Who hasn’t had an argument with their spouse? It’s impossible to live together and not disagree about something. If you’re human (and I know you are) you have experienced a frustrating moment in your marriage. Right?
This past weekend was a wingdinger for me. I’m ashamed to admit it but in order to live with myself, I feel it’s only fair for me to tell you–I’m human. Maybe something I say will help you in a situation that God wants you to resolve in your own life. If not, then you can just talk about me and pat yourself on the back for your own personal marriage victory! Either way, I’m spilling. 🙂
A peek into the flesh:
It started on Saturday. My husband and son were heading out to chop wood. Before they could start they needed to run to the store for a new ax-handle. I walked outside as they were leaving and noticed a speck of sunshine on the side of my house. Since I live in a wooded shady neighborhood, I decided to drag out 2 poinsettias that I’ve been babying since before Christmas. I mentioned to my son (Who is 21, by the way) that I was going to let them get a little sun while it was warm.
Fast forward to later in the day.
I had cooked up a hearty late-lunch for the guys and thought I’d let them know it was ready. I stepped out and said, “Hey it’s time to eat!” and then turned around to get my flowers. Except, there were no flowers. They were gone. I asked them — “Hey, where’s my flowers?”. With a funny smile on his face, my son says, “Dad had me throw them over the hill into the creek!”. I’m thinking, is he joking? Only, he wasn’t.
They threw my beautiful flowers over the hill to their death!
I say, “WHAT?” — “You threw my flowers away?” — “WHY?”
I can only hear mumbling from my hubby (he was cleaning inside his car) and my son is still standing there with a startled look on his face. I think to myself, “Have they lost their minds?”. Who throws away 2 beautiful plants that were freshly watered and set out for sun?
They never throw ANYTHING away and to prove my point??? The very next morning I came downstairs to watch tv and the living room looked like a FRAT PARTY had gone down the night before. There were several empty cream-soda bottles, coke cans, dirty plates and used napkins. Surely, someone felt compelled to “THROW IT AWAY” right?
Seriously!
Back to the discovery of my lost flowers. My son comes upstairs and starts to apologize for the mistake and I say, “Not yet, I’m really aggravated and do not want to discuss this now”. Next thing I hear is my husband’s angry voice and stomping up the stairs…then the mail flies by and the war was set into motion.
We have this fruitless 5 minute fussfest that ends with me in my room crying and him hiding out in his bathroom reading! I spend the next 24 + hours so mad that I can hardly speak to either of them. I mean, I’m stinking ticked!
Then, Monday rolls around and I have to go to school. But my heart…it’s still feeling all beat up and angry. I share with my friend Betsy all my woes and it hits me why I’m not over it. It wasn’t that the flowers were that important (even though they were pretty special) it was that I didn’t feel validated. I realized it was just a mistake (the throwing them away) and they’re guys, guys do dumb things. Often.
It was how he responded to my hurt feelings that did me in. I felt like I had no right to be upset (AND I DID). His outburst and frustration set me back even further. Instead of healing the wound it pushed the knife in even deeper. So, I harbored a grudge.
The rest of the weekend.
At school, I still felt the anger except the Holy Spirit stepped in to remind me that what was done–was done. No matter where I turned, I had a strange encounter with someone needing my forgiveness. A student, a fellow co-worker and even my daughter. It was the weirdest day ever. Finally, by the last block….I realized GOD WAS DEALING WITH ME and I better listen up.
What is it about words that cut right to the heart with just a single swipe? James 3:6 says, “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.” Oh, how often I’ve used my tongue to burn!
The good news is that I’m over it. I forgive my husband (& son) for the harsh words and the lost flowers. No strings attached.
FYI– When and if you make a mistake against someone? Don’t dismiss it or blow up defending yourself. It could possibly give the offended the wrong message. Fall on your sword, say you’re sorry and beg to make it right. If they hold a grudge….trash the living room like you had a FRAT PARTY! That’ll show em! 😉
