I’m going to cut straight to the chase, have you ever been hurt by someone you love? I know the answer already, it’s yes. Every single person on this earth has felt the sting of a broken friendship or wrecked family relationship. It hurts. It slams us to the floor and it does something to our trust factor. We never quite get over it and the stench of it’s ugly smell lingers over us in our other relationships too.
Jesus knew all about betrayal.
I’ve written many times on mean girls and my own experiences with friends who weren’t really friends that hurt or wounded me for no reason. I say that and feel like I should clarify that I AM A HUMAN and I can almost certainly confess to my own hurtful behaviors against others too. I’m no candy striper in the world of relationships. I’ve lashed out, I’ve been a jerk and I’ve most certainly wounded those who love me too.
I’m not proud.
I’d guess that most of us have taken the arrow of a ONE TIME friend and wrestled with the WHAT JUST HAPPENED in our lives only to never get the answer. It’s okay to never know what happened. The best thing we can do is learn (in a healthy way) how to navigate the rotten experiences of relationships and NOT BE SOMEONE ELSE’S TOXIC friend next time.
I’ve been thinking of the different types of friends I’ve had throughout my life. I still have so much to learn and I trust that God will use every lesson to grow me MORE LIKE HIM and less like the people I meet or trust while I’m here on earth. People will let us down.
Maybe you know someone like these friends —>
User friend: the kind who really isn’t into being buds unless you have something she wants. She tends to only show up when she wants something from you. She will use you up (and probably play real nice until she’s finished with you) and do not be surprised when she shows off her WHAT HAVE YOU on social media or in your friend circles while never mentioning you had anything to do with it.
Always competing friend: the kind who will kill herself to one up you. She will tear you down to others and even act as if she really admires you. Don’t fall for it, it’s only a tactic she uses to gain more insider info on you. She can’t be happy cheering you on, it might make her less than important. Beware of her, she is a troubled soul that will stop at nothing to make you look bad.
Lying friend: the kind who has no issue telling untruths about you to anyone who will listen. She is sick, obviously. Her boundary lines are all confused, so she crosses them often and isn’t able to reason in her own mind the pain she’s inflicting by being dishonest about you or others. Remember, your kids see these things in adults. This is a good lesson for teaching your children about being honest.
Mean girl friend: the kind who I’m painting with one broad swoop because she is a force! This person generally plays all the types at some time or another in your relationship. She uses, competes…lies and is usually pretty mean about it. This does not have to be a friend either. It can be a family member.
Here’s what I know…
We are all capable of being bad people. None of us hold the moral high ground on relationships. Thankfully, God knew that. He experienced hurt too. My own relationship pains cannot compare to the night Judas betrayed Jesus. Just in case you needed some perspective (me too). I’ve admitted my own sin nature regarding relationships and I’m challenging myself to be better, to love others selflessly, to give and take with a God-like attitude and to recognize toxic people for what they truly are….broken and lost.
I have a much longer list of loyal friends than of those who are superficial surface ones.
Maybe you recognize them —>
Patient friend: the kind who never gets tired of listening to you (even if she wants you to zip it girl, get over it!) and loves you even when you flub up.
Generous friend: the kind who gives; her heart, time, money…whatever it is that is costly to her. She never adds up what you owe her (not just $$). She gives because she loves you and counts you as an important investment.
Praying friend: the kind who WILL BEAT DOWN heaven’s doors on your behalf. She will pray with you, for you and you better be reciprocating lady! Praying friends are the best you’ll ever have while walking God’s green earth!
Best friend: the kind that doesn’t keep score or hold your foolishness over your head. You can call her in the middle of a crisis and she is ON YOUR DANG TEAM no matter if you’re wrong or not. She will lovingly set you straight if you are though. Best friends are a gift from God and I am a living a life of luxury thanks to my LONG LIST OF BESTIES!!!
Next time you feel jilted by a “friend” remember this… God knows just how it feels to be kicked to the curb. He understands flaky people, he gets it that even those closest to you will turn on you. Don’t take it too personally. Let God sort them out, let him be the final judge and most of all figure out a way to forgive and move forward.
There is always a lesson.
Lord,
Do not let me get away with hurting anyone. Blanket me with despair until I get whatever is wrong in that relationship, right. Keep me on the path of righteousness and when someone hurts me, let me be an example of grace and forgiveness. Even if it hurts beyond what I think I can handle.
Amen
