hard truth is that we all need boundaries.  Good & healthy boundaries keep us intact.  Think: we discipline our children and place boundaries on them for their own good.  If we don't proactively protect ourselves from that which we know to be bad for us….we will suffer every time.  I know what I can and can't do to avoid trouble and so do you! 

So, here's the deal.  If you are wrapped up so tight in your emotions that your happiness depends wholly on them….you might be in trouble.  Something is off kilter.  If I could give any advice — it would be to first ask yourself this question:

I mean it, does this emotion put me in a place to succeed or does it bring me down?  Knowing the answer to that question can make all the difference in how you react and ultimately how you feel!  For me, when I jump in and allow the emotion of the circumstance to overwhelm me….I am its slave!  I don't want to be held hostage and neither should you. 

Decide.  Will you be a slave to your emotions or will you be a victor?  The choice is yours.  Every single day.  And whichever you choose…….OWN IT!