10 Things I Learned in July

August 5th, 2013

Most of July is a blur.  It was fast & furious in everyway.  I have a heart full of memories crammed into that 31 days.  I plan to cling to them as tight as I can forever. In spite of losing my mother….many happy things happened too.  As I've learned, life is too short to miss out on celebrating all that God gives us.

In July….I learned –>

Sparkly shoes can give your attitude a jolt!  Especially when strangers compliment you while trying them on at the store.  Now I just have to find somewhere to where these beauties!

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My uni-bomber daughter likes to get her comfy on while we speed through downtown Atlanta in the rainy weather.  Who does this?  I needed some support, kid!  Isn't she lovely?

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Cookouts with old friends & new make holidays way more fun!

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Mini Donuts might be my new obsession!  Thank you Jesus that there isn't one of these anywhere near me in Indiana.  So stinking good!

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People like to decorate their lovely beach-front yard in the weirdest of things.  Seriously?  Who has time to build such a masterpiece?  And so many?

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The world is a scary place.  But there are people who will stop on a busy interstate and help you!  IN THE BOILING HEAT TOO!

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Be careful how you ask for a "little" ranch dressing to go with your fried pickles at certain restaurants.  The manager might be a little silly and bring you this much.  It was a hard day and God must have sent this funny guy just to me.

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That I buy too many white pants.  I love them.  I can't stop myself!

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For 2 nights, Ms Gates and I shared that couch bed in my mom's hospice room.  Thankfully, some sweet nurses hauled in another couch for us to have our own bed on the 3rd night.  Gates still refers to our arrangements as luxury beds.

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My best friends from high school were there for me at my mom's funeral.  I didn't even have to call or ask.  Time doesn't erase true friendship love.  I can't get over how blessed I am with loving friends, everywhere!

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The hardest times in your life can also be times of great joy.  Strangely enough that's how it goes here on earth.  I'm deeply moved by the ways God worked in my life through July.  I had no idea how difficult letting go would be and God knew that….so He orchestrated special people and places just for me.

How could I ask for more?

E X C E S S

August 4th, 2013

I went shopping on Friday with my daughter and it nearly made me sick!  I kept thinking of all the things at my house and how much I want to downsize and clean out the clutter.  I couldn't justify buying anything else to add to my already bulging house.  I blame my mother.

This is one of many beautiful antique pieces of furniture I had to practically give away at my mother's house.  I sold it for $125.  Which turned out to be the common theme of my week there.

Give it away.

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I had so many favorite items that I wished I could bring back home.  This old oak hutch made it into my hubby's backseat.

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The experience of having to clean out my mother's life in a little more than a week was pretty traumatic.  I know that I will never be the same.  Not regarding losing her and certainly not when it comes to STUFF!

If I were to speak honestly about the situation and I really can't do anything except that….I'd have to label my mother a hoarder.  Her house was so full that when we left it on Saturday night at 11:00pm after selling her belongings all week plus 2 huge yard sale days, it was still full of stuff.  Good stuff.  Some of it items that I wished I could have.  I'm sure that I sold over 12 beautiful cake plates with lids.  Each spot in her house was decorated and her storage room was so packed up it went from the floor….to the ceiling.  The ceilings were 12 feet tall, by the way.

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Behind all that clutter is a ton of good stuff.  Furniture, photographs, more dishes than a neighborhood might need and Christmas decorations.  Plus anything else a person might want or need ever.  Seriously!

People came from everywhere.  She knew everyone and each person that came in would say how much they admired her taste and that she always had the most beautiful things.  They also shook their heads and said, "Oh my, YOU have your work cut out for you!".  What most of them didn't know was that we had been working, day & night for the whole week.  The house was small but it held enough furniture & collectibles to satisfy a few other families.

It was probably the most stress I've felt in a long time.

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I realized what this stuff must have mattered to her.  It was her life.  This is what made her happy.  Every antique cup & saucer, each beautiful piece of china and all the beautiful furniture, this is what made her feel safe.  She was most comfortable with "stuff".  That's not always a bad thing, really.  Except, that I knew her.  She only displayed it all.  She never used a single thing!  The multiple sets of dishes (16 place servings in each), the cabinets full of very fine china and enough Christmas decorations to beautify several homes made me physically sick.

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This is a glimpse of what was left late on Saturday afternoon.  It was at this point that we had to stop.  I called in an auction guy and he bought all that was left in her house for $150.  I wanted to cry but I was too dang tired to bother.

I'm convinced, STUFF WILL KILL YOU!

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Stuff will rob you.  It will take your peace away and leave you with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety!  No one can be happy with that much stuff cluttering their life.  I know for certain, no one is happy having to get rid of it all in just a few short days!  Especially in the boiling hot Florida heat.

I brought back home some special items from her house.  I tried to be very picky and extremely thoughtful in what I chose.  The whole situation bothered me so much.  I couldn't take anything that I knew I wouldn't use.  I refuse to live like that.  I watched my mother live a lifetime of holding onto stuff so tightly that she never enjoyed it for what it was.

The lesson for me is to only have what you love and plan to use. Then use it!

What we can all learn?

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August Shmaugust

August 1st, 2013

school stinks

I feel the same exact way my furry friend.   How sad that summer break is over in 5 short days!

What happened to all the freedom and fun?

Glass 1/2 full

Glass half full

GLASS HALF FULL, Y'ALL!!

Really, what's 180+ days of hustle & bustle?  Bring it on!

Over the next few days, I'll be running here and yonder trying to handle all the stuff that summer break gives you the time to do.  Hair appointments, dental work, doggy business and shopping!

I'm just grateful that I have a few days left…

No Place Like Home

July 30th, 2013

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The last few weeks have been some of the hardest days of my life, so far.  Looking back, I can't help but feel peace.  Even though my body hurts all over and my heart aches….I know that God doesn't make mistakes.

Now begins the healing process.

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I truly appreciate how special "home" can be.  Each trip there that I've made this last year was worth every penny and every minute spent missing my own family in Indiana.  I needed to be with my mom all that time and I'm so grateful that I had that chance.  She really thought she was going to be okay and so did I.

I'm from a small town in South Florida.  It's a great place!  It's funny how you don't realize that when you're growing up.  I've been married and gone from there for over 24 years.  That long time away hasn't changed how my heart feels about the people that loved me into who I am today.  So many visits, so many calls and all of it while I dismantled a lifetime of collecting and clinging to stuff.  I can't remember ever standing so long on my feet or having them hurt as badly as they did during the great "clean out"!  God sent so many people by to visit and made sure I captured a moment of grace by their willingness to share it.  Each hug, kind word, funny memory and sweet thought felt like a carefully applied salve to a gaping wound.

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Just when I thought I couldn't keep going…

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I am who I am because of this place and these people.  It's only fitting that the one who brought me up there allow me one more chance to feel what HOME really is.  Thank you, Mom.

Home is the place where everybody knows who you are and they love you just the same.  It's the place that you know you'll be accepted and where you'll be forgiven when you goof up.  It's also where you can wave at pretty much every car (cause someone you know is in it, for sure) and where one phone call equals everyone in town knowing you're in need.

There really is NO PLACE LIKE HOME! 

Lord,

I feel rich.  Rich in friends and family that love and care for me.  Thank you for the great care given to me by so many during the last few weeks.  I'm overwhelmed by the love and grace poured out on me.  That's a tiny glimpse of how much you love me.  Thank you.

Amen

Never Finished

July 19th, 2013

I'm doing things I don't want to do and I'm handling stuff that I don't want to handle.  Alone.

I have never felt so by myself before even having my youngest here with me.  The two of us are known in our family for being the "emotional" ones.

I keep thinking back to the moment my mother died.  Both Gates and I started to cry and the nurse who was a seasoned death escort hugged us and reminded us –> THIS IS JUST HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!

How could she know that I have a very loving and supportive husband back home in Indiana who would never in his life put me in a position of abandonment?  She didn't know anything other than God in His ways does what He does and never makes a mistake.

In just a few minutes I'm going to the funeral home.  I don't want to do it.  Haven't I been through enough?  This whole situation has been the biggest life challenge I've ever experienced and it's far from over.  

Last night I started cleaning out her clothes.  I couldn't look at them hanging there any longer.  I took over 5 large garbage bags to Goodwill and I still have plenty more to go.  My mother loved stuff!  She was happiest surrounded by her things.  She collected everything!  Dishes, antiques, bedding, clothes, furniture, other people's garbage and it's all piled up all over her tiny house.

I don't think I'll ever be finished here.

The lesson I'm choosing to learn most is to be prepared.  Death is near.  For each of us.  Have your life in order….not just your house, bills, insurance & stuff but your spiritual condition.  Be ready.  God only knows when you will leave this earth.  So have your heart ready….and then get all your stuff in order!

Goodbye Mama

July 18th, 2013

A person can only go so long keeping a lid on their emotions before they fall apart.  Today was the opening of the flood gates.  I couldn't hold it together when I realized how helpless I was on the side of the road with a flat tire.  I've managed to handle all that's happened with a tight grip but now I feel rather emotional.

My mother passed away late Monday night at 11:30pm.  She was only 64 years old.  Her independent life was stopped short by 2 different cancers and a failing heart.  I think I knew this would be the outcome when she first called me with the news of her colon cancer.  She was certain she could beat it.  I went along with her because that's the relationship we had.

She bossed.  I listened.  laugh

I think I've been walking around taking care of things in a numb shell.  Every once in a while the tears sneak up on me and the memories of her fill my brain.  Then I remember that she is gone. I will never see her on this earth again and I hate that.  I know all the "she's in a better place" thoughts.  It's true.  Nothing gives me more comfort than knowing she is in heaven now.  It was like a therapy for me to watch her dying and praising God along the way. She ministered to me in her death process.  

I didn't grow up with a Christian mother.  The night I accepted Christ as a young teenager, I couldn't even come home to share the good news.  I felt she would ridicule me and make hurtful comments.  So, I kept it all to myself.  It was a sad time in my life. I wished for years that she could know the peace and love of Christ.  It would take her longer to find Him than I'd hoped.  She had nearly died from a massive heart attack and almost lost her house in Hurricane Charley when God became a priority to her.  I'm so grateful for the ones who reached out and led her to the Lord.

This last month she could no longer sit up or use her arms and legs but I heard her whisper prayers and talk to God over & over while I sat by her side.  Each time I heard her speaking to a God that she clearly knew personally…..I felt stronger!  I felt braver!  i felt peace!

I have no doubt that she is at peace in eternity with God.  I don't have to hurt for her but it's only natural that I miss her and wish to speak with her one more time.  Mama's don't just exit your heart when they pass away.  I'm absolutely blown away that God orchestrated it the way He did and allowed me to be there with her when she took her last breath.  For an instance, I wanted to make her stop and stay….but I knew that wasn't my choice.

Only God makes the decision of who goes and who stays.

Goodbye, Mama.  I love you and I'll miss you.

Carol Sue Staton  July 6th, 1949 — July 15th, 2013