Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

The First 3 Rows

Monday, June 25th, 2018

If I were to ask you, “What are you doing with your life?” right this moment….how would you answer? Let me ask it another way, What are you living for? What gets you up out of bed and pushes you to do what you do? Why are you doing it? Are you simply on the treadmill of life, working a job every day…paying bills, waiting for that call to glory?

I only ask because so often many of us get trapped in this cycle of repetition and lose focus on the stuff that really matters in life.

As a woman, I’ve definitely relied on what the world has conditioned me to think was important for me and my life. I followed a plan. Not too risky, not too pathetic but just right as to not be judged or ridiculed by what society says is a worthy style of living. You know, tip-toe carefully around really living out loud.

Who wants to step on anyone’s toes? Not me.

From a graveside, I heard a gentleman describe his life in 10 year chunks. He was reflecting back on his relationship with his mother. She had been dead 10 years at this point and he reminisced about what life looked like when she was alive. He was B U S Y! He was on the hustle. He worked very long hours, he met with tons of clients and he spent hours on the phone with people who really have no connection to him or his life other than work. As he thought back, he realized most every person from that time period of his life were completely gone from his life. As in, no longer associated with through work or otherwise. They were gone. Not gone as in death, just gone. Many aren’t even in business anymore.

The person who mattered most to him during that time, his mother….she was gone too. Breast cancer ravaged her body and she passed away when he was 31 years old. He admits, he spent time with her and called her on the regular but many of those instances, he was pre-occupied or on the phone talking work. She always loved his visits, enjoyed every bit of him when he was around and was certainly understanding of work stuff.

Probably like many of you & me.

Work is work. It hogs up time. But, geez…we have to work. Bills don’t pay themselves. Not many of us are rolling around in dollar bills that afford us to just do whatever we want every day.

Truthfully? Even if we were able to do that, many of us would choose other things over the most important people in our lives anyway.

Imagine with me, if you passed away today….look at the first 3 rows of people sitting at your funeral. Who are they? Why are they there? Did you love them well? Did you give them your undivided attention and time? Do they know how much you loved them? Did you push them aside to chase other things? Things that don’t matter so much now?

I will tell you, the last 2 years of my life have given me such a different perspective on life. I never realized how much I took for granted until it was slowly yanked away. For me, no one I love passed away….only a job loss. Through that process, I’ve come to value the people in my life much more carefully than the pretty house, porch….flowers and freedom I once thought was so great.

Don’t misunderstand, stuff isn’t bad and neither is working hard a negative thing. Scripture is clear that we are to work and earn what we get in this life. The people in our lives, deserve to know how much we love them.

I see clearly the people in the first 3 rows of my life & death. They are there because of me. They loved me and I will make it my priority to make sure they know of my love for them. All the things of this world will pass away, so will the people. How well you and I love, how we’ve made others feel and the time we’ve invested will not fade away.

6 ways to show your first 3 rows people you love them:

1. Give them your time.

2. Be trustworthy.

3. Allow room for faults.

4. Speak up. Say meaningful words.

5. Forgive quickly.

6. Hug and hold tight. Physical touch is powerful.

Lord,
I’m here on this earth for a reason. Help me to show YOUR LOVE and my own love to everyone you place in my path.
Amen

Just the Tip

Monday, November 14th, 2016

iceberg

What you see isn’t always what you get.

The iceberg is a perfect example of that. Same goes for people.

What we allow others to see in us isn’t necessarily what’s at the root of who we really are. Most of us learned from a young age what to reveal about ourselves and what to hide.

So, next time you’re shaking your head about someone’s words or actions….think about what it is that you cannot see that propels them to be the way they are on the surface.

I’m going to live with the assumption that every person is fighting a hard battle that I know nothing about and offer them the grace that I hope someone would do for me.

It’s just the tip of the iceberg, right?

fighting

Day 1: How To SHOW Love

Monday, February 1st, 2016

love 4

I’m so excited to launch this LOVE challenge into orbit (or the internet) for the whole world to see. Over the weekend, I spent a lot of time back & forth in my head trying to come up with ways to keep it classy and yet turn up the burner in marriages everywhere. Especially, my own.

I won’t lie. It was mayhem.

My brain can be a complicated place for many different reasons. I store up piles of unnecessary thoughts and wonderings. I get on tangents and I zero in on the craziest ideas. The good thing is, I can do that and still blog about it with some good content. I hope, anyway.

Did you know you’re unique? You’re designed and detailed with the finest little teensy weensy specific characteristics that make you – YOU! That’s good. Really good. But, did you know that the person or persons you choose to love will more than likely be completely opposite of you? As in, DAY & NIGHT different?

Oh yea, it’s true and that can complicate relationships. But, it doesn’t mean it will doom them.

Loving someone very different than yourself is common. People are doing it all over this world and doing it well. The struggle comes when one or both of the persons have no idea what makes the other one tick. What do I mean? LOVE LANGUAGE.

We each speak a particular language. Dr. Gary Chapman killed it with his book The 5 Love Languages. He wraps the world up in a tight little cocoon of every person generally feels or shows love in 5 different ways. And, man!!! Is he onto something?!

Are you wondering what your love language is? I hope so! Go HERE and take the quiz!

I’ll be honest, I really struggled in my marriage the first few years. Not only was I young and naive to the grown up world of marriage and real life….I had no idea what I needed to have my love tank filled nor how to show my husband the kind of love he craved. So, I floundered around miserably and in turn…missed out on loving my husband to the full extent.

Wonk wonk! šŸ™

Once you take the 5 Love Languages Quiz – you can really be honest with yourself about HOW YOU FEEL LOVE and SHOW LOVE. Many of us are showing love the way we want others to love us. Which isn’t bad, but it isn’t always good either. Example: If your main love language is ACTS OF SERVICE and you iron all your husband’s shirts, make a delicious meal and mow the lawn (man, you’re a nice wife)….and he doesn’t respond with some serious gratitude or praises. You are probably going to be feeling pretty mad or resentful. And, unloved.

I know this firsthand. I spent a lot of time aggravated with my hubby because he didn’t care one bit about all the NICE THINGS I did for him. Guess whose love language is NOT acts of service? Yea, my hubby’s.

Knowing how you feel love is the first step in seeing outside of yourself to love others THEIR WAY and not yours.

So, to show love to your spouse….learn his or her language. Then, do what it takes to say I LOVE YOU in that language. You might be surprised how your relationship takes off in a positive way just by acknowledging each other’s differences. It’s not a big deal to have 2 or 3 different love languages than your spouse. It’s part of our uniqueness and often is what draws us to one another in the first place. Go with it.

Today’s challenge:

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

Whatever your spouse wants today, do it. If it’s to take a walk or jog, go. Whip up his favorite meal, start cookin’! If it’s to spend intimate time together, get to it (minus the big sigh!). Make it your goal to step outside of you and what you want today and make his wish come true.

day 1 challenge